i’d been staring at the little green button on my computer screen for more than a few seconds. mouse hovering over it. questions RACING through my mind. heart RACING in my chest – but i couldn’t tell if it raced because i was so excited or so frightened…
what if my webcam doesn’t work and she can’t hear me?
what if its really awkward and awkward and awkward?
what if her internet craps out and she can’t answer?
what if she has a really strange voice or laugh?
what if we have nothing to talk about?
what if she’s not as excited as i am?
what if she hates my accent?
what if she chickens out like i wanna chicken out and she doesn’t answer?
what if i don’t call – and instead make up some lame excuse why i didn’t?
her blog caught my attention last year and i’ve been reading ever since. once she found mine, she never left. eventually, we did the email and IM thing – even tried snail-mail once or twice. but, never had a voice to voice conversation.
i took in a deep breath. held it. and clicked the mouse.
before the line even rang i heard: click -> “HI!!!!”
i exhaled a squeal of a “HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!” as i clapped. yes. i actually CLAPPED.
the nerves dissipated. the questions were forgotten. i couldn’t have been more thrilled.
we talked about college, marriage, ministry, relationships, friends, faith, church, scriptures, fears, sadness, life, life, and life. it felt warm, cozy, familiar… yeah, there were moments of silence, but not the awkward silence of not-knowing-what-to-say. it was the silence of thinking, processing, reflecting: “holy cow, what she just said really hit me.” or “wow. is this actually happening? this is crazy.”
then the strangest thing occurred…
i looked at the clock – two hours had passed like two minutes.
and my life was the better for it.
i am officially one of those people with one of those “met-on-the-net” stories.
and, i’m more than ok with it.
…most of the time.
am i the only crazy one around here? do any of y’all have met-on-the-net stories that will make me feel more normal???
that is so awesome! 2 hours?! wow oh wow…
I do actually! We have hung out several times now, and I consider her a good friend. In fact, I had almost forgotten that we “met-on-the-net”.
i realized i never actually answered your email. i have a met-on-the-net friend that i feel surprisingly close to. i have the feeling that we’re going to meet face-to-face someday and just love each other even more. i can’t wait actually…
I met you on the net…good times, my dear, good times.
NatJ: “I had almost forgotten that we “met-on-the-net”. -> wow!!
Alece:
NatW: good times FOR SURE!!!!
i have a met on the net story…. There’s this chick in seminary, on the East Coast I think, creeeeee-pee
Tam: LOL – you AIN’T right!!!!!!!!!
Yes, I have a few. One girl, a friend of a friend, but we became friends online. I understand when Natalie said I almost forgot we met online.
Quite a few of my blog friends I’ve never met in person…yourself including. When you think about it it’s quite funny — there used to be (and kind of still is) a stigma for “met on the net” relationships…unless they are my friends.
and of course by “i never actually answered your email” i meant “i never actually answered your question”… oi vey.
Al: understood!
I think that all of my friends are net friends now. Yay for the internet. I am so freakin thankful. I am pretty sure that when you cross that line…of okay, are we going to be real friends now?? I am nervous at first, I pray and then jump. But that is like all things in my life. Yup…pretty much how I do things. God does many many wonderful things in so many unconventional ways. I think that God is unconventional. You know? Okay…am I rambling? Okay, bye. Wait, did you say something else? Just kidding. I am going now. Okay. Bye then. Seriously. Bye.
KA: LOL
good to hear that i’m not the only one nervous about this type of relationship. thank you for sharing. your comment makes me feel more normal (not to imply that i think that YOU are normal, because people who LIKE to jump off bridges and out of airplanes are FAR from normal in my mind)… am i rambling now? ok. bye… seriously. back to work. bye
see thats why ive gotta come by and meet you…and have stephen barry come by as well down in CT. East coast bloggin fun
Klampert: EAST COASTERS UNITE!
I have three “met on the net” (web cam -Ichat) stories. I have met two in Oregon – one with red hair young and short! The other, a much older lady who has Ukulele Red Mahogany colored hair (this week) who sings on a worship team. Sorry no names yaw. My third story is family from Sweden – we have met before but the web cam is so awesome! You can go around the world with instant friendships!
Alece: are you planning on answering my email/question? because all these comments, but no answer… makes me wonder.
i thought i did answer back up there, in comment 2 of 3 (well, soon to be 2 of 4).
if you’re crazy, then so am i!
Crazy Al: well, then, i’m hearing a YES? so, we need to talk specifics. k?
so… y’all.
i’m thinking about Danielle’s comment: “a stigma for “met on the net” relationships…”
i think there’s definitely a stigma… but i’m not sure why. i have some theories.
anybody else see it like that? why is there a stigma? what exactly is it???
Mandy,
I did my sabbatical on women’s on-line communication. What came out of that was many on-line friendships. Last July, I went to Chicago to meet a group of women that I’d only talked to on-line/ most in threaded discussion. It was an AMAZING experience when we all connected face-to-face!!
