i emailed a friend recently - we were talking about change. about adjusting when things happen in life. when the “way it always was” isn’t “the way things are” anymore. she used an amazing phrase that has stuck with me ever since. she said life after change is just the “new normal” - it’s the new “the way things are”…
so. this “new normal”… is this what life is called after a loss? after a huge change? after a major adjustment? like i said earlier this week, i resist change with everything in me… i always want life to be the way it is, always, neverchanging, never. but, you know, i’m learning that nothing ever stays the same. i’m learning that life necessitates change… and i’m learning that the only normal that really exists is a constantly changing “new normal.”
have you experienced a new normal in the past? if so, how did you deal with it? how did you get through the change and embrace your “new normal?”
32 responses so far ↓
LSOF // August 15, 2008 at 7:22 am
I am gonna try my best to answer this…
I’ve experienced a lot of change, but it came at a time where if it didn’t happen, the floor would have falled under me…
I don’t always embrace change, but after awhile, I warm up to it..
traciejane // August 15, 2008 at 7:43 am
This is how I would like to be able to get through it. I can’t imagine this kind of strength:
Job 1:20-22
Rick // August 15, 2008 at 8:15 am
Lots of change, and I hope I haven’t arrived at a “new normal” yet. Do you think you’ve got the control over what that “normal” looks like, or is it more about fate and just where we happen to find ourselves?
Heidi // August 15, 2008 at 8:40 am
simple basic things that change our lives and these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Your life will reveal answers at the rythmn life wishes to do so. You feel like sprinting, but life is on a lagging.
This is how God works.
Is there a normal?
Mandy it’s 5:35 in the morning with no coffee yet, with the blur of this question I would say this friend.
Don’t be fearful… Accept.. welcome change, because one of these, whatever the change was, might define you and make you a better Mandy Thompson.
lori // August 15, 2008 at 9:31 am
I have to reply here and say yes, we have a new normal in our lives. It came packaged as a little girl and it has surely shown us that we either embrace this new normal, or life is chaos. She shows us just how God changes things each and every day, and that our ability to shift gears and refocus on Him from our new position is critical to our survival as a family in Him. I’m learning quickly that life is kind of like the ocean…high tides, low tides…always a surf but never the same wave. I can’t escape it; I either retreat to the shore where it’s dry and hot, or I enter the water and move with it. Either way is diffiult, either way brings pleasure, either way involves change. Just thinking…is it “new normal” or “ever changing normal”??
jonsquared // August 15, 2008 at 9:35 am
Your friend is a sage. That is all.
mandythompson // August 15, 2008 at 9:47 am
LSOF: i like the “embrace” part… i’m workin’ on that one!
TJ: job. kills me everytime.
Rick: i think wherever we end up will be our new normal… i think we have choices, but that doesn’t mean control. like a little child is given choices, even though the parent still has control. i think it works the same for us sometimes… but don’t quote me on that.
Heidi: good mornin’ sunshine!!! thank you for your barely awake words.
Lori: i LOVE your story! i LOVE your new normal!!!
Jon2: you know it. i heart her triple times.
Roxanne Kristina // August 15, 2008 at 10:06 am
Took me a while to learn:
“Change is the only thing that stays the same.”
But I did.
I ususally still don’t like it.
I typically go to the devotions in my Bible and look at the topic at hand, read, pray.
Then I eat chocolate.
Lots and lots of chocolate.
:0)
xoxox,
R
Corrie // August 15, 2008 at 10:13 am
i’ve experienced all kinds of change in the last year or so.. my pastor here preached a sermon last fall about Joseph (I may have already mentioned this, I can’t keep track of where I write things :)). His brothers sell him into slavery (change) but he remains faithful and the Lord blesses him in Potiphar’s house. He gets unjustly thrown in prison (change) but he remains faithful and the Lord blesses him. He displays God’s power by correctly interpreting Pharaoh’s dreams and is elevated to being right under Pharaoh (change) but he remains faithful and the Lord blesses him. There’s a famine to deal with (change) and even when faced with the very brothers that initiated all the change, he forgives them and blesses them through his elevated status.
Whether the change looks like a good one or a bad one Joseph is faithful, patient, forgiving. Consistently. Because he knows the God he trusts in doesn’t change. And that same God has a good plan always working underneath the external changes.
