…and we’d only been married a few months.
and i emphasize “a few months”…
when we got married, we consolidated our bank accounts (or what was left of them after the wedding/honeymoon) and of course drew was the master budgeting mathematician.
[who, by the way, couldn't grasp the fact that i never ever ever balanced my checking, even though i carefully explained to him that the ATM always printed my account total when i made a withdrawal. duh.]
so, back to shopping:
“its almost winter and i’d like to go shopping for some winter clothes.”
drew - “yeah! sure! ok. what do you need?”
“well, a few pairs of jeans, maybe a sweater or two, some long-sleeve items, stuff like that.”
drew - “that sounds fine. where are you wanting to shop?”
“you know, like TJ Maxx and the Gap and Old Navy and maybe Payless. so, how much can i spend?”
drew - “oh… about thirty dollars.”
i’m sure you can imagine the negotiation that ensued.
::
so, what was YOUR first year of marriage like.
39 responses so far ↓
Kristiapplesauce // May 5, 2008 at 7:22 am
This one time we were in the kitchen and I realized that we were out of milk. Let me remind you that I don’t even drink milk. But only poor people [in my mind] don’t have milk in their fridges…so I start telling Daniel that we need to go get milk. He tells me that we will get milk on Friday (this was Wed. I think) and I start freaking out and scrounging in my purse for change. He then calms me down because I am hysterical at this point and he holds me tight and talks to me about money being a tool that God gave to us and if we don’t yield it properly then we will be in sin. I was seriously hysterical over the stupid milk. So I relaxed and at that point figured out that Daniel knew how to lead our family and that God was providing. It was a turning point.
Hutch // May 5, 2008 at 8:14 am
I was out of work for the first three plus months of our marriage. Steph was working about 35 hrs/wk. It was great in the long run because Steph and I learned right up front that money meant jack (and as Kristi’s husband pointed out, is only a tool), that God would provide and that we could lively frugally. However, was it humbling and, at points, sucky.
Alrighty, paper due at four today. Back to work for me.
Cindy Beall // May 5, 2008 at 8:19 am
Awful and dreadful and any other not so pleasing sounding word. We fought at least every other day. Joining our two lives to make them one was difficult, to say the least. Shortly after our honeymoon we wondered, “What have we done?”
That was 15 years ago
Now, it’s better than we could have ever imagined, which is why people should fight to stay together. It takes work!
TheNorEaster // May 5, 2008 at 8:27 am
Well, I’ve never been married, but I was engaged once or twice. I forget sometimes. But I know it was once or twice. Or maybe three times. No, wait. It wasn’t three times. I know it wasn’t three times. Must have been two. Must have been.
Anyway…there was this night…
…let’s just say if that little story is as bad things got for you during your first year of marriage, youse guys had it made. Had it made. And you were living in paradise. Paradise, I say. Compared to the first year of my engagement. I mean, my first first year of my first engagement.
Or maybe it was the third year of my fourth engagement. I ferget. Sometimes.
Gosh, it must have been a traumatic experience!
littlemissmary // May 5, 2008 at 8:30 am
We battle tested our marriage the first year by building a house. Financially, we were barely ready for that. We moved in about 2 weeks after our first anniversary. During the process, we learned that my husband’s company was going to close at some point in the near future and he would be out of work, but we didn’t know when. (He’s pretty specialized in what he does so finding work where we lived was near impossible.) We gambled and built the house anyway. 2 years later, the company closed and it was another 18 mos before he had a job. Neither of us knew Jesus at that point, but to be honest, looking back, I know He knew us. It was 10 years before I accepted Christ, and my husband followed a few months later. That first year should have broken us; broken our marriage and our bank account but it didn’t happen. Writing this, I am realizing just how much God intended for us to be together. His plan is so much bigger than ours, and He does work out all the details including the financial ones!
mandythompson // May 5, 2008 at 8:31 am
“fight to stay together” LOVE THAT CINDY!!!!
hutch: how’s the paper?
kristi: we were without milk a week ago. i had that strange “poor people” feeling as well. very strange.
lori // May 5, 2008 at 8:33 am
K…that last post is me…i was logged in to update my daughters blog…and forgot to log out! sorry for the confusion!
mandythompson // May 5, 2008 at 8:33 am
TheNor: are you sure you didn’t dream all that???
