i’m a bit of a worrier - since childhood. i don’t worry as much as i used to, but i still have to fight it sometimes. i have this fear of the unknown. i like to know i can handle myself in situations, but i don’t have that confidence when facing unfamiliar circumstances. my only defense is preparation. if i can prepare myself for all possible disasters, then i have conquered the “bad” of the unknown before it becomes known.
example: first time riding the subway here. i ran through all the movies i could think of that depicted subway life, imagined myself in that type of scenario, and assessed that i could handle it.
a few weeks ago i was hit by one of those experiences that i never imagined facing and was in no way prepared to face. the whole event whirled into my life like a fierce Noreaster that can’t be stopped; i never had the time to worriedly prepare myself for the next rush of wind. i didn’t have anyone in my life that had weathered this type of storm, and had no handbook for what to do “in case of emergency.”
drew and i figured it out as we went. made decisions in-the-moment. and pressed through.
i didn’t have time to worry.
i didn’t have time to prepare for this unknown.
but i made it through. i handled it.
i am ok.
this experience has given me a new strength. a new awareness of my own resilience. and a new hope that i will be able to navigate the next unforeseen storm of life just fine.
24 responses so far ↓
Heidi // July 22, 2008 at 2:20 pm
A worrier here also, I run the local chapter for the worriers here
I found out that my many worries were based on my figment of my imagination and future thinking, with a big old sloppy side order of ‘What if.’ ‘
What if money runs out and we starve’ ‘What if Safeway doesn’t carry my favorite cookies anymore ?’ What if? What if? What if?
Learning to stand up to the What if’s is conquering a life long stronghold
I had to find my FAITH and HOLD on.
And
YES
I am okay too..
Indian Lake Papa // July 22, 2008 at 2:34 pm
You have probably heard this but it is a good reminder: “worrying is a good thing - I found out that 90% of the things I worry about never happen - therefore worrying must work - right?” Trust Mandy, learn to really trust God.
christi // July 22, 2008 at 2:45 pm
don’t i know the feeling of being barraged by a chain of events during which i desperately wish i had a guidebook. or better yet, someone who’s been there to talk to.
i also have come to find that “resilience” you speak of that we discover when we open our eyes to peek around and see in amazement that we’re still standing. it’s quite an alive feeling…
glad you’re okay.
Jennifer Griffin // July 22, 2008 at 3:12 pm
I can relate so well with what you are saying. much of my life I lived in fear. Fear of storms….of life and lighting! Fear of a break in….fire..just anything. When I was a little girl i had the same fears. After our dad left I used to pile up my stuffed animals on one side of the bed that was nearest to the door. I would sleep behind them..thinking they’d sheild me from a bullet. Seriously. Fear and worry are so huge. I started quoting scripture and I’d have to say I am a much different person now than I was 8 years ago…”God has not given us the spirit of fear.” He also wants us to lay our worries on His shoulders…to hand them over and to cuddle up on His lap. To let Him comfort us in His arms..with His word. You can already see how God has used what all you faced to make you stronger. That is all apart of His refining process. You are growing…molding….changing everyday..even if you can’t see it. It’s awesome though when you can look back and see it!
tawny // July 22, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I am not a worrier by nature. By nature, I pretty much just want to live in the moment and have fun. I tried to plan for a while, because that is what grown-ups are supposed to do. After I realized nothing goes the way you plan, positive or negative, I decided planning is for the birds and am just living in the moment again. It’s fun.
I am very thankful for my more practical friends (and husband) who keep me from falling into huge messes though!
Brandy // July 22, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Ya know how I tackle the worry?
Celexa. It’s a lovely little oval pill.
I have issues.
Brandy // July 22, 2008 at 4:30 pm
spam monster ate me.
Brandy // July 22, 2008 at 4:30 pm
probably b/c I endorsed an anti anxiety pill!
HAHA!!
alece // July 22, 2008 at 4:39 pm
i
am
proud
of
you.
Paloma // July 22, 2008 at 5:27 pm
wow.
I know what you mean.
A friend of mine recently pointed out that I get clouded by all of the “What ifs” that I come up with before anything has even happened. It paralyzes me.
I’m glad you’re alright, whatever it was!