I’m not usually like Joseph when change hits, but that’s what I always aim for
@ngie // August 15, 2008 at 10:19 am
Very wise words.
Heidi // August 15, 2008 at 10:38 am
@ Corrie……………… BULLsEYE!!!
Angie // August 15, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Man this is so good. I’m in the middle of one of those “big changes” right now…seems like nothing is stable. But i know that once the dust settles, life will be this “new normal”…and to be honest, i hate it. But like you said…life necessitates change. I’m trying to remember that. Thanks for the wise words.
mandythompson // August 15, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Roxx: that sounds like the last line in “dan in real life” love that movie!
Corrie: nice… that’s an amazing perspective - and i don’t think you’ve typed it here before. thank you for sharing!
@ng: your mom’s wise (sorry. that was a joke)
Heidi: yeah - that corrie - she’s a keeper!!!
Angie: stability - i’m beginning to think it doesn’t exist. wow.
Lei // August 15, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Yes - in the middle of lots and lots of change.
Heard the song by Sanctus Real? “Whatever you’re doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but now I believe You’re up to something bigger than me - larger than life. Something Heavenly.”
That’s it for me - change shifts my focus and reliance back to God.
I don’t always welcome change but I’m always amazed at what God does in the midst of it.
I love what our former pastor said once: “Go forward looking back” As in, you can handle the change that’s coming when you remember how God has worked through the changes in the past.
ang // August 15, 2008 at 1:00 pm
LOL..I just had a flashback of the Beth Moore conf.
She had us stand up and turn around, and face everyone’s back…not a pretty sight.
But the point was living in the past…isn’t gonna ever be pretty.
[ posted something on the blog...no vid, just stuff...remember that notebook that used to be passed around friend to friend in highschool...that's what it is...:)..]
mandythompson // August 15, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Lei: don’t you just LOVE songs that speak right to your heart?
Ang: CUTE!!
Candi // August 15, 2008 at 2:54 pm
I haven’t commented in awhile, but I read every post.
I have to comment on this one.
Big changes in my life just this summer:
June 15: my husband’s grandfather (the man who raised him) moved to heaven after 90 years of a hugely effective life for Jesus on earth
July 13: our 5-year-old nephew (same side of the family) moved to heaven after the swingset his daddy built fell on him and crushed him
Aug. 2: our dog of 9 years went into kidney failure and moved to heaven (I believe)
My 8-year-old cried herself to sleep last night after stating my heart so succinctly:
“I don’t want to grow up! I don’t want to die. I don’t want you to die. I don’t want Daddy to die.”
I’ve walked in a fog these last two weeks, missing my dog and trying to work through big anger—towards God, maybe, but mostly because of the state of our fallenness. We live in a fallen world, and sometimes, life just sucks.
Here’s where I’ve landed:
How can I worship a God who lets kids die, then gets glory from it? I choose to.
Can I really believe He loves me, and is for me? I choose to.
Can I really love others unabashedly and authentically, even though that probably means deep pain and the risk of abandonment and betrayal? I choose to.
That’s my “new-the-way-things-are.”
In John’s gospel, when Jesus says He will send the Counselor, the Comforter (the paraclete who literally attaches to our side), the original meaning for “Spirit” is “a gentle blast of wind.” The meaning for “Truth” is “certainty.”
The Holy Spirit–the Spirit that leads me into all truth–is a gentle blast of certainty.
I’m certain Jesus loves me and is for me.
I’m certain God is sovereign and works all things for my good.
I’m certain my paradigm will be shifting constantly because I’m certain things will always change.
I’m certain God is the same yesterday, today, and always.
I’m certain I won’t always feel sad because those who sow in tears will reap with joy; and though sorrow is here for the night, joy comes in the morning; and He’s giving me a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and the garment of praise instead of the spirit of despair.
I’m certain He’s giving me the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places so that I will know He is the LORD, and He calls me by name.
Oh, that needs to be my everpresent “normal.”
(Thanks for letting my comment be longer than your post!)
mandythompson // August 15, 2008 at 5:45 pm
i’m SO thrilled that you did! i just saw this on your blog… wow… thank you for sharing candi. that’s a LOT of new normal to adjust to. my heart goes out to you & your family - y’all have been through so much. thank you for sharing! and PLEASE feel free to leave long comments whenever you want!!! you’re always welcome here.