LittleMissMary: HI!!! haven’t seen you around here - but LOVE your comment. thank you for taking the time. wow. love the comment….
lori // May 5, 2008 at 8:33 am
HA!! Not the last one! the one from littlemissmary…that’s me…
i should just go back to bed today!!!
mandythompson // May 5, 2008 at 8:34 am
LOL!!! LORI!!!!!!!! now THAT is funny! tell your daughter we said hey!
lori // May 5, 2008 at 8:36 am
Lei // May 5, 2008 at 9:08 am
Ups and downs like most.
But the big fight that sticks out at me actually happened right before our wedding. In Target. Over a toaster.
With scanner gun in hand I headed to register for the nice black toaster. Soon-to-be-hubby contended that toasters should be chrome. Black. Chrome. Black.
It was not pretty. But we survived. Seven years later we are happily enjoying our toast from a nice, chrome toaster. And I get the pleasure of reminding hubby exactly who did the compromising in that deal . . .I bet he wishes we got black.
mandythompson // May 5, 2008 at 9:47 am
OH LEI!!!!! yes. scanner gun in hand. standing in Bed Bath & Beyond. toaster oven should look retro. too expensive! but its not our money. STILL TOO EXPENSIVE. retro - expensive - retro - expensive.
ugh.
i was SOOOOOOOOOOOO mad.
SOOOOOOOO mad.
the thing started breaking after 3 years. but we still have it. ugly thing.
danielle NOT daniel (just to be clear) // May 5, 2008 at 9:49 am
As was mentioned, registering was tough. I LOVE color and Daniel accepted blue. So our bedroom, bathroon and kitchen were all blue. Our living room was whatever handmedown’s we were given with nothing on the walls. Now…we have a green dining room, a yellow living room with red couches and a brown bedroon. hehe (That was all so long ago!)
Other than that, we had a GREAT first year of marriage. There are a couple of instances that stand out to me that caused tensions:
1) We were doing laundry together, and I was “loading it wrong”. So we aggreed to not do laundry together.
2) I wanted to get my nails done as a treat. We had a little wiggle room (in the first couple months of marriage) so we could afford, but Daniel told me “no” and I had a fit. Before we were married, I lived at home and had a job so I could just go shopping. So, I didn’t get my nails done.
He’s such a wonderful husband.
This was fun thinking back on and hearing your story!
Michelle // May 5, 2008 at 9:58 am
Our first year of marriage was a blast!! We were stressed from school and work, but lovin’ no curfew and making our own way. We were in a small Christian college (reason for the curfew) living in student housing. Our rent was $92.00, it might as well have been $920.00, we brought in a total of $500.00 a month - that was counting Phat’s grandmother sending us $100.00 to supplement. Needless to say, we window shopped.
I student taught and Phat finished up his senior year while working for the IRS.
The only thing I remember fussing about was my desire to have a perfectly clean apartment, but I was worn out with teaching, lesson plans, classes, cooking and cleaning. It was the hardest thing for me to go to bed without our place in perfect order. Phat could not understand my need for perfection and began slowly chipping away at my obsessions…fast forward 25 years…he’s the neat freak and I’m the laid back one.
HW // May 5, 2008 at 10:54 am
Wow. I don’t know if I remember back that far.
Money wasn’t an issue for a few years, since we both were working. That happened after I quit to stay home with our first baby. I grew up in a home where my mother would throw up after spending too much money… and she would make us promise not to tell my dad (who would freak if someone spent money). So finding myself in a situation where I wasn’t making any money, and having to use a budget was a really hard thing… and if my husband would bring it up or point out that I needed to cut back, I would break down and hyperventilate. Poor guy… I wonder how he put up with me!
Even still, we have those moments where we both have differing ideas on what we should or should not spend money on. Of course, I hate clothes shopping (sorry, girls).
But the first year was awesome.
mandythompson // May 5, 2008 at 11:03 am
Heidi: GASP - you hate clothes shopping? does your husband appreciate this fact? because he SHOULD!
