It’s a Cover-Up
I don’t want to call. I don’t want to talk. …to New Englanders. In the checkout line, if I’m ordering a pizza, greeting people at church, answering the phone at work. I don’t want them to hear my voice.
I don’t want them to hear my accent.
I didn’t realize this until recently. When a friend asked me to make a reservation at a fancy place, and I hesitated to pick up the phone. When I led a Christmas Caroling Choir in Salem this past weekend, and apologized – “I’m from the south, y’all.”
Over Thanksgiving, I went home by myself. About two days into the trip, Drew said “That accent is back! I love it.” He totally surprised me, and I asked, “Do you really like it?” Apparently he’s missed that part of the woman he fell in love with. hmmm…. He thinks that soft southern accent is beautiful. Beautiful? I’ve never considered it beautiful!
Of course, since returning to Boston, I’ve lost most of the accent again. Quickly. And not intentionally. It just fades…
And I’m back in the mode of hiding the remaining hint of twinges and slurs and drawls when I can…
For whatever reason, I try to cover it up. Hide it. Conceal it.
Maybe I want to blend in. Maybe I don’t want them to know that I’m not from here. That I don’t quite understand this New England culture. That I didn’t really know snow was shaped like snow until I moved up here. Maybe I see my newness as weakness, and I don’t want them to catch on.
For whatever reason, I try to cover it up.
I wonder what else I cover up about myself. I wonder if we all have something about ourselves that we try to conceal…
What do you think? Do you?
I had to cover up my TN accent when I lived in San Diego because I needed to EAT! Be proud that you can put your accent in your pocket when you need to. Some of us have a little more trouble.
I try to conceal the fact that I fight sleep like a two year old.
I know well the feeling; phone calls are not my favorite thing to do either.
Good thoughts about our tendency to cover things up.
Merry Christmas!!!
Since I am from the west coast, I hear accents, I don’t have one. But concealing…
I conceal that I am a stutterer. I won’t make phone calls or even not try to meet people in person especially if I adore them No way.. No how. A stranger I don’t care. But someone I have given my heart too. No.. Email/twitter/facebook works just dandy.
To me my stuttering makes me feel stupid and not educated. Since I don’t hold a degree BY CHOICE, not by brilliance. It hones it in quite nicely.
Stuttering… I hate it… I conceal it…
I’m 42 I need to get over it..
It’ s just the way God made me, and the Psalm 119 says “I’m wonderfully made”
I need to get over it.
You got me going.. Kthnx
I cover up my accent at times also – and take pride in the times that people have told me I don’t sound like I’m from Georgia. I think part of it has to do with the stigma of being a redneck… which I am one, but I don’t want to be thought of as dumb or backwards… And I honestly think this is much more in my mind than in reality, but there it is nonetheless.
my new york accent tends to disappear the moment i step foot of long island. i wish that it didn’t, but at the same time part of me thinks i conceal it so i don’t stand out in anyway. i don’t like to draw attention to myself, even if it’s just by speaking differently.
I really struggle with this Mandy – mine is not accent. I am getting more self conscious about my tremors in my right hand – right side. I find myself trying to keep that hand from view of others. It is a real pain – at times literally. I refuse to let it keep me from doing things. I stand in front of a SS class each Sunday – I Am speaking at a Christmas Eve Service – I gave it to God – if He wants me to shake – I can do that!
I think this is all about our flaws. About what we think makes us look weak, stupid, in error, etc…
You know, though. I still love each of you despite (and maybe because of) those weaknesses. It’s what makes us human. What makes us… us.
Thank you for sharing. stuttering, hating sleep, accents, tremors. Thank you for being strong enough to share.
My biggest cover up right now is pretending that i am not falling apart. only my family and closest friends know that my fiance left and there will be no wedding. everyone keeps asking ‘how’re the plans going?’ and i put on a happy smile and say fine and change the subject. what a crock! why did i do it? i just didnt think it was any of their business and im leaving this place soon… 3 days. overshare i know but sharing anonymously is like therapy.