The way things were « // August 15, 2008 at 5:49 pm
[...] made me think about what Mandy wrote on her blog this morning about change. (Check it out here). We get used to “the way things are.” But inevitably, things change, and they soon [...]
edfromct // August 15, 2008 at 7:36 pm
When I was a teen a “normal” was my goal in life. Now if you called me normal I might get insulted.
I hope my life will continue to change so I will have new challenges to face for as long as I live.
Of course as long as there are women in my life the challenge of trying to understand the female mind means there will always be test I am never likely to pass.
alece // August 15, 2008 at 10:59 pm
sometimes i hate my “new normal”, but i dig in my heels and keep going. i might huff and sigh and whine for a while, but… forward motion is at least a semblance of “embracing change”, isn’t it?
Michelle // August 15, 2008 at 11:23 pm
I’m still working on this.
annemarie5353 // August 16, 2008 at 12:37 am
Timely post for me, Mandy. I actually juuust posted a blog about my “new normal” on http://cookbakelove.wordpress.com and I’m not used to, nor very happy about, my “new normal.” But I’ll give it time
TheNorEaster // August 16, 2008 at 1:51 am
“The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.” ~Joe Ancis
Normal is just another word for average.
And if there is one thing I am not and DO NOT want to be…
…it’s average.
mandythompson // August 16, 2008 at 9:23 am
Ed: women? i’m SURE you’re up for the challenge!!!
Al: we’ll take all the forward motion we can get - it means you’re still in the game. sing to yourself - “just keep swimming just keep swimming. swimming swimming swimming swimming” you’ll get there!! HEHE
annemarie: HI! just checked out your blog… glad to see you here!
Nor: why is it that those who are normal don’t wanna be, and those who are weird don’t wanna be? is it the greener grass thing???
TheNorEaster // August 16, 2008 at 9:31 am
Beats me. I love not being normal.
“It must be admitted that the normal man knows that he is so only in a world where every man is not normal. In order for the normal man to believe himself so, and to call himself so, he needs not the foretaste of disease, but its projected shadow.” ~Canguilhem
The quote comes from a book entitled, “Damned for Their Difference: The Cultural Construction of Deaf People as Disabled” by Jan Branson and Don Miller.
Good read. Very good.
tam // August 16, 2008 at 2:05 pm
just over 4 years ago i found out i had lupus. it ticked me off. it scared me. i was so upset for so long. several months later i met with my doctor and he told that he suspected, after looking through my chart, that i had-had lupus for almost 10 years. wow. really? so “this” has always been my normal. why should anything change. it is normal for me to wake up and feel like someone who would call in and use a sick day. i can deal with that. cuz those are good days for me. thats normal. the new normal came with learning to deal with knowing why i felt the way i did physically. having been given a “name” for it. that was hard. but in reality, nothing changed…just a new word was added to my vocabulary.
mandythompson // August 16, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Nor: GREAT quotes! do you pull these off the internet?
Tam: you know - that’s a fabulous reaction to such news. to realize that you’ve been living in it just fine, even though you weren’t aware of it. it was already normal for you.
Brandy // August 16, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Minot, North Dakota is my new normal.
No family around is my new normal.
No friends (so far) is my new normal.
So far, besides missing people, it’s not bad. I’m liking the new normal.
mandythompson // August 16, 2008 at 8:36 pm
and you like it??? your description of normal made me sad.
Brandy // August 17, 2008 at 3:06 pm
BESIDES missing people, I like it.
I like the area. I like our house. I like the slow paced life. I like not having to worry about which family member is peeking through my front window (seriously). I like knowing Jake is going to be home at roughly the same time everyday. I like knowing he’ll be home for dinner every night.
I like knowing he’ll be home on the weekends. I like that because we don’t have good friends here yet (okay, I have one) it forces us to do more family stuff together. There is nothing we don’t do together. That is a nice change from life before where we did almost nothing together because of his job. I like that Jake is able to put the kids to bed everynight. As much as I miss my friends and family, I like having my family together, having Jake home more.
So yes, I like it.
mandythompson // August 18, 2008 at 9:13 am
you can’t beat having your family together - no matter what the cost. i’m glad you’re finding positives in all that. love you!
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