well, suffice it to say, i never-in-a-million-years expected to get some of the answers that came out of that discussion yesterday. if you haven’t checked back in, please do, because you’re MISSING OUT!
and, i’m LOVING every comment of it.
this whole discussion has sparked some thoughts for me. they are fledgling baby thoughts, but relevant thoughts. so i’m gonna present them, as ill-formed as they may be, in response to yesterday’s post.
my main consideration is this [insert the sound of my dad choking on his morning coffee]: i am SO PRO-SEX for married evangelical Christians. i really really am. we need to be doing more of it, because IT is what solidifies and godli-fies (sorry – making up a word here) our marriage bond. the husband-wife relationship is modeled after the Christ-Church relationship, and its SO important that it be good and healthy and exemplary, etc.
see, our physical union is a foundational element of the emotional and mental union that we present to the world. a number of our seminary professors and their wives have wholeheartedly and very verbally endorsed the physical relationship between husband and wife. one of our profs is even a marriage/sex counselor. they are SO passionate about us being passionate in our marriages – going so far as to say: “who cares if you live in an apartment building with paper-thin walls, DO IT anyway!”
amen?!?!!!
given the above spewage of thoughts, its no surprise that i was THRILLED to find out how many of the wives found commando to be a beneficial experience – more than one mentioning how sexy it can be! i wasn’t kidding when i said y’all are my heroes! YAY!!! go for it, ladies! go for it!!!
i think it is right and good for us (in the proper context and proper crowd) to encourage healthy and passionate marriages among our friends. i think its GREAT to encourage each other. wives, talk about it with other wives. husbands, talk about with other husbands. and husbands talk to your wives; wives talk to your husbands.
i was having a great convo with my “met-on-the-net” friend before drew came home on saturday. we were chatting about how excited i was to pick him up later that day, and she highly encouraged me to show up wearing lingerie under my winter essentials. yay for her – spurring me on “to love and good deeds!” yes, she LOVES Jesus. yes, she LOVES her man. and, no, i’m NOT gonna tell you what i wore to pick drew up!
all that being said (on the www, no less!), please know that i support applaud any and all godly efforts that wives and husbands make to keep that spark alive.
whew.
thoughts? anyone else sweating now?
standing ovation from africa on the bravery to write this post. good words, friend.
Alece: thanks friend. my mom would probably give me a standing ovation, too. anything for grandchildren!
TO: Mandy
FROM: All Men on Planet
COMMENT: AMEN!!!
So any thoughts on the practice among singles?
this is great mandy. alece and i were just discussing how brave and bold you are for writing this post! yeah for marriage!
becky:
the practice of going commando if you’re single?
…. my honest thought is that, as long as its not causing anybody to stumble, then why not? i mean, naked we came into this world…
i thought about this when writing up this post, knowing that at least one “yay!” came from a single
adam and eve went commando for a while. so i don’t think mankind is MEANT to wear much of anything. granted, now we have clothing for coverage (both for physical protection and possibly some sin/shame issues). but, ya know, its no big deal if its not causing any sin out there.
bottom line: if you’re married & it encourages sexual behavior between you & your spouse, then YAY for that. if you’re not married & it does nothing in the way of encouraging sexual behavior, then YAY for that.
thanks for asking!
oh. i guess i should add… if you’re married & you just like it ’cause its comfortable, then yeah. whatever works for you! it doesn’t always have to be about sex.
I just have to say…I love this blog! This post is sooo good! I just had a conversation about this exact thing with a friend of mine who just accepted Jesus. Her husband is a really nice guy, I have no idea if he is saved or not…but I encouraged her to start that 30 day challenge, briefly explained it to her and told her how awesome it would be for her & her husband. She went home and told her hubby and he is of course on board…but the coolest thing is, it is totally BREAKING the box that they had put Christians in. YES, WE LOVE SEX! We may be conservative, but not in the bedroom! (He probably thought all Christian women wore granny underpants too!
)
My husband and I have been married 13 years and it still keeps getting better! We are committed to this for life…gotta keep it fresh ya know?!
Anyway, thanks for this discussion! You rock!
yeah, blushing a bit here. But I totally agree. I came from a very unhealthy background sex-wise and it took me YEARS to heal from all that and find freedom in my marriage intimacy. But it can happen! It’s awesome.
what is this 30-day challenge teri mentioned?
this is an awesome post!
