i’ve really been thinking through this whole internet identity thing - monday’s discussion about net relationships and tuesday’s discussion about what we say out here. both have sparked some thoughts for me.
i’m just a girl. what you get around here is always real and authentic and honest… but, you also get my best behavior. you get me spell-checked, re-written, typed-out neatly, intentionally rebelling against proper grammar.
BUT:
- you don’t see me before my “internet makeup” has been put on.
- you don’t hear about certain heartaches.
- you don’t know how far behind i am in my bible reading plan.
- you don’t get the things that make me so stressed out sometimes.
- you don’t read the curse words that soar through my mind when i’m really angry.
- you don’t even get the stuff that makes me angry.
the last thing i want you to think is that you don’t know me.
but the next to the last thing i want you to think is that you DO know me.
i’m keenly aware of the eyes that are out there - familiar and unfamiliar. those who know me - who have once known me - but will never leave a comment to reveal that they read this. i’m also aware that, for some of you, this is the only access to “mandy” that you get. because of that, i wanna make sure that you are getting the real thing… so, i’m careful to be genuine. real and genuine. sometimes i have to take a deep breath before i hit publish (this post is no exception)…
anyway… just wanna make sure we’re all on the same page. so, read on, but read with an awareness:
i’m on my best behavior.
::
what about you? are you on your best behavior?
how do you handle revealing yourself to the internet-at-large? i want to continue this whole discussion of what we throw out there (see think before you type to start).
what is safe to talk about - what ISN’T safe to talk about. and why?
if you have family/children how does this effect what you say?
if you are in ministry or public service, how does THIS effect your words?
so - what will you NOT say out here?
and what WILL you say out there?
41 responses so far ↓
traciejane // April 17, 2008 at 9:45 am
Hi Mandy,
I have typed without thinking,not on my best behavior, and the experience of it make no mistake has been humiliating and not something I am not proud of. But I have learned from it. As for you, I have learned a lot of things about you from your
blog and it has been a joy to me to see growth in your heart during the time of reading your blog. I know some things of you that would not be disclosed on here and I respect your decision not to post non publishable items. Many of times I do lurk on here and I want to comment but I don’t have words to describe it. I am listening to a cd about skillfullness in friendship and the pastor talks about
that most people can handle our good and bad, but very few people can handle our ugly. And I think we all have some ugly, and we have to discern when it’s safe to
show that, and when it is not. I slip and show my ugly sometimes where it is not appropriate. I am in the process of learning all this. Thankfully I have forgiveness and grace.
Thanks for reading my rambling!
Tracie
traciejane // April 17, 2008 at 9:47 am
And once again I meant “not something I am proud of.”
Dan Underwood // April 17, 2008 at 9:55 am
I am not as regular a blogger as you, but I don’t post things other people tell me one-on-one (at least not without permission), as I find that could break an unspoken confidence someone expects from me. I try to post a balance of lighter/funnier and serious/personal things. Many questions, but it’s definitely only a small sample size of who I am (an almost complete representation, but a small sample size nonetheless). I never write about tension points with my wife as I try to deal with those personally and not through venting on the web or to others (though I will talk with my accountability partners about anything noteworthy). When I first started, I wouldn’t even write Joanna’s name out of fear that someone was going to steal our identity or stalk us, but I’ve slacked off on that somewhat. There’s a few thoughts for ya.
Russ // April 17, 2008 at 10:17 am
Heh, it’s kind of like “first few dates syndrome.”
You know you put your best foot forward so the other party gets to know all of your strengths instead of your weaknesses.
Personally, I think any mature person knows when to hit publish and when not to. Mandy your blog is a soaring example of a well-thought out, intelligent, authentic and REAL look into your life.
I wouldn’t be offended if you let out a curse word in a post occasionally. Just kidding…I would probably disown you. Just kidding…I would probably laugh. Just kidding…no seriously…no, just kidding…
mandythompson // April 17, 2008 at 10:22 am
Russ: *@#&%*& (just kidding!)
