quick update: my sister-in-law is with a specialist at a famous hospital down south, checking into things… we will know more definitive information today. so far, no news is good news.

inWorship, to answer your last question about drew coming out to play, well… let’s just say that if i were to ask him one.more.time to be a guest writer today, then i could qualify as the MOST nagging seminary wife in all of new england… and that’s a crown i don’t wanna wear! i’m sure you understand……. all i can offer for this grave disappointment is my sincerest apologies.

ok, starter question: since my family has been facing a nightmare this week, what’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you?

so this is gonna be a week of laughs at “just a girl.” i’ll explain tomorrow – but for now, enjoy!

Actual church bulletin bloopers:

• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at St. Martin’s Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
• The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
• The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight “Searching for Jesus.”
• Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
• Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
• The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
• Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
• Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
• Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Father Jack’s sermons.
• The Priest will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing “Break Forth Into Joy.”
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• At the evenin g service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
• This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• The Priest unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours!

ht: nathan gaddis

Tags: church bulletins, bloopers, funny, laughs, church