Alece: http://30daysexchallenge.com/ drew and i are looking into doing this! we haven’t yet had the time to see what all the fuss is about.
the comment about your mom giving a standing ovation b/c of wanting grandchildren… my mom was itchin’ for one, too
BUT, I will say this… all the sexin’ dwindles drastically when there’s a baby around. I, of course, don’t know this from personal experience… but have gathered it in watching my sister as she’s had her first this past year. I don’t see how they have time to have sex at all!!
Garrett will be one in March, and I don’t think I could be more in love with him.
This just in…
This will be the most linked post by men in the blog world!
Not trying to be a prude, but I’ll lay this out there.
I think THIS was an awesome post.
However, some habits make marriage life sexy because you are the only two who know. Your secrets are your secrets. They bind you as much as the crazy times themselves. To share them. Well, it’s almost to me like a best friend telling someone else of “our stuff”. Trust can be damaged.
As to stumbling, that’s an issue in answering some “hot questions” cross gender. I wouldn’t like to think a married man compared our experiences to theirs and felt…anything. It’s not relevant, and it can easily happen.
Everyone has their own flame starters, and those are theirs to savor for what they are.
This post is healthy and true. I’m just not sure about the real health of group discussions cross-gender on the www. concerning personal sexual habits. Just 15 years of marriage talking.
Note: the last post was in reference to the “Commando” post, not to this one. I probably should have put it there, but perhaps it applies here to health, too.
Just a little adendum: Going commando, or even telling someone that, does not give away any sexual secrets between my husband and myself. It does not lessen or cheapen our marriage bed. (Over thirteen years and three kids later.)
My OB/Gyn told me to go commando. She had her reasons for giving me that advise, and believe me, it had nothing to do with sex, nor do I believe that it is a sexual habit, just a preference.
Sharing the fact that it drives my husband wild is just that, a fact. It is not getting into any details or graphics of our intimate relationship…to me it would be no different than saying he likes my hair curly or when I wear the brown sweater he bought me.
I do agree that there is something precious that happens between a husband and wife that shouldn’t be shared. Intimacy is meant to be sacred and private. Yes. Although, this was just a fun little conversation about underware, or the lack there of…pretty harmless.
Hey – Cyle here…
I totally agree with your stance, Mandy….. Sex is very important……
“We need to have more of it… We need to encourage each other”.
Does that mean you will take my kids Friday so we can do it? Take them for several hours – we need to get caught up on sleep first.
So, how do you people with all the kiddos fit it in? Baby #2, a 2 year old, two jobs for the hubbie and not near enough sleep for either of us. Did I mention middle of the night feeds, the toddler that has nightmares 3-4 times nightly, laundry baskets spread round the house, and the list goes on and on. Is evening play even possible? I fear I might fall asleep!
Besides, feeding a baby all-day (and all that it entails) doesn’t necessarily leave a girl feeling too sexy.
So, here’s the question: how do you shift modes? Usually it just feels like it’ll take WAY TOO MUCH energy to switch gears from “Exhausted Mommy” to “Sex Goddess”.
Mandy, I am definitely ‘pro-sex’ ( you know me- we’ve had many discussions about this! ) As I read your blog I felt passionate about finding answers to this epidemic that plagues many American families. Sex, toddlers and babies? Do they really go together? How?
I also want to add that my husband (Shannon) and I wrote this response together!
i didn’t mention this in the post, but much of my conviction to present this post is largely due to the VERY unrealistic portrayal of intimacy that we are constantly exposed to by the media. i wish i had spent more time with my Titus 2 women when i first got married, to help me have a realistic (and, yes, romantic) expectation of my physical relationship with my husband. i think the mass media may do more harm than good when it comes to teaching young people what the ideal/goal sex life is like…. if Christians are basing their understanding of sex on what we see in PG13 and R-rated movies, then we will all come up frustrated and disappointed.
a young woman that’s only been married 5 years, i’ve found these truths to be VERY encouraging… i’ve learned that my husband and i are on the right track, even though it doesn’t look like the hollywood love story….. this has been VERY freeing and encouraging for our relationship. i wouldn’t have come to this freeing understanding if it weren’t for a few key conversations that i’ve found myself exposed to over the past few years.
that’s one of the main reasons why i wanted to encourage (within the proper context) a healthy, discreet, and realistic conversation about marital intimacy.
Hi Mandy- I totally enjoy your blog and it looks like I’ve started reading at just the right time!! I backed up a few posts to get the full commando discussion- which I thought was fabulous!! And for me… nay on that one… but I am inspired to maybe (MAYBE) give it a try once I’m not pregnant. Right now- I don’t think it would have the desired effect
wow. you really are my hero.