Tracie: thank you for your words. as one who knows me in “real life” i really value your perspective on what i’m throwing out here for others to read. you’re not the only one from back home who has observed a transformation of my heart over the past year. i don’t really see it - not yet - but others who know me well have noted the same thing. interesting. very interesting.
Dan: wise words. you know i’m stalking you & your bride! muahahahah….
mandythompson // April 17, 2008 at 10:53 am
Dan: if you come back by here - i’m wondering if your wife is comfortable with you mentioning her? just curious - what’s her take on what you share?
adam // April 17, 2008 at 10:55 am
I try to keep my blog PG-13. I would say that I am a little “edgier” in real life, but overall I think I am mostly the same. There are certainly things I would never put up on the blog though!
mandythompson // April 17, 2008 at 11:04 am
PG-13… YES! family-friendly blog fun. good thoughts!
mandythompson // April 17, 2008 at 11:11 am
Tracie: curious = do you feel like i’m being true to myself in this blog?
traciejane // April 17, 2008 at 11:14 am
Mandy, that is awesome! And when you write “real life” I always think of that movie “Dan in Real Life.” Funny. Ooohh, that would be a good title for a blog, “Mandy in Real Life.”
traciejane // April 17, 2008 at 11:15 am
Oh, you just wrote to me. Please clarify, do you mean honest about yourself?
mandythompson // April 17, 2008 at 11:19 am
Tracie: yes, because you know “me” -> am i “me” on this little blog?
Jordan F // April 17, 2008 at 11:34 am
I’m always surprised at what will offend people. A few months back I got to thinking that maybe I blogged too much about Ava (my baby daughter). When I blogged about this and asked some people to please remove pics they’ve posted of Ava people got SO offended. I was shocked… I know it’s the age of the internet and “baby blogs”. BUT I don’t know who Ava will grow up to be, whether she’ll appreciate me blogging about her life or resent it. Once I push the “post” button it’s out there… forever.
The other thing I struggle with is blogging about my faith. My readers are mostly nonchristians and me blogging about election, adoption and grace and blogging about what freedom I’ve found since learning about these truths. Doesn’t hit home with my readers. I feel like they only know a small part of me… but I guess that’s just it. It’s a blog, it’s not real life, it’s not a conversation over a cup of coffee. I just hope readers remember that bloggers are a LOT more than just their blog.
mandythompson // April 17, 2008 at 11:39 am
“I just hope readers remember that bloggers are a LOT more than just their blog.” well said, Jordan!
and i, too, am hesitant to be a baby-blogger if/when i have a baby to blog about. i’ll never forget what my Sexual Ethics professor said: NEVER put pictures of your children on the internet. you have NO idea what will be done with those pictures. unfortunately, she was a counselor in the pornography/sexual addiction arena, and knew what she was talking about.
lovewillbringustogether // April 17, 2008 at 11:46 am
Hey Trace - i think that was permission for you to dish the dirt - So Spill Girl! We want names, places, dates, and any embarrassing video/photo’s ya got!
We (well, I
want the REAL Mandy P!
<B
mandythompson // April 17, 2008 at 11:58 am
LOVE!!!! that was NOT an invitation for dirt! no sir!!!
traciejane // April 17, 2008 at 11:59 am
Lovewillbringustogether:ha ha, yes I was kind of thinking that myself. Trying to
be on my best behavior here, ya know?
Dearest Mandy: I have been pondering your question. I think I need more time. But I will say that I did go back to a recent blog of yours called “Help….” and it brought tears to my eyes. In that blog, that is where I saw you, the real Mandy.
I miss you girl!
lovewillbringustogether // April 17, 2008 at 12:01 pm
As for the q…
I may not always be on my BEST behaviour, but i do my best to represent my ‘better’ nature as openly and honestly as i am comfortable with anyone (and i mean ANYONE ‘cos there are a few freaks out here in blogland/cyberspace) knowing.
My unbetter nature i try to keep tucked away and out of sight - is that being dishonest or just good mannered - hard to say really
Not having Kids i don’t feel i can comment on that.
Only ever say on the net what you are comfortable with your worst enemy knowing about you - cos they are probably here - taking notes!
Hi Tam! 