Danielle: yes. we have to let go of treats, sometimes, don’t we?!? but we have a fit in the process… oh so many fits.
Red: WOW - things change, huh? he’s the neat freak? there’s hope for ‘em all!!!!!
alece // May 5, 2008 at 11:05 am
add into the mix the fact that we are from different cultures, and manohman… our first year was rough.
we had fights over things like whether or not eggs and opened ketchup/mayo/salad dressings should remain in the fridge.
check our fridge today. they’re all in there.
HW // May 5, 2008 at 11:18 am
I’m not sure he does appreciate it. I think the fact that I could support a small country with the money I use buying books to read kind of negates the shopping thing.
mandythompson // May 5, 2008 at 11:39 am
Heidi: yeah. that’s where you went wrong. he he he!!!!!
Alece:
eggs are supposed to go in the fridge?
gchyayles // May 5, 2008 at 11:42 am
Sooooo I’m a little too organized for my own good and I don’t know how many times I’ve looked at hubby’s house/car keys lying on the dresser or bedside table instead of the nice key rack that’s right at the entrance of the apartment, waiting for keys to be hung on it! I know it sounds so petty but it frustrates me
Hubby is pretty good in terms of being neat but he’s not as urgent as me about it and I try to make it urgent for him but alas, it doesn’t work ;(. He walks in the door from work and I am just eyeing the rack in the hopes that he will place those keys on it but he just walks right past it and I hear a clanking sound coming from the bedroom [yup, it's those keys, on the dresser or bedside table].
Oh and hubby is totally preppy–boots in every single color you can imagine, 2 pairs of white kicks, etc etc and me? I’m totally okay with one pair of white kicks to last me a couple of summers and one pair of black boots to last me a couple of winters. That changed when hubby and I started dating. He would look at my white nikes and be like ‘are those from last year’ [gasp] LOL. Or “you can’t wear black boots with a brown sweater babe” [and WHY NOT?!?!] Yeah that was interesting and now I hate to admit it but I have brown, black and grey boots and I have more than one white pairs of kicks EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!
I think our greatest adjustment has been the television. I grew up in a home where we were allowed to watch tv at certain times and definitely no television after 8pm. We didn’t have tvs in our rooms or anything. Hubby grew up the complete opposite. Televisions everywhere [even a small one in their bathroom!!!] and was used to falling asleep with the television on [hecksssss naw!!!! I need quiet to fall asleep lol]. So yeah that has been a battle. I’ll be sleeping and he’ll come in the room and switch the television on and I will get up and pull the plug out [in my sleep I swear O:)]. No but he’s becoming better at just watching it outside until he gets sleepy and then coming into the bedroom, reading and then sleeping without switching it on [hallelujah!]
rachelpage // May 5, 2008 at 11:51 am
Oh, we struggled over many truly significant issues, like how to “correctly” load the dishwasher and what personal toiletry items should sit out on the bathroom counter versus in the cabinets. Have I mentioned I am particular? If only I had a dishwasher now, I would let him load it however he felt like it!
We had a lot of great adventures that first year, though, not the least of which was having our first floor apartment flood three times and having to move all our furniture to higher ground in about 15 minutes while the water was rushing in under the door. We moved the next summer.
Brandy // May 5, 2008 at 11:52 am
I have the SAME problem now 7 years later.
Seriously. About everthing, not just clothes. He thought that a huge area rug for our living rooms was going to be less than $30. And he expected decorative shelves for the house to cost AT MOST $10. Not joking. 
Our first year of marriage however went something like this:
Him: So, uh, ya wanna?
Me: Um, seriously? We just uh, you know, like THREE HOURS AGO.
Him: yeah, so? What’s your point?
tam // May 5, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Our first Christmas was hysterical. i actually went to the dollar store to buy B his gift. Not because I wanted to but because that’s what we could afford.
On the other hand, even while knowing our budget, Brent bought the one thing I had been begging for…a Remington Wet/Dry Razor!!!!!
