they didn’t realize we were OLDER and MARRIED!!!!
oh my gosh. oh my GOSH. OH MY GOSH!
for my second visit to starbucks on tuesday night (you know, after all the crying and all)… well, i went with a girlfriend/songwriter/worshipleader to just catch up. and we’re having the BEST conversation about relationships and girlfriends and gynecologists and seminary and the like…
…when, from out-of-stinking-nowhere, we are approached by two young men who were wondering if they could just sit and talk to us. i’m thinking: either they are proselytizing or picking us up. looking for an easy out, i ask my friend when we need to leave (thinkin’ she’d say NOW!) but, she checks her watch and says “oh, ’bout fifteen minutes.” huh? HUH!? so i look at the guys and say “sure, yeah.”
and i immediately grab a mental pad and pencil, knowing this is gonna make one HECK of a blog post!!!
anyway, they don’t notice the wedding ring she’s flashing all over the place. so, i just stick my left hand in my pocket and play along (for the sake of the blog post, of course)… we go through the customary “where are you from? what do you do? etc”…. all the while, caroline and i have NOT mentioned that we’re married. by then it would’ve just been…well….sad. and these guys were just too sweet.
we eventually move on to the “how old are you?” portion of the conversation, and i’m certain this will be our ticket out – because these boys are only 20 little years old. one of them nearly fainted when i said i was 29. then they both politely and graciously point out that neither one of us look older than 22. (hey, its better than being mistaken for 15! – which, coincidentally, i’m wearing the SAME University of Georgia hoodie in both of these stories… does this hoodie make me look like a teenager?? sigh!)
anyway, i was sure they wouldn’t go in for the kill after they found out i was nearly a DECADE older than them….
but i was SO wrong.
SOOOO wrong!
here’s how it all ended: we say we gotta to get going… then one of the guys asks the dreaded question: “well, listen, maybe we could get your numbers or something and maybe call you and have dinner sometime.”
GASP!
i sit there with mouth gaping open. uh. ah… and look at caroline, thinking since she’s the one that said we had 15 minutes, i’ll let HER clean up this mess! but, her mouth is open as well… to my relief, she composes herself and gently says “guys, we’re actually both married.”
yep, now their mouths are wide open. we show them our rings, tell them we really enjoyed talking, encourage them in their young pursuits, and walk out of starbucks.
we’re not 6 steps into the parking lot when caroline looks at me and says: “well, it’s nice to know WE’VE STILL GOT IT!” — and we GIGGLE AND SQUEAL ALL THE WAY HOME!!!!!!
so, question of the decade, for you ladies AND gentlemen: what in the WORLD would you have done in this situation?????
Hmm this is tough.
I am 32 years old but the fact that I:
– divorced
– father of a six year old boy whom I see half the week
– 32 years old
– crazy looking beard
– crazier looking hair
… does not seem to scare off the ladies at all.
But none of that matters because God doesn’t want me to date right now and especially not remarry. It is easy to obey God in this situation but sometimes it is not so easy to explain it to somebody you are not sure if they are a believer or not.
Oh well, at least it is an opportunity to witness.
yep. you’ve still got it! that is awesome!
Ok that’s hilarious. Why does this never happen to my single self in a Starbucks? Maybe I need to get me a fake diamond.
Yeah, not to come off like the heavy here Mandy, but I don’t think it’s funny at all. If you genuinely didn’t know they were hitting on you two, that’s one thing. But you did. And you still went along with it.
You led them on.
If Steph had done that, I’d be pretty peeved. I’d keep going, but I think you get my point.
Hutch:
wow.
great to hear a guys’ perspective, but i can honestly say that it surprises me…
seriously!? it all happened so fast that i’m sure we didn’t do everything right, but i wouldn’t go so far as to say we intentionally/knowingly led them on…
we led THEM on, even though we had no idea they existed before they walked over, and they weren’t clear as to why they wanted to talk to us? what could we have done differently?
i’m thinking our only alternative would’ve been to coldly say: “guys, we don’t know why you’re here, but we’re both married, so we can’t really talk to you.”
wouldn’t that be a little extreme?
after we told ‘em we were married, they actually thanked us for being nicer than a lot of the girls they meet and talked about that for a minute or two, and things ended on a good note… but maybe that wasn’t right of us. i don’t know.
at the end of the day, i would’ve MUCH rather spent that last fifteen minutes in girl talk. guess i should’ve made that clear in my initial post.
do you think they thought you were married…to each other???
Tam: one thing i know, they’ll check for rings next time…
you so needed that after having a crying minute.
I’m laughing so hard right now! I LOVE IT! great post.
Mandy,
I’m not saying that was your intention, but given what you said in the post:
“i’m thinking: either they are proselytizing or picking us up.”
“anyway, they don’t notice the wedding ring she’s flashing all over the place. so, i just stick my left hand in my pocket and play along (for the sake of the blog post, of course)…”
That’s what I think happened. Maybe the language is a bit strong and has different connotations to different folks, but you obviously had some idea of what their intentions were when they sat down even if they didn’t communicate them. So if at that point Steph didn’t volunteer that she were married, I would have been upset. I don’t think your cold initial reply from your comment is the only option. If I were them, I’d much rather hear “Hey fellas, we’re both married. You’re more than welcome to sit and chat, but know we’re both married.” If they want to still sit and talk, great. I don’t think it’s wrong you talked to them, not at all. It’s fine for a married gal to talk to whomever. I just think a married person in that situation should make it clear up front that they’re married, for the sake of themselves, if not for the sake of the person who’s doing the approaching.