I’m a little bit unsure about even saying our Birthdays on the net ‘cos identity theft is a MASSIVE industry and some people make a living from scanning cyberspace looking for ‘prey’ - sad but very true i’m afraid.
Oh and Mandy? if you send me your bank details via e-mail (for security!) I will post you 50 bucks for your birthday - it was on what date again? - my memory is getting very bad lately!
<B
tam // April 17, 2008 at 12:10 pm
well.
I will NOT pick on someone else’s age on the net.
nope.
not me.
that’s just mean.
TheNorEaster // April 17, 2008 at 12:18 pm
are you on your best behavior?
Nope. Not even on my own blog. I am who I am. Warts and all. No sense in my trying to hide it. And there is certainly no sense in my trying to be someone I am not. And besides that, nothing stirred Jesus to greater indignation than hypocrisy. And I figure if people don’t like who I am, there are a million other places they can spend their time on the Internet.
how do you handle revealing yourself to the internet-at-large?
I write anonymously. Heck, not even my publisher knows about my blog. My picture was on it, but I had some “technical difficulties” so I just took it off. As I had said before, of all the people I’ve met in the blogsphere, only one knows my first real name. (And maybe the spouse of that person.) Now, of course, I know that there are people I know in the biosphere who know about my blog and who read it and who probably do not comment on it, but that’s their choice–not mine.
what is safe to talk about - what ISN’T safe to talk about?
What is safe is what you are comfortable writing about. What is not safe is what you are not comfortable writing about. And even if you have doubts later, you can always delete what you wrote. It’s your blog; you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
if you have family/children how does this effect what you say?
My family doesn’t know about my blog and I don’t have children. Will they know someday? Probably. Will I ever tell my publisher or reveal my real name? That…remains to be seen. But, if I had to guess–now, today–I would say, “Probably not.”
if you are in ministry or public service, how does THIS effect your words?
If I ever spoke at my church–the details are still being worked out about starting another service–I would probably try to make my words more accessible, which is simply a matter of editing a few words and clarifying a few details.
what will you NOT say out here?
I will NOT discuss my favorite color or how I like my coffee, or what, precisely, I do for a living. I will NOT discuss my shoe size, what kind of clothes I wear, or what happened last Saturday night/Sunday morning. I will NOT discuss politics, Politics, or POLITICS. And despite how much I would love to quote my biosphere work in the blogsphere, that I’m simply not going to do. For several reasons, none of which I’ll go into here, but it would be all right for me to say that sometimes it is a matter of copyright. Sometimes.
and what WILL you say out there?
I will comment in metaphors and with mysteries, in riddles and the ridiculous. Seldom do I tell the tale of a Storm before I have seen the Sunrise. I will write about the spiritual trials I have faced once A spiritual verdict has been achieved (there is often more than one verdict; God is like that–one trial, many lessons). I will write about the journey while I am searching for my destination. These words of mine may well last long after I am gone…very little point in my wasting them.
traciejane // April 17, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Okay I think I got my thoughts in order enough to express them in words on a blog.
That is all I am going to disclose, no dirt! LOL! Mandy, I have seen integrity in this blog. And that is the growth I see in your heart, an explosion of intergrity and honesty and vulnerability, and authenticity. I just love reading it daily!
The Mandy I know notices hurting hearts and has mercy on souls more than anyone I know. She loves ice cream, cats, and Beth Moore. Which I have not seen expressed on here as much as I thought I would, but I love that because I get to see another side of her that I don’t know. The real Mandy loves on people with the love of God and she loves the word of God. I mean she literally gets really excited about the word of God like she gets excited about making videos about the word “y’all.”
traciejane // April 17, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Do they have spell check on wordpress? Cause I need it. Intergrity is the southern way to say integrity, ha ha jk!
mandythompson // April 17, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Love: NO bank details!!!!!
TheNor: thank you for that… really… and how do you survive WW with all the trivial questions about favorite icecream and what happened on sunday, etc??? i’m more interested than ever in finding out who you are. but i will refrain!
Tam: you are a better woman than me!