I’ve never been very good at covering up. I think it’s my expressions. Even if the words come out the way they should, the look on my face gives me away…
…but you know, here I am in the blogworld…still not covering up. And y’all can’t really see my face, not really.
Hmmm?
Maybe it’s that I really do want to be known…
…or to be accepted.
Flaws and all.
@Rain – praying for you – sometimes people don’t know what to say when we share our tragedies of life. You are going through tough times, but God is there with you – don’t shun Him – talk to Him.
@Michelle – I don’t have any flaws, I just shake a lot! LOL – Sorry Mandy – this post topic has a grip on papa’s heart.
I take pride in the fact that most people can’t tell I’m from the south…I think that’s because there’s a stigma towards southern accents from some of the northerners I’ve known–as though they automatically assumed someone was ignorant or stupid if their heard a southern accent, so I got made fun of a lot. sometimes I wish it wasn’t the case, I wish I could like my southern accent.
First, I do the same thing. Tho…I don’t think I try to “cover it up”. (Even my nickname in high school was Hick.) Anytime I’m around other people who have strong accents–for any period of time–I begin to emulate them in conversation. Even by the third day of visiting Natalie in Michigan, I was talking all nasally and northern-like. I have and always will be impressionable in speech.
Second, what do I try to cover up? A LOT. I’m not very tame or quiet a lot of times. I have a dry sense of humor that’s a little strange, a little left of center. Of course I let it all hang out around people I’m really comfy with, but when I’m around new people or people I don’t know very well, I am very reserved and quiet. Almost a polar opposite of myself.
Is this covering up the best part of me? I’m still trying to figure that out.
hmm I think I typed in the wrong username up there ^
Rain: I, too, went through a difficult experience last summer. And I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t write about it here, and I asked those that did know NOT to tell anyone… yeah. Sometimes it’s easier to get through the pain if people don’t bring it up all the time. I don’t blame you. I hurt for you, but don’t blame you. I’m so sorry.
Red: I think we all want acceptance, but we’re somehow afraid that if we show our true colors, they won’t like us… But we’ll never feel truly accepted unless they know us completely. Don’t you hate the vicious cycle!?
JR: I’m gonna take a guess here, but those that know you and love you the most would probably say you ARE covering up the best. Just a thought.
Hannah: I knew it was you!
I love the way you tah-awk. I sound Texan myself and many make fun of me. Then, I show them my mad skills and they step.
I love, love, love southern accents.
Every once in a while, I seem to have a ridiculously thick northern accent. People point it out, and it feels like they haven’t heard what I was saying, and then I’m self conscious about the specific word that was too “northern” for the people around me.
I don’t sing in the shower ‘cus I don’t like people drawing attention to things like that, then I just feel awkward.
But, other than that, I haven’t thought hard enough to think about things I conceal.
I love your accent.
What do I “cover up”? God’s been showing me that I live my life to make other people happy—happy with me. As a result, I hide my “real” self when I think someone else won’t like it, or it will make them uncomfortable.
So when my husband makes a broad statement that I know is incorrect, I might offer the truth, but I don’t push it. I crumble. When my daughter offers her alternative to what I’ve asked her to do, I’ll argue with her, and most times, I cave in to her demands. (Not a good thing for her future.)
All because I want them to like me.
SO. . .there’s a new Candi in town, and she’s being brave to discover how BIG God has made her—and then be BIG (in a loving way, of course. . .)
(So far, my husband and daughter still like me, I think. . .)
i cover up my heart more than i like to think i do. i make myself believe i’m authentic and transparent, when really… i’m not.
Al: wow girl. wow
Candi: I think I, too, would be a fan of the new Candi!
Becca: You LIKE southern accents??? I didn’t know that was possible for people.
Cindy: woman. You ain’t right.
