Before we get to the nitty gritty of this re-post, I have to say that I seriously considered not posting it again since the first time sparked such discussion… But, to be fair and honest in my assessment of the year o’ bloggin’, this one will rest in history as one of my most memorable posts:
they didn’t realize we were OLDER and MARRIED!!!!
Original post: 2.21.08
for my second visit to starbucks on tuesday night (you know, after all the crying and all)… well, i went with a girlfriend/songwriter/worshipleader to just catch up. and we’re having the BEST conversation about relationships and girlfriends and gynecologists and seminary and the like…
…when, from out-of-stinking-nowhere, we are approached by two young men who were wondering if they could just sit and talk to us. i’m thinking: either they are proselytizing or picking us up. looking for an easy out, i ask my friend when we need to leave (thinkin’ she’d say NOW!) but, she checks her watch and says “oh, ’bout fifteen minutes.” huh? HUH!? so i look at the guys and say “sure, yeah.”
and i immediately grab a mental pad and pencil, knowing this is gonna make one HECK of a blog post!!!
anyway, they don’t notice the wedding ring she’s flashing all over the place. so, i just stick my left hand in my pocket and play along (for the sake of the blog post, of course)… we go through the customary “where are you from? what do you do? etc”…. all the while, caroline and i have NOT mentioned that we’re married. by then it would’ve just been…well….sad. and these guys were just too sweet.
we eventually move on to the “how old are you?” portion of the conversation, and i’m certain this will be our ticket out – because these boys are only 20 little years old. one of them nearly fainted when i said i was 29. then they both politely and graciously point out that neither one of us look older than 22. (hey, its better than being mistaken for 15! – which, coincidentally, i’m wearing the SAME University of Georgia hoodie in both of these stories… does this hoodie make me look like a teenager?? sigh!)
anyway, i was sure they wouldn’t go in for the kill after they found out i was nearly a DECADE older than them….
but i was SO wrong.
SOOOO wrong!
here’s how it all ended: we say we gotta to get going… then one of the guys asks the dreaded question: “well, listen, maybe we could get your numbers or something and maybe call you and have dinner sometime.”
GASP!
i sit there with mouth gaping open. uh. ah… and look at caroline, thinking since she’s the one that said we had 15 minutes, i’ll let HER clean up this mess! but, her mouth is open as well… to my relief, she composes herself and gently says “guys, we’re actually both married.”
yep, now their mouths are wide open. we show them our rings, tell them we really enjoyed talking, encourage them in their young pursuits, and walk out of starbucks.
we’re not 6 steps into the parking lot when caroline looks at me and says: “well, it’s nice to know WE’VE STILL GOT IT!” — and we GIGGLE AND SQUEAL ALL THE WAY HOME!!!!!!
so, question of the decade, for you ladies AND gentlemen: what in the WORLD would you have done in this situation?????
I would have smiled politely and said [to the girl with whom I was talking], “Well, he certainly is a lucky guy. It was very nice to meet you. [Turning to the friend and saying] And you as well.”
i’ve never been hit on like that. (which i won’t speculate the meaning of…)
so i have no idea what i would’ve done.
i read this post the first time shortly after we stumbled on each other…
I’m like Alece, never been in that situation.
Can I borrow your hoodie for awhile?
i would have kicked my friend under the table when she said we had 15 more minutes…
I just can’t imagine! I’ve never been in this situation…
To be honest, since I’ve never been in this situation, I’d probably be very tempted to play along like you guys did.
Maybe I should wear a hoodie?
No! Bad Photoqueen!
Oh, just to clarify and to avoid controversy, I don’t think you and your friend are “bad,” like I called myself.
PQ: LOL. Thanks for clarifying!
Anna: Yeah. I shouldn’t have even asked. Should’ve said we were just about to leave. That was the one wrong turn right there!
but i do need to add that should something like that ever happen to me in my lifetime, i would absolutely walk out squealing and giggling.
i don’t fault you one bit for how you responded.
shake what your mama gave ya. i’m just sayin’.
I’m too approachable, I’m finding out.
I look people in the eye, not thinking anything of it, and have been blind-sighted. Once, without realizing what had happened, a very nice man followed me home from the herbalist to “borrow a book.” I honestly had no idea his mind was not on the book. (I’m quite naive.) Thankfully, Phat was home and answered the door. He quickly took the book from Phat’s hand and ran back to his car.
Yes, my husband let me know not everyone is safe. I’m learning not to be so approachable.
Note to all: Don’t let your kids be too sheltered.
Male perspective time:
Being married is not the obstacle to hitting on a woman it used to be. In fact, I know guys out there who ONLY hit on married women, and have a fairly high “success” rate. (Likewise, I know some women who only hit on married men, though their reasoning tends to be different.)
Of course, sporting a wedding band is different from mentioning a husband. My wife tells me that when chatting with a man she will mention “my husband” casually early in the conversation to set the tone right off. I tend to do the same thing – get it right out there. My lonley-wife-hunting aquaintances tell me that that is code-speak for “unavailible” or something like that. I don’t know – that scene was a long time ago.
I can tell you that back in the days when I was out-and-about, having a wife and kids was absolutely no deterrent to “getting lucky” if I wanted to go that way. When I was tending bar, I had more than one patron tell me that was “even better.” Strange world…
I’d be cautious, only because a man you spring that on late in the conversation might get angry. And anger leads to vengance. It’s a shame to have to mention it, but it’s true, especially in a major city.
Wow, that was long….
Mike: I totally agree. It goes without saying that this was a “lesson learned” moment for me… And, at the end of the day, my husband knew the whole story – knew I wasn’t “inviting” attention – and we laughed about it.
haha! and it still makes me laugh. dunno why. not that you were hit on – cuz, well, i get THAT. its just all so funny to me.
is that insensitive?
: ) i have no idea.
I was talking to my 15 yr old over this post:
~he says if your hot your hot.
~ No matter if there’s a ring (okay I really think I need to get my son some help), some girls fake it with the ring.
~ He says the guys that hit on you had guts and us girls are always looking for “men” with nice guts.
~ As long as we are honest in the end, that matters only
I don’t know how the measure this as a mom. But as woman, he may have a point!
that is just hilarious. If I had been quick thinking I would have loved to play along with it just as you girls did. However, I probably would have just let them know upfront that I was already taken. But what you girls did would have been much more fun. I’m gonna have to remember that for next time I’m approached. Too funny!…and I’m so glad to know that you’ve still got it.
H: yeah. That thing about women using fake rings? It’s true. I had a friend who waittressed – ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS – and she had to get a fake diamond ring so the men would leave her alone. Not lyin…
That’s even better the second time around.
I totally enjoyed this. And, being 11.5 years into a marriage… when something happens that tells me I’ve still got a little ‘somethin’… it makes me smile… and I don’t feel an ounce of shame about it… and I always tell Dave… cuz that means he’s got a little somethin’ too.
Had a similar situation with my friend, where we thought these guys were staring at us. Our kids were sitting at the table behind us. At the end of their dinner, the guys headed over. We were working up our “We’re married and those are our kids” talk, when he stopped right behind me … looked at my son and said “You have the best laugh buddy. Don’t ever lose that.” Guess we didn’t have it after all. My days of that are long over! So, I have no wisdom to offer.
Got a great laugh though!
is it wrong of me to say i would have at LEAST held out for a free dinner???
Yeah! – i’m cheap, and hungry – what can i say?
<B
Well, I don’t get hit on like that. But, if I did, I would have been polite, too, because just because some guy was being nice to me doesn’t mean he’s hittin’ on me.
See, I’m so naive. I don’t even know what I’d do if I got hit on.