Since that time, I have another really good friend, that I first connected with on-line. We’ve met in person at a conference, but talk almost nightly on the phone.
So from my perspective, you’re absolutely normal!!
~Cheryl
the expert professor has spoken! i’m normal! i’m absolutely NORMAL!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!
I am definitely thankful for my ‘met on the net’ friends, sometimes it seems as if those are the only friends I get a chance to talk to anymore!
So, my most recent ‘Met on the Net’ story… There is that couple from Oregon… They seem to get around don’t they? I have talked to Tam and Brent on iChat and over the phone as well. As far as the East coast thing goes, give me a call whenever that happens, Southwest CT here!
(oh THAT email/comment… i’ll write you soon!)
Al: ahhh – we speak of two different emails… gotcha. yes.
as for the stigma… i wonder if it’s because of all the negative publicity online relationships get??? (perv child molesters who prey on kids on the internet, etc)
I am about to cross the line from met on the net to talking on the phone. We have been texting which has been fun! But yeah, I am pretty much feeling the same way.
I think of my in-the-net friends in the same way I think of my in-real-friends. I do have some in-real-friends where my relationships is, well, a little more physical.
Something I can do on the Internet that I am reluctant to do in real life is seek out groups were I can discuss controversial topics with people who are likely to disagree with me. I can’t get punched in the nose on the Internet.
On the Internet it is also easier to meet people from backgrounds that are very different from my own.
My grandfather went to the local bar to meet his friends. I am a lot better off hanging out with my friends on the Internet. I think there is a lot more stigma attached to barflys than to in-the-net friends.
The last time I met someone in persom whom I had met on the Internet was…was…was…?
person**
I have a ‘met on the net’ story that would make you look like Norma, the normal person from Normaltown, Mandy!!!
but it is a looooooooooooong story and i don’t want to bore aww y’awww.
Some things were just not meant to be.
As for stigma – here’s my take (partly inspired as a result of said long story)….
Being friends while you are in total safety – as we really feel when we ‘meet’ on the ‘net’ is nothing like being friends for ‘real’ – mostly because we tend to ‘check our insecurities at the door’ (you seem to have had a whole bunch waiting to have a ticket received for them from your post above when the moment came to meet ‘face to face’ – via your respective PC’s – what a ‘brave’ thing to do!
)
What we get from our ‘net friends are similarly ‘limited’ versions (or perhaps ‘more free’ versions is a better term?). They are not very ‘realistic’ ones though – and require of us far less ‘bravery’ in being our REAL selves, warts and all… we can make up some things and hide a whole bunch of others while on the net. Want to understand this better?? Tam! – think we’d be as ‘close’ as we are if you had to stand in front of me with your ‘skinny’ legs showing?? If i was not tongue-tied and embarrassed about how beautiful you look so i feel like i don’t ‘deserve’ your friendship? Any of you get my drift here?
I am not saying any of you ladies (and the few men) necessarily do that – hide and make stuff up – but the opportunity to is there far more than it is in REAL friendships and i think it is this that is attached to net friends and is where the stigma originates.
At least that’s how i see it, mostly.
That and the fact it also means you are probably not spending enough time with REAL people, Face-To-Face, the way God intended.
I find it is often a VERY ‘tempting’ substitute for having a life! it can also be so very ‘empty’ and frustrating at times too. it can fill ‘the hole within’ in ways we never get to experience in our daily life – but it is so much a ‘one-dimensional’ substitute and we are so much more than that as Human Beings.
It cannot ever ‘Fill’ the hole by itself.
I am glad to hear that some are able to make real and lasting connections because of it all the same.
<B
I met Jesus on the net. Well, met someone who introduced us. For real, it’s true. And the man I met who introduced us? Well, he’s become a good friend, advisor, spiritual ‘father in the faith’, mentor….life changing for sure.
Stigma? What stigma?
I met my husband cross country via phone. I was too poor to have a pc, so we talked on the phone every weekend for 6 mos before we met face to face…he paid the phone bill. We’ve been married 10 yrs.
I really did find salvation via the net, and have made some friends here too. I think one of the things that makes net friendships so different and sometimes special is that, although you can ‘hide’, it often allows for a more open and honest dialog; there’s less pressure. Sitting and chatting live over coffee is nice, but when you’re sitting there wishing you could have the danish to go with the coffee, but your new friend is the perfectly proportioned woman, and she’s not even drinking coffee but instead sipping water with lemon, you’re not going to budge from that seat to be true to yourself. On the net, shields are lowered. No competition with the ‘physical’ friend. Nothing invested in the net friendship and that little red x in the corner is the door that never locks from the inside.
Lori: LOVED your story…. wow. thank you for sharing. really. and i think that net-friends sometimes make it easy to be MORE honest than normal… yeah….