I do hate it, Mandy. Expecially when you take the chance to reveal a part of yourself you think you can share…then it’s rejected.
That sucks.
My oh MY!!
All I really got to say about the accents is going to sound stupid but oh well I am good at that. I met some wonderful women last summer. There are two I talk to with their drawl’s. I find comfort in those accents. When I read their blogs I can hear them reading it, their voices their accents. I love it. Now Scott Rodgers has a video camera and is going crazy with it and he has that same drawl…I love it! He could vlog about paint drying and as long as he talked the whole time I’m good. I am truly serious though. Hearing that “It is going to be more about the relationship then school” or “I’m just saying” Makes my heart smile. I would be bummed if they lost their accents…I would send them home and make them get it back.
I try to hide that I am insecure. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
Red: And that right there is the reason so many of us have learned to conceal… When I find those friends who will love me despite myself, I hang on to those with all I’ve got.
Theresa: Interesting again! There are actually people who LOVE southern accents and don’t think we all sound stupid? hmm… Very interesting indeed! btw: so glad you got the chance to hear those accents live.
I love girls with southern accents! Then again, I’m bent that way, because my female-dominated family is from southern Georgia.
I hide – or try to – a lot of things. How smart I am. How dumb I am. How sad I am. How happy I am. Really, I spend a lot of energy trying to be – or appear to be – someone other than ME. I’m working on that, though, because one thing I appreciate most in other people is transparency and sincerity. So I figure people could use a good dose of it from me. Even if they get to see how dumb/smart or happy/sad I am.
PQ: WAITAMINUTE!!! Where in southern Georgia??
um. i just talked to you yesterday, and, you are not losing it. well, not your accent at least.
i worked for almost a year to get rid of mine. and once in awhile it still comes out. mostly when we talk to each other. i have to put an end to that.
im sorry.
I never thought that I had an accent but apparently I do according to the Californians who ask me where I’m from. I remember when I first moved here and a lady at the grocery store asked me, “you’re not from around here are you?” I was like, “What?? how did you know?”
I think there are certain words that give away my “Canadian-ness” more than others like “about” (a-boat), “bag” (beg), and “mom” (mum) or saying washroom instead of restroom or cutlery instead of silverware.
I kinda like it though, eh?
Undeniably!
However ‘honest’ we try to be, all of us cover something up – sometimes even from ourselves.
It’s a learned behaviour from the time we first become able to communicate with someone – like our Mom for one example.
<B
Tam: SNIFF SNIFF!!!
Sarah: Darlin’ this makes you real strange in my world. But I’m glad you aren’t covering it up!
Love: Blame it on the ladies. As usual…
I’ve been covering something up for awhile now. I finally admitted it to myself, and then told two close friends just last week. But I still continue to cover it up…from everyone as well as myself.
I still sometimes wonder what’s deep inside me that I conceal and if I will ever realize it. These are thoughts for a long, long drive.
Marisa: How do you conceal it from yourself? You don’t have to really answer that question. It was just my for-real response. I know I can fool others… But can I fool myself? dunno.
Hm. Good question. I knew what I meant at the time.
I guess I mean that the more I can pretend that it is not my reality, the better I can cover it up. I can conceal it from others more efficiently if I focus on other parts of my reality. Eventually I can hide it from myself.
Probably detrimental in the long run, but right now it seems like what I need to do.
I don’t know if this made any sense…
We naturally adapt to the accent around us. Just listen to Madonna’s British accent, for instance. I actually enjoy listening to the southern drawl. In fact, there’s a lady at work whose southern drawl I constantly compliment. Granted she’s from Wisconsin, it doesn’t stop her from breaking into it. I, on the other hand, had to hide my gangsta rapper accent as soon as I went into corporate America. It just wasn’t ideal.
(Aren’t you supposed to be boycotting my blog today?)
whoops! my bad. oh, dang, i just did it again!