Marriage: what’s the secret?
2008 March 10
during all that marriage makin’ you happy talk last week, Robin, one of us, mentioned that she’s working on year # 34 in her marriage.
wow!
drew and i are facing anniversary # 5 in about a month. we couldn’t be more excited!!!
so, i’m wondering, what’s the secret? what’s the secret to a lasting marriage?
Hey, Mandy. Thanks for the link-up. Yeah, it was me. 34 years IS a long time….but it has been so rewarding…7 kids, 6 grands too! It’s a blessed life, complete with plenty of bumps in the road.
Secret? It’ll sound cliche-ish, but learning to become ONE is something you have to work on every day…and it takes BOTH of you being willing to die daily, CHOOSING to love. I LOVE being married! I love my husband even more!!
We’re over 7 years now – it’s not 34 – but we’re happy. It might sound silly but we attribute a lot of our success to the “5 love languages”. We know what the other one needs…and speak that. We spend time together, honor each other and are each others best friend. I think turning to Daniel (and him coming to me) first – in a crisis, with exciting news is important. Even if we don’t necessarily like each other we make the relationship a priority. If find ourselves getting irriated with each other we know it’s time to make some changes – usually alone time with no kiddos.
Staying married!
Mags: AMEN!
The secret? For us there are two things: 1) Never dishonor one another in public (i.e., making jabs that you wouldn’t do in private, making jokes at the other’s expense, pointing out flaws, etc.) and 2) think of your spouse more than you think of yourself. These have worked quite well for us. We just celebrated #15 in January.
AHHH, my girlfriends have posted on your blog. I’ll hug Robin’s and Cindy’s neck for you. For JT and me, we were just talking about Cindy’s #1 up there. NEVER talk down to your spouse in public, or in private for that matter. Laugh at each other and learn how the other one recieves and gives love. We will celebrate year 11 on the 14th!
natalie: OH YES! hug ‘em for me!!!! i’m SO glad you have girlfriends… they seem like quality people. and Cindy’s = big yes. that was a bit of marriage advice that we got, and it TOTALLY stuck with me. i cringe when i realize i’ve talked drew down, or when i hear other couples doing the same.
charlie and I will celebrate 13 this year and the first 8 or so were so hard and yucky. it’s better than ever now and I will say that acceptance of each other’s quirks, letting go of unrealistic expectations (if that means you stop reading self help books, so be it) and lots of laughter (because it’s the social glue) have been our ingredients so far.
Well we are celebrating #7 this year and we have agreed long ago to respect each other, never belittle each other, thing about this person above yourself. Protect your personal time. Value the little things you do together. Keep your secrets secret. Talk highly of the other person in public as opposed to talking down tot hem.
Aaron is still my favorite person to hang out with. We put out couple time above our kids. He comes first, then the kids. Always. Otherwise we’ll wake up one day and not know each other.
I love being in love.
I have been thinking about this a lot.
From my perspective:
If I am not totally submitted to the will of God and love the Lord with all of my heart, soul and strength then can I really, honestly, love my wife?
I really don’t think so.
21 years and counting…
A sense of humor and lot’s of hard work. I agree with Joe as well…Jesus needs to be at the center.
i’ve been chewing on this since i first read it this morning. and this is all i’ve got, and it’s not really even an answer to your question.
i’ve come to the realization that i don’t want a “lasting marriage”. i want one that is healthy, strong, godly. “lasting”—in my own observation and experience—unfortunately doesn’t imply any of those things. obviously i want a long, lasting one as well, but only if it’s full of life.
i am about to get married in 26 days…so all of these thoughts and comments are very encouraging to make a good marriage.
How exciting, Lynse!
I’m lovin’ these comments.
One thing someone shared with me many years ago is to never let anyone say anything nicer about your husband than you….even if you have to one-up them! Our guys need building up all the time!
Also, if you haven’t ever read “Love and Respect” by Emmerson Eggerichs, do it NOW. And for a little spice I dare you to read “Sheet Music” by Kevin Leman….my 19 yo daughter who just got married this July recommended it! LOL
Communication, communication, communication!
alece: great spin on this…. good choice of words. i’ve been thinking about your comment.
lynseleanne: YAY!!!
My wife and I will be celebrating 2 years tomorrow!
The partners needs are always more important than your own.
inWorship: Amen to that.
Hi Mandy,
Thanks for coming to visit my blog
I loved your other post for today about encouragement. As far as marriage, I have been married 13 years in July (is march too soon to say that?). My husband and I always believe in each other, NO MATTER WHAT.
thanks for the congrats! We are super excited….the countdown is all go and we are just waiting for April 5th.
I would have to say prayer. Yup. We are also in the groove with the 5 love languages…so when we figured that whole thing out things got a lot more interesting. We connected on different levels and now we are rockin it on the friendship level and on the intimacy level. It doesn’t hurt that he is way hott either. Heck yes he is. But I would have to say that praying for one another together and apart throughout everyday keeps our marriage strong and healthy.