Love: i think you have a point re: the authenticity of net-friends (as does Lori). i try REALLY hard to be real with those that i would call “met-on-the-net” friends…. and i’m slowly moving them out of my computer and into my real life. via emails, phone calls, and even real life face-to-face visits! i’m being VERY intentional about being real/authentic with them… and i think they are doing the same with me.
Teri: OH! i wanna hear more!
still chewing on the contrast between Lori’s and LoveWill’s comments.
and i think both are right. i think it depends on the person – on how we approach the sharing brought forth through this http://www... for some, it means MORE openness and honesty. for others, it means less.
i think it depends on the person, the circumstances, the personality.
I haven’t met anyone live and in person from the net. Partly from protection – and I don’t leave my web addr on comments in the country we’re currently in. I admit I’m particular about the websites I let take up my time (I have kids!) – need humour, uplifting or thought provoking content (not that mine offers the same). Blogs that create a good community of reading for me. Often, they are sites that I never expect any personal response from. I’m babbling……
Mostly – blogger’s that I’m pretty sure I’ll be seeing again in that great party in the Heavens. Enough babbling….have to round up kids to lessons!
Susan: given your “particulars,” i’m honored that you’d waste your time over here on this random and rambling blog… i’ve enjoyed our exchanges and discussions so far. thank you for sharing your time with us.
Please don’t misunderstand folks… i agree entirley with Lori and i think you are doing definitely the Right ‘thing’ Mandy – Making and keeping it ‘real’.
You did ask about stigma though, and i gave a couple of reasons i saw for it.
My particular position (with a met on the net ‘friend’ that was way more than any friendship i ever had in real life) was made all the worse for the fact i wanted to make it more real and did all within my power to do so – she did not want the ‘reality’ and preferred ‘fantasy’ (the ‘single dimension’ – or perhaps two dimensional – life shared via a pc only – but one that went so very ‘deep’ – out of her desire to not endure the real pain of real-life seperation. (She lives in the US with all that is left of her family, and i simply cannot do that).
Despite the real pain that caused me.
Like i said – you are SO normal!
<B
in a week I’ll be staying at the house of a gal I met on the net. So, feel normal now, please.
Carrie:
thanks for putting it all in perspective for me! he he he!!!
Love: wow. sounds like you, despite the pain, made the right decision in that net-relationship. and, i totally agree with the reasons for the stigma. yes… thank you for continuing this discussion with me. and, i mentioned earlier that i’m intentionally trying to bring my “net-friends” into my real life… i think that’s the best thing for me – to keep me honest & authentic, not hiding behind the polished/spell-checked shield of the internet.
Being honest (as always i hope?) i probably have not yet made ‘The Decision’ right or otherwise.
While there was certainly pain, lots of frustration and some anger (and a deep,deep sense of ‘loss’) there was also much laughter, consolation, Joy and valuable learning – on both our parts, i hope. No bridges have been totally burned but we have both backed off to less ‘sensitive’ (tender and less ‘sore’) positions.
The thing i really felt about our ‘connection’ was that however ‘real’ we made things (voice chat, camera, e-mail etc) – however much we shared – that without Face to Face personal contact we could never truly KNOW the other – all we knew were computer images/translated versions of a human – not the human themselves. (We NEED to look into another’s eyes – for real!)
Humanity is VITALLY important to a relationship – Accept NO* substitutes!
* there is a single exception that i can think of… Spirituality (to our humanity) is our connection to our relationship with Him!
)
Just wondering – did you get an email from me around a week or so ago M? Title: Help…?
<B
Interesting post and following comments! I’ve thought a lot on this as there is definitely a stigma in my family for “internet” relationships (friend or otherwise.)
However, the thing that I love most about it is that I meet people from all over the place that I’d probably never cross paths with otherwise. I want to get the most out of every relationship, whatever means God uses to bring someone across my path.
Love: i agree about the face-to-face connection. while i’m so blessed to be getting to know all of you via the internet, i’m still maintaining those face-to-face contacts. there is NO substitution (minus spiritually speaking). yes yes yes…
and, i’m checking my emails… nope. nada. did a search for “lovewill” and for “help…” – nothing came up. and there’s nothing in my inbox. must not have gotten an email.
Becky: just this afternoon i was thinking about the above-mentioned relationship – and how AMAZED i am that i can have any kind of genuine connection with someone that is not in my “world”… she is definitely someone that i am blessed to get to know, and would LOVE to have face-to-face contact with. but it would’ve NEVER happened without this crazy internet world – for sure.
Mandy – this week a couple that I met-on-the-net via blogging is driving through VA. They are going to spend the night at my mom’s house, hang out with us, go to our band rehearsal, and just BE here. It’s a little odd; I’m not sure how I’m going to introduce them. They’re as old as my parents, and we’ve chatted on the phone a few times regarding some counseling issues.
It’s a strange new world…I’ll post about how it goes…
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