if you know me (and i mean REALLY know me), you know that i’m not a crier. not at all… ever. never ever.
but tuesday pm i sat on my couch and had a good cry. maybe because drew is out of town. maybe because i hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep in 3 days. maybe ’cause my grande decaf mocha just didn’t taste all that great.
or maybe because i really really missed home.
its hard to be here – up here. i love my friends here, but there are people back home that have huge pieces of my heart. HUGE pieces of my heart. i miss those people. i miss those relationships. i miss people that can take one look at me and know exactly how i’m feeling, even when i’m doing everything i can to hide it.
i miss you.
i know you read this blog sometimes: krissy, jessica, mom & dad, bevie, shanna, cyle, kim, heather, charity, carole, harriet, phoebe, cheryl, charlene etc etc etc …….. i miss you SO much. and right now you’re probably wondering why i don’t email/call more if i miss you so much. that’s the hardest part of it all – getting a quick reminder of what we’ve meant in each others’ lives; but then comes the inevitable click of the phone. that click. that click that sounds like 1,000 miles of I-95 between us. that click that sounds like you are there and i am here and we aren’t at all in the same place. that click that sounds like i want you to know my world as well as i know yours…
i do love you, and i want so much for you to know these things about my life. but, its the contrast. the contrast of 18 months of change and 1,000 miles of highway. the contrast makes it harder.
one of my best friends sent more pictures of her first baby. i’ve yet to meet this baby girl, and am dying crying for the chance to meet her.
gracie elizabeth.
i talked to gracie’s mama on sunday. it was the kind of phone call that really did my heart good, but made me miss home so bad. so bad… and looking through those pictures on tuesday brought it all back. i missed home so bad that i talked to the computer screen. i told the computer screen that jessica’s new brown hair really does look good. i told the computer screen that gracie is absolutely beautiful.
and then i just sat there and cried. cried ’til i had a headache.
but it was a good cry.
such a good cry.
I’m glad you had a “good cry”. Someone told me once that tears wash the soul! I like that!
yes maggie… much washing. much washing….
I LOVE YOU!
I HATE THIS!
but even after talking it out with you for a year and a half, the explanation helped my heart to understand even better how you are feeling.
I wish I could do something to make it better.
Krissy: thank you. for everything. i love you too…
Cry it out sister! A good cry is so good. This is just a season sweetie, it will pass and you’ll look back and wonder how it went so fast. Just eat some chocolate, it helps. How much longer are you there anyway?
a little under two more years…..
Awww! I miss you too! I have totally been thinking about you every day for like a week straight. Sorry to hear that you are so homesick. Just know that we miss you and love you too!
i miss home too. but i’m glad you’re here.
holly: you have NO idea how glad i am that you are here!!!
heather: love you much…
well, i may not be one of those you are missing, but i miss you and just so you know, i can SO relate. i’ve only seen my best friend’s baby once for a few hours and it was just not enough. i have to hear stories of how people get to spend time with jess and gracie and the pictures just don’t seem adequate anymore. i know those tears.. the tears that long for home… and even though i’m closer, there is still experiences, circumstances, and life change that separates us all and makes home a little different. i’m thankful for the times i have.. the video chats… the weekly convos with bevie… but it all doesn’t seem like enough. i miss you dear one and long for those days on the couch. i’ll have to add this to my blogroll now too.. i didn’t know you started this blog. but now that i know, i’ll be back! love you!
I remember those days. I still have them sometimes.
I am praying encouragement for you…maybe after all the flirting.
girl I have got to type out something that I read today and send it to you. It will take me a while but it is so good!! =)
i totally understand… THIS was perfectly said: “but then comes the inevitable click of the phone…” i’m praying for your heart.
shae: i do miss you too… but, you’re one of “us”… me & you & hurley & katie galloway & others. we don’t belong there anymore. we’re not a part of that world anymore… we’re in other places now. hope to see you soon.
Oh man, oh man. If it makes you feel any better, now I’m crying too! I love you so much Mandy and in this “world” down here we are not the same without you. Yes, we move on, yes, we make new friends and grow and change, but it is NOT the same without you. I won’t pretend to know what you are going through, and I know it is not of the same magnitude, but we miss you greatly too and can’t wait until we get to see you again. Thanks for being honest and transparent, I agree with Krissy, it helps us umderstand what you deal with so much more.
Hugs and kisses and cries (especially from Gracie!)
sad, but true. i really hope i get to see you again soon too… christmas was just a tease
My mom used to tell me crying clears out the sinuses too. I miss my mom even after 12 years.
Now I am strong enough to put a picture of her on my nightstand. One night I even held the picture of her while crying and fell asleep that way. My heart knows those kind of tears. Those are the moments when I draw closer to God.
Jessica: i’m so sorry for making you cry, too… i thought i warned you with that short pitiful email tuesday night.
Mandy Mandy Mandy…..I MISS YOU TOO! I can imagine what its like to leave home and leave people I so well….but know this….I miss you! I’m sorry that you are feeling homesick. Please know that’s its not the same around here without you! I hate change and I’m guessing you do too! Thank you for sharing and believe this I WANT TO COME VISIT! I love you!