I’m also glad I don’t have to “worry” (dang puns) about taking the subway…I like my personal space too much!
mandythompson // July 22, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Brandy: i rescued you.
worriers: i’ve had to face more than one fear since moving from “home” to far away New England… i think having MONTHS of unfamiliar circumstances really has been a blessing for me. really. a growing time in ways i’m not even aware of now.
edfromct // July 22, 2008 at 6:03 pm
So very glad that you have come through you experience. That both you and Drew worked together to get past it.
My childhood doctor told me I worried of the world. I think everyone worries about stuff, that never happens or turns out to be much less of a problem than we expected. When bad things do happen to us, and they will, we find we have much more strength than we expected, more friends to help us through than we thought we had.
I think it would be a very good thing if everbody had to spend some time in another country, a new culture, completely different from their own. The most important thing we will learn is that people are the same every where. Even though you guys from the South don’t speak very clearly.
JudiFree.com // July 22, 2008 at 6:03 pm
I am exactly the same way! I now prefer to be spontaneous so that I don’t have time to worry about things and I don’t get upset when thing don’t “go according to plan” because there was no plan to start with! It’s so liberating!
God // July 22, 2008 at 6:06 pm
“Do you realize that your imagination of the future, which is almost always dictated by fear of some kind, rarely, if ever, pictures Me there with you? The person who lives by their fears will not find freedom in My love. I am not talking about rational fears regarding legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projection of those into the future. To the degree that those fears have a place in your life, you neither believe I am good nor know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it you talk about it, but you don’t know it.”
mandythompson // July 22, 2008 at 6:13 pm
yes.
but i think i’m learning it.
alece // July 22, 2008 at 6:14 pm
me, too… i think it’ll take me my whole life…
(that’s another quote from “The Shack”, you know. you should totally read it.)
mandythompson // July 22, 2008 at 6:46 pm
that book… i can’t get away from it.
ang // July 22, 2008 at 9:15 pm
The thing about worries…they don’t end, once we quit worrying about one thing, another thing will be on its way…it keeps us growing girl:)
Hutch // July 23, 2008 at 12:04 am
Mandy,
Two thoughts, easy one first:
1) Wrote up a post tonight about El Shacko. I too haven’t been able to get away from it as of late. It appears to be a book that stands on the edge of a knife… http://allenthehusband.wordpress.com/2008/07/22/the-shack/
2) Regarding this post. Oi. A story and then unsolicited advice.
1,125 days ago I remember driving along Highway 14 towards Portland, OR bawling my eyes out because the ambulance a little ways ahead of me had my 12 hr old daughter in it (our first kiddo). She was being rushed to a more sophisticated neo unit because, as it would turn out, she had two heart defects and needed surgery the next week. I remember asking God what He was doing?!, why was this happening?!, what would happen?!. I mostly just remember the crying. I was a wreck. All morning. If one of my best friends, Jed, hadn’t been there, I would have fallen apart. Long story short, Elizabeth Blair is now a healthy and strong 3 yr old who is energetic and full of spirit. And she has a 3 inch scar in the middle of her chest.
Mandy, I bring all this up for one reason, and one reason alone. Do not forget what happened nor what God has done in you the last few weeks. Do not shove it down. Don’t keep it at the fore, but don’t let it get to the back either. I will often thank God for sparing Lizzie. Steph and I do not want her life to be consumed with how it started, but it is very important she also not forget. Not that she can with her physical reminder, but reminding her is as important as reminding ourselves. At least myself anyway. I can’t tell you the number of times in the last three years I have taken great comfort in the way God spared her from death. And the way God guided us through it. The confidence and hope you feel now just might wane when the next big thing comes. But it is the objective reminding of the strength given to you now that will sustain you when the doubt/fear/worry come later.
Kelli // July 23, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Unfortunately, I struggle with worry too. I have to constantly feed my self scriptures about trusting God and having faith. When I dont…its sadly obvious
tam // July 23, 2008 at 7:43 pm
you inspire me.
i love you.
TheNorEaster // July 24, 2008 at 5:26 am
annie // July 25, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Good for you! Praise God for all the ways He shows us His strength, right? See the illusion is that the strength was yours both times - the one foreseen, the other unforeseen. But really in both cases it was God’s strength that got you through. So really your weakness isn’t a part of the equation! Isn’t that a HUGE relief?!
@ngie // July 25, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Well if you are a worrier you are a brave worrier. I admire you.