write now ingrid is serenading me. i’m glad i’m taking this “me time” and yet feeling guilty about it at the same time.

cant sleep. tummy hurts. just prayed with brent. feeling a strong and deep joy, even in the midst of pain and uncertainty. God keeps whispering to me…I AM your significance and sufficiency.

Taking a couple of hours to surf and email. One of my beautiful seal point Siamese is curled up on my lap, just happy that I’m home.

Tired after a sleepless night last night and a very long day of work.

Listening to William Orbit – Pieces in a Modern Style. For calm and wholeness to seep back into my soul.

This rather unpopular girl brought some Micronauts to school (those were like Transformers, I think), which was a pretty unlikely thing for her to do — Micronauts were cool boy action figures, not nerdy girl playthings. She showed them to me right before recess and I was being uncharacteristically friendly to her, saying things like, “Cool, Angela!”

Then, as if on cue, some “cool” friends walked up as she was asking, “Would you like to play with them with me at recess?” I remember glancing around me at the approaching friends (who thought she was super uncool), doing the instant demeanor change, and replying with a sneer/grin, “No way!”

What a rotten kid. That must not have felt good to her.

I am just finishing my breakfast and my first cup of coffee. I am running through my head what I have to do tonight at work because of the construction and the remodelling. I am pushing away negative thoughts about working on my day off, trying to stay postive.

It’s a lifelong battle.

Earlier today, the nails were again driven through my hands and my feet by a group of people whom I know to be convinced that they are doing “the right thing,” but they don’t know the poison of their words.

My blood pressure went through the roof. My hands started shaking. And the landscape of my soul was ravaged yet again.

I wanted to stop my car, get out, and scream at them.

But, I didn’t.

Because I know The Storm Is Coming…

It’s snowing outside my window… wind is swirling it like a little mini blizzard. I’m finding cool and feeling totally disgusted that it’s winter all at the same time.

I’m listening to my three old who is supposed to be asleep “shout whisper” to the dog to get out of his room and the baby monitor humming quietly in the kitchen.

I am missing my friends tonight – some who are far away and living far away lives, some who are living across town that I don’t see nearly as much as I’d like – some who are not on this earth anymore and it hurts to think about how much I miss them…

My smoochie is off of work for the next two days and I hope that I will allow myself to savor those few hours with my love and not let myself get snippy about the laundry piling up or the dog hair on the floor.

We’re going to the fair Friday night! Fried Dough and Ferris Wheels – nothing better on an October night!

I just came back from my friends house after spending the night. I left and our house was clean, now it’s a complete mess. What happened?

I am so tired.

I start for real at Trader Joe’s tomorrow. I’m nervous.