Again, I’m not saying you did it maliciously, and they obviously weren’t offended given their reaction, but (from a guy’s perspective now) if I had been the single guy who foolishly didn’t look at the left index finger of the gal I’m trying to pick up, I’d much rather know up front that she was married. Cause if I were those two after that conversation, I’d feel like a gigantic MORON.
Mandy, please know I don’t think you’re a terrible person or anything like that. I just wanted you to know how I would have felt if Steph had told the same story. Maybe I’m overprotective. And, given the fact that I’ve never been hit on since being married, I’ve got no experience in this realm. But that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Breaking hearts and drinking coffee. That’s what Tuesday nights are for.
hutch:
thank you for taking the time to elaborate your point… makes me feel a little better.
to be more clear, i left out the details that my hands were in my pockets when they walked up. i took ‘em out, realized they weren’t paying any attention, and stuck ‘em back in my pockets because i was cold & i knew flashing my ring wouldn’t have made a bit of difference. (i figured those details would be redundant after i made the point that i was trying to get out of it by asking caroline when we needed to leave).
since marriage, i’ve not been hit on either… so i didn’t have a ready response waiting in my back pocket.
the wedding band has taken care of those situations so far.
Mandy, what a funny story. I’m so glad you shared it with us. I’m sure those guys didn’t feel like you were leading them on. It’s so easy to look back at situations like this and think of all the should/could haves but in the moment I’m sure it’s terribly hard to figure out the nicest thing to do. I think you handled the situation very well.
you could have given your number and said, “if my husband answers, just tell him you’re the guy from starbucks…”
Mandy that’s just another example of you heartless, wicked ladies, leading on us poor clue less men.
Guys just don’t pickup on “hints”. You have to pretty much hit us over the head with a hammer.
I will also add that in New York City wearing a wedding ring means nothing. If anything it might make you more of a target because we guys know you not looking for a “commitment” but more of a one night stand.
poor little boys
edfromct:
i’m learning from this that guys might not think to check rings (especially if they thought we were 22!)… bottom line: men and women just DON’T think the same way. we might’ve wanted to be polite, but they might’ve wanted to know straight away what they were dealing with.
i heard a similar story from a friend today. his wife was approached by a guy. he didn’t care that she was married. man. this world is becoming a CRAZY place. again, thank you for a male perspective – AND permission to hit ‘em on the head with a hammer!!!
WHAT an interesting discussion today!
I must say as I am sitting here on a rainy night in Brunswick, GA I laughed out loud at the story. Good stuff. What did Drew think about what you did?
justin:
i called drew immediately (he’s in New Orleans)… but, had to leave him a message that some guys tried to ask us out.
so, he called back pretending to be another guy that heard i was alone for the week & asked me out. i said: “i’m sorry, i can’t. i’m married”
his response? “oh. that don’t matter girl! you’re husband left you. come on a date with me!”
LOL – then i told him the whole story & he said he couldn’t wait to go tell the guys about it.
I think I would have dated both of them. Wait, were they cute? If yes, then refer to my first sentence. Wait, they were guys? Never mind.
I laughed through most of your post. And I loved Holly’s suggested reply!!
In the same situation, my reaction would probably be fairly similar. Although I think Hutch makes a good point, I would feel a bit harsh abruptly pointing out my marital status just because they asked to sit and talk for a few minutes.
And, to be honest, after being married for closing in on a decade, and having two kids, it’s flattering to have fleeting moments where I know my husband is not the only member of the opposite sex who still finds me attractive– even though, like you, I would take the first clear chance to show the hopelessness of their intentions without being rude.
BTW, Scott says to tell you I’m never allowed to go have coffee with you at starbucks.
Dustin: unfortunately, they weren’t necessarily “our types.” my friend and i were just being nice, and were flattered by the whole episode. but that little detail would’ve ruined the whole story, now wouldn’t it?
Sarah: wanna go grab starbucks tomorrow after the snow-storm fades?? drew won’t be home ’til late afternoon, so i’ve got a good 36 hours left of bachelorette-hood!!!!
Would love too. Scott says maybe, as long as you don’t wear your Georgia hoodie! And he reserves the right to send a chaperone.
I love that you are married and get hit on..am I wearing a sign I don’t know about?!?!…and next time do your single friends a favor and if they are old enough pass on the info!….COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY KIDDING…I know putting that after the first comment kinda ruins it but seriously, totally kidding.
mandy,
hmm .. what would I have done? I would’ve said “sorry guys I’m straight, and I don’t date other men .. besides, I’m married”.
FM
you’re mean…:)
Actual husband here, finally chiming in.
I was not upset. I thought it was amusing, and I am happy with the way my wife behaved herself.
As a man hitting on women, you’re gonna bomb sometimes. That’s the risk of initiation. And you learn to look for rings after a couple of those.
I’m smiling. B/c it’s making me smile to see that you couldn’t resist, Drew. You had to verify your “ok” and stick up for her.