Tracie: wow - those words mean a LOT. so much… you do know me well. thank you for thinking through that answer. (your check is in the mail!)
traciejane // April 17, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Mandy that was a big question, phew! But I spoke from my heart, really. However, I am going to need my comfort food after that. Your check will be going towards more Breyers Rocky Road and Basic For Cereal, ha ha!
TheNorEaster // April 17, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Mandy:
You’re welcome.
I love the trivial questions on Wacky Wednesday. Except when they are about a certain topic. Then, I just [Exit. Stage left.] like yesterday. But things like WW and Fill-In-Friday keep me light when things get heavy.
Glad to know you are “more interested than ever to know” who I am, but not as delighted as I am to learn that you “will refrain.”
As for what happened on Sunday…
TheNorEaster // April 17, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Oh. It appears I hit the “submit” button too soon.
So let me try again.
As for what happened on Sunday…
TheNorEaster // April 17, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Gosh, I just can’t seem to get it right today, Mandy!
Sorry!
mandythompson // April 17, 2008 at 12:58 pm
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Natalie Jane // April 17, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I think that the answers to your questions will vary depending on the purpose of a person’s blog.
For me, I have gotten wiser about what to write and what not to. But there are times when comments that make me feel “misunderstood” cause me to want to write more than I otherwise would.
My blog is a eyepiece that allows you to get a glimpse of the world as I see it. Usually humorous, sometimes insightful. I try only to say things that are important to the ongoing story.
I think being involved in ministry is a complication and responsibility that needs to be considered when blogging. I think children read my blog sometimes, so I try to be mindful of that.
Good discussion.
mandythompson // April 17, 2008 at 1:03 pm
NatJ: so what do you do when those misunderstanding commenters get to you? do you elaborate or ignore? i’ve had that happen a few times - not necessarily on THIS blog, though. and i’ve struggled with whether or not to hash it out… thoughts?
tawny // April 17, 2008 at 1:15 pm
A huge part of the reason I started a blog is because I have a passion for God’s people to really love each other. I believe in order to love each other, we have to really know each other. It is hard for me to find the time and oportunities to share the deepest ponderings of my heart with my friends. I am pretty real, in real life, but you have to sit down with a cup of coffee or at least have 10 minutes to share your latest spiritual struggle with a friend. I rarely get to do that. So that is what I do on my blog. I do feel the risk, emotionally, of people misunderstanding my heart but if it lets my friends know me better and helps someone else in their stuggles, it is worth it to me. So many of you mentioned praying before we hit “publish” and that is the answer for me too.
Natalie Jane // April 17, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I think it depends on how “off” the comment is. If it’s a personal attack, (I’ve only had one) I invite them to talk with me via email. But my purpose has changed too. I used to attempt to always be understood. Now I simply try to communicate my point or idea. There is a subtle difference, but is a personally freeing one.
mandythompson // April 17, 2008 at 2:48 pm
NatJ: thanks for coming back… i, too, am aiming to best communicate my point. i’m sure that my readers don’t read as carefully as i write. so, there’s bound to be misunderstandings. gosh: i’ve done that as a reader of other blogs as well! i don’t think we can prevent ALL mis-readings, but we CAN try our danged-est to accurately represent ourselves.
Tawny: i think Tracie (see above comments) has observed some of the same stuff in my blog as well. there’s a part of me that just comes out in this that might not come out in my everyday conversations…. but, if you sat down with me long enough, this that i share in my blog is the type of pensive/goofy thoughts that would come out.
Dan Underwood // April 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
In response to Mandy’s comment above: “Dan: if you come back by here - i’m wondering if your wife is comfortable with you mentioning her? just curious - what’s her take on what you share?”
