Wise words, Natalie… Thank you for sharing this with us. dang.

Only because then the person who is in love with more than one person (assuming the first love is a spouse) won’t distance themselves from the second relationship because they see it as “safe” since you “can’t be in love with two people at the same time.”

I think that this self deception is much more rampant than people realize and it can only lead to sadness if it progresses unchecked.

This isn’t speculation, by the way. I was a first love who became overshadowed by a “harmless” second love.

lurker, i couldn’t agree more with what mandy said. it’s unfortunate that we christians are known more for what we’re against than what we’re for. what we’re for is way more important, grace, forgiveness, redemption, love, hope…

aNON, thanks for sharing your story. life certainly is complicated!

Please don’t misunderstand our words around here regarding “forgiving” and such… This discussion was about being romantically in love with more than one person. Yes, marriage and adultery entered into the picture… But that’s part of the story, isn’t it?

As for forgiveness, I know, love, and have served with a number of Christians who have found themselves wrapped up in adultery. I, personally, have done things that would shock this little blog community… Forgiveness is there. For them. For me. And for all of us.

I can’t speak for all Christians around the world, but I can speak for myself. If I didn’t have a forgiving husband and a forgiving God, I probably wouldn’t have life itself right now. Some of us are very forgiving – miraculously forgiving – and I thank God for them.

aNON: In the past few days, I’ve also thought that if it’s possible to fall in love again (say, after a spouse dies) then it might be possible to love more than one at a time. I think I’m vacillating here and CANNOT make up my mind! But this has been a marvelously insightful thought process… to say the least.

Selena: First hand experience. I think that’s what brings the most insight to this discussion. Thank you…

I mean, I could have chosen a different path. I could have continued to pursue the woman who was not my wife, and who knows… it’s entirely possible that her and I could have lived happily ever after. I chose to honor my marriage because ultimately even though I strayed emotionally and am very, very human… I still chose to honor my original agreement to my wife because ultimately I made that choice first and I don’t get to just sneak out on it because I’m feeling something towards someone else.

Now I’m rambling.

You are right, commitment is crazy-important. But I wouldn’t classify what happened to me as a long-standing infatuation. It was love, I am absolutely sure of it. We were both just reasonable and smart enough to recognize that we couldn’t pursue it any farther. It hurt like hell, but we both came out better people for it in the end.

I think it is possible to love two people at once. There are different types of love. You love your spouse and your parents and your children and your bff and …. well, you get the idea.
But I think your question was meant in reference to “romantic love” specifically.
Again, I will say yes. You can love two people at once. However, and this is big however, at some point you must “choose”. That is one way “love is a choice” comes into play. Once you choose to love one, you let the other go. You proceed with the furthering the relationship you have with one.

When you already have one that you love, and you have married them, a new “potential other” may come along. At that point, it is choice again. You can can choose to keep seeing this new person and pursue a relationship OR you can choose to continue to love your spouse.
If you”fall out of love” with your spouse, then you must remember that love is a choice… you must make an effort to love again.

Love is a feeling, an emotion.
At the same choice.
Love is also a verb, an action.
It is one word, but with different meanings.