I noticed it under the tree “wrapped” (he really sucks at that) so I knew EXACTLY what it was. I grabbed it, got in my car, checked the tag (that he didn’t remove) to see where he purchased it, returned it, went to our bank and redeposited that back into our account!
good?
no?
tam // May 5, 2008 at 12:12 pm
BWAAAAAAAAANDEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
mandythompson // May 5, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Tammy: sshhhh…. no yelling on my blog! were you raised in a barn or something!?!
gchyayles: ??????….. a woman who only needs TWO pairs of shoes. i-have-no-words.
Rachelpage: y’all have NEVER had luck with homes? have you?
Brandy: LOL!!! three hours huh? and how many kids do you have now?
gchyayles // May 5, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Welllllll I know that’s pretty strange! Especially since my mom has every single colored shoe you can imagine with matching purses. And it’s not that I didn’t like being “girly” for lack of a better term when I was growing up [still liked makeup and dressing up] but never had an urge to buy a whole lot of shoes. Hubby totally changed that. I’m not obsessed or anything but I do have a nice collection going. I am big on flip flops–I’ll wear flip flops with ANYTHING!
Brandy // May 5, 2008 at 12:33 pm
WHAT?!
heehee
Mandy, three kids.
Dylan 4 (as of last week)
Aidan 2.5
Owen almost 10 months.
For real though, a much more “G” topic….grocery shopping. He thought that with the two of us we should only have to spend about $60 on food for two weeks.
YEAH. SURE. If I was anorexic. Which I’m not. And probably could never be b/c well, I can eat. 
So we upped it to $100 and even then I was hurtin’ b/c I LOVE cabinets full of food. I feel weird if we are low on food. I love the look of cabinets full of canned food and boxed food and a full refridgerator. He however couldn’t care less. 
Even now with kids, he still thinks we should only spend $100. Sooooo not happening. I usually get my way, but I also have to try and go as cheap as possible or else it’s world war three. And he totally doesn’t get that kids snack….ALL DAY LONG….so we truly need an endless supply of everything in the house at all times. Speaking of, I’m pretty sure we’re low on milk which in this house is a sin.
TheNorEaster // May 5, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Mandy:
Dream what? I just woke up.
Natalie Witcher // May 5, 2008 at 3:07 pm
$30 HA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
mandythompson // May 5, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Natalie: i’m glad YOU got a kick out of it, because i DID NOT!!!
Lei // May 5, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Mandy - No. Way. Fellow picky-toaster-buyers unite!!
Kevin E. // May 5, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Check back with me in 8-10 years.
mandythompson // May 5, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Kevin: you taking notes here???
Pete Wilson // May 6, 2008 at 12:18 am
Our first year was a bit rough. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe that marriage to me would be difficult. 11 year later we are still working out the kinks. Life is good.
Julie P // May 6, 2008 at 9:13 am
Oh let’s see…we knew each other for 9 months prior to getting married and that whole time I lived in IL and Greg lived here in Nashville. I didn’t move here until we were married. Knew no one, of course. So we get married in late February and in early May find out he’s going to spend the rest of the YEAR on tour (he’s a lighting guy - it was the ‘98 Reba McEntire/Brooks & Dunn tour). I think he was home for about 24 hrs every 2-3 weeks or so. Yeah. Not good times.
Then there was the day we had under $5 in our account and we were low on groceries so I ate Helper for dinner (because Greg, of course, was on tour). That would be Hamburger Helper, sans hamburger.
What I did for love…
mandythompson // May 6, 2008 at 9:16 am
Pete: difficult to be married to you? naaahhhhhhhhh.
kara // May 6, 2008 at 11:09 am
Let’s see… we’re almost eight months into our first year together and life is great!! I LOVE marriage, and so far, we haven’t had any major fights to deal with. We’re pretty busy with work, church, after-work commitments, etc., and it’s sometimes a challenge to find quality time for just us, but we love the time that we do have together.
And really, you NEVER balanced your checkbook? Ever?? Never ever???
mandythompson // May 6, 2008 at 11:47 am
kara: yes! the secrets of your former roommate - ah huh. never ever ever. but, i DID keep the bank statements in a neat little folder each month. does that count for something?
where’s YOUR blog?