Joanna is okay with it as long as I don’t mention personal information (address, ssn, credit card numbers, etc.). Again, she probably wouldn’t be happy if I started sharing all our struggles (not that we have any, we’re perfect). But, she doesn’t mind when I praise her
mandythompson // April 17, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Dan: thanks for coming back!! yes. you keep praising her in public!!! & i think we all try to stay away from addresses & personal info…
lovewillbringustogether // April 17, 2008 at 10:30 pm
I took a course on bringing out the real you - The better you within. One of the topics had to do with communication and a very valid point that has stayed with me in real life and the blogsphere is this…
Our communication is not what we say or the way we say it (and getting cross-post for a second humans communicate about 55% of what they mean/are via our body language, which can almost never be displayed on a blog (except for the ‘Mandy-mini’s
); 35% through the tone of our voice (hard to pick up on blogs) and only 9-10% through the actual words of what we say/write, hence we don’t have all that much chance of being ‘real’ here, folks! - However honestly we write.) no - our communication is what OTHER PEOPLE GET (not what we ’say’).
We can try our darndest to say what we mean the way we mean it - that don’t mean the other people listening can hear what we truly mean the way WE meant it.
I think it is important to try to resolve any misunderstandings - particularly those that result in negative emotions. This can sometimes be quite easy (if the person having them bothers to stick around our blog or will listen to what we really meant) but sometimes we don’t get the chance - or the other person closes their minds to us.
Ultimately, we need to realise that misunderstandings in blogland are easy to make and we should behave accordingly, and that it is important we understand ourselves and what we are trying to say and say it as clearly and precisely and consistently as we are currently able to do, while retaining the essence of our own integrity and personality.
And it is also quite vital for us all to retain a sense of humour
And Love!
Are you SURE you don’t want to give me your bank details so i can send the $50 Mand? I promise i won’t
Honest injun. 
selltell it to anyone else!<B
HeatherBlankenship // April 17, 2008 at 11:01 pm
well, I am on my best at times I suppose, but honestly there is not much filter on what I write on my blog. I do filter specifics about my little one and I am careful not to post about anyone else other than me. Everything I write comes from a place of either pain, confusion or enlightenment that has come about recently in my own life. If my current turmoil includes another person, I never bring their stuff up in my blog. I try to only have self-disclosure.
Mandy you know me pretty well, so obviously not all of me is on my blog. There are huge facets that I don’t know how to relay. My sense of humor for one thing, never comes across in written form! lol.
anyhow, there is my two cents!
alece // April 17, 2008 at 11:34 pm
i liked how you worded things in your post. and i feel the same about me. readers of my blog get the “real me”, but it’s not a full picture of the real me. that doesn’t make it fake or unauthentic, just a piece of the puzzle.
danielle // April 18, 2008 at 8:02 am
I was thinking about this post this morning, specifically the part about leaders and ministers blogging. I think of Alece and Angie…when I read some of their “real” moments, weaknesses or silliness even, I am able to relate to them. Since I am able to relate I am reminded that they are “just people too” and that maybe I can do something amazing for God as well just as they are.
mandythompson // April 18, 2008 at 10:13 am
Danielle: amen….. i think there is SUCH value in Christian Leaders bearing their “Human-ness” with dignity and grace. we are all human, and it is good and right to remember that our leaders and examples in the faith are human as well.
Al: yes. just a piece of the puzzle….
LOVE: you are right. we HAVE to consider how others will receive what we are giving. yes. totally. all the time…. communication is so much about what’s being heard - not just what’s being said.
Heather: LOL! you are SO right - where IS your sense of humor?!?
Kristiapplesauce // April 18, 2008 at 11:58 am
yeah…I say it all. Good, bad, indifferent. I have had to edit a few because my husband asked me to or because I was convicted of slamming somebody too harshly. What can I say? I am all emotion, all of the time (something that God is working on at the moment). As to what I write about…usually whatever is swimming on in my head. I have been slammed against the wall a few times by some people whom shall remain nameless but whom as they were telling me all about why they “don’t read my blog anymore”…they were also telling me what was wrong with it currently. Things like: That I shouldn’t write about how I feel or about family or ministry. But if that is the case then I probably shouldn’t have a blog. Whatever. I have a disclosure on it though so the mission we are with isn’t ness. linked or in agreement with what I am writing about, although most of my posts are now about our life in ministry. I also keep it pg(ish). I used to be in youth ministry, so those kids are always welcomed there. Duh. So you know, whatever. Hi mom.