Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel so much. You know?
Some might think my lack of tears reflect a lack of feelings. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
At some point in my growing up years I learned how not to cry. I want to unlearn this. Because, this is the adult truth I’m realizing:
Stopping the tears doesn’t stop the feelings.
Nope.
The feelings are still there. In fact, sometimes they are harder to deal with because they aren’t released – they stay locked up inside.
So, for all you crying people – I’m so jealous. I want some of what you have.
I want to cry.
More.
Much more than I do.
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I remember seeing you cry at your goodbye party when Drew was praying and you were standing up there with him. I looked up from praying to see what your emotion was and was blessed to see your tears. Maybe you might could think about what you were thinking and feeling then.
I have a theory that why you feel so much is because you don’t cry.
Let it out sister:)
I know what you mean though, sometimes its just hard to feel, you don’t want to, it takes something more inside you then you really want to face at the moment. Its inconvenient, and it just not something you want to add to your already busy, stressful day.
That is until…it SMACKS you right in the face, and you are forced to feel…
I go through spurts. I cried too many times to count for the 2 years following my mom’s death.
I cried when we moved to Indiana. I’m crying now that we aren’t sure where to go.
But inbetween I don’t cry, well, yes I do..
Never mind…I cry a lot.
i have the PERFECT solution….
the past two times that I’ve cried this year has been on account of you, miss mandy mac. now, doesn’t that make you feel extra special?!?!
I go both ways…thankful that I am a cry-er and wishing I wasn’t. I know a lot of the time I am not taken seriously because I am a bawl baby…but whatever. Most of the time I am thinking that God is not the God of disorder but of peace and the flood of emotions that wash over me isn’t balenced…so I have to keep it in check. I know we have talked about me not being social club and not knowing how to act…sure, I can do it over the computer…but in person? Nope. Total spaz. Dang. I am praying for you MandyLaLa and that you will continue to grow into everything God is desiring you to be…not just what you want.
Oh, I’m a cryer and a feeler. I’ve often wished I wasn’t such a cryer, such a baby, such a wimp. But even though feeling too much and too deep ensures that I’ll hurt more, I don’t think I’d change that. I wish it didn’t hurt. But I think it’s good to really feel things.
Btw, I clicked over from Tam’s blog.
You need to watch Steel Magnolias by yourself and The Notebook. Oh, and Beaches. That should do ya.
But seriously, what you said makes total sense. Sometimes it’s harder to deal with the emotions because you can’t cry. A cry feels good but when you can’t do that, it’s frustrating.
Pray to cry. If you can pray to meet bloggers and God provided that, you can pray for tears and trust them to come.
BIG hug.
i agree with brandy – watch some sad movies with no one watching. i’m a wreck when i do that.
i am a crier. for sure. it doesn’t take much.
but that’s just me!
I’m not much of a crier either. Usually I cry when I am exhausted or extremely angry. I am by nature an internalizer. I am working on not keeping it all in and then explode. I don’t like to cry in front of people but I am getting better at it by myself. I think at some point in my life, I associated crying with weakness. Maybe it was all those times I was told “if you don’t stop crying I will give you something to cry about.” Then I think it moved into somewhat of a rebellion, I remember trying not to cry when I got spanked. That didn’t work, they just kept at it until I cried but it was an angry cry. Anyway, that’s my story and I am sticking to it!
i’m worst in services…when i see people who have really caught a glimpse of Who God is and have been given that same second chance that i’ve been given…i’ll lose it every time!!!
and yet, you managed to make me cry with this.
Gezzz you guys… I’m gunna need to find new blog friends. Ya all are making me cry on the crying discussion. I am either laughing or crying over here. Good think Costco sells TP and Kleenex in bulk cuz’ I’m either peeing my pants from laughin’ or wipin’ my eyes from cryin’. Wondering if you might consider a boring post on the wonder of paint drying, or grass growing just for a little break? Perhaps a ditty on the origin of a paperclip, or how they get led in pencils? Just kiddin! I LOVE THE REALNESS over here and if that means I need Depends then so be it.
Love you people,
Roxx
I’m a weird crier. There are times when I can’t cry at all for months, even years, at a time, typically when things are especially hard. Then other times I cry for all of the wrong reasons. I cry at the little things…a song that had never made me cry before, something someone says, or for no apparent reason. Just last night I went crazy on my mom for no reason, and I just couldn’t hold back the tears. It’s hard for me to predict when I’ll end up crying.
Mandy,
Oh my! This is absolutely something I’ve been working on. You see if you don’t cry, your body pays the price. Eventually, you may even lose the ability to feel. You may not be there now, but trust me it can happen.
Why do I know all this? Well I’ve been there, and found my way back. I even hired a spiritual life coach to help me (and for a host of other things).
Yesterday was a crappy day! I cried and cried and cried, which was totally new for me. My pup, Payton who is by baby girl is critically ill. Like you, I actually made the statement that I didn’t want to feel anymore (all the things I’ve been working on and rediscovered). Even so, I knew deep down that God does want us to feel and feel deeply.
So dig down deep. Listen to the Holy Spirit, and stop listening to that part of you that learned not to cry. Tears are therapeutic, designed by God to help clear the negative energy in our bodies.
That advice from someone (many years your senior) who’s been there and fought her way back. I so hope and pray this helps you in some small way!!
Much love,
`cheryl
I am a huge crier. And I’m always amazed at the relief it brings to just have a big cry every now and then. Even if I don’t even know why I’m crying. [i only get away with that because i'm a woman]
I know that’s no advice to help you, as I have no idea what it’s like to not be able to cry easily. Sometimes I wish I did.
Brandy’s idea of watching those two movies alone- just might do the trick girl. They do for me everytime. I might snot dripping, if someone was to walk in and see you they’d think you were unstable, kind of cry fests.
You totally just spoke to the needs of one of my best friends who is going through some serious crisis right now. I’m sending her the link. Thanks for sharing.
OH Mandy….I refused to let the OK girls see me cry. But as soon as I was left at the airport the tears came strong. As we driving away from Deleise’s house I almost couldn’t control the tears either. I can go a long time and not cry and then drive done the road one day and not be able to stop crying.
After our twitter conversation the other day this probably won’t shock you but music can make me cry. Song that I have heard at different times in my life that bring feelings back or just what the song is saying.
But you know what helps the most with crying…..think of this
90% of your tear content is fat.
Cry yourself skinny(er) girl.
geez, Mandy. That sounds eerily like me. I’ve always said that I don’t cry much because I know that if I start, it’s likely I won’t be able to stop it.
I have your problem… trouble with tears… most times they don’t come even when I feel. For a long time I tried to turn off feelings. I learning to feel again.
try cutting an onion.
in all seriousness, you hit the nail on the head with your bolded sentence up there. and i’d say the converse is also true:
that crying doesn’t eradicate or heal the feelings.
so don’t believe that myth about the cryers of the world.
in the meantime, i’ll be asking God to loosen the tearducts of your eyes and heart…