05: Daisy
Some songs take me hours, days, weeks, months, years to write.
Others take minutes. They seem to write themselves.
This one? Less than 20. As soon as I put my head on the pillow Sunday night, I heard “Daisy Grow.” I could feel it. And I knew it was one of “those” songs – the easy ones – the effortless ones.
I also knew exactly what it was about. In the 20 minutes that followed, I felt like I was being introduced to the song. As if it came to visit me.
If I had a daughter, this is what I’d say to her:
So I need some help on the bridge. The husband has given some feedback that makes me wanna rethink it. Is it a trouble spot? Is it ok? Bridge, y’all… What do you think?
Sunshine is fallin’ on your face -
a smile that will chase
away tears that fall in disgrace.
Sometimes the warmth and the embrace
are all that it takes
for a soul to find it’s placeDaisy GROW
Daisy DREAM
Daisy LIVE
Daisy BE
DaisyThere’s a fine line between hearts that are shattered
by wrongs that don’t matter
and mends that won’t bend & shake & scatterIt’s ok to want a brighter day.
It’s ok to want to hide until it goes away.
But in the end, it’s what we do with our beginning
that will make us who we’re made to be…
kass listened to this with me.
it was a pretty cool moment.
when it was over, she looked up, smiled and simply said…
wow.
…..? what wow’d her?
im not sure, exactly.
but she was listening intently.
you know kass….girl of few words. to get a “wow” out of her is something else.
Love the lyric in the bridge, not sure about all the melodic ideas. Hopefully hubby’s feedback is along those lines. If not, ignore me…
I really love the ‘dah duh dah dum’ bits. That sounds really trite – it’s not meant to, I just think those moments sum up the sweetness and innocence really well.
i might be with david on this…when you get to the bridge…take your vocals up a 3rd or 5th…add some intensity to it…very powerful!!! then completely let it die…before finishing out the song…
that’s my cent and 1/2…
Hey y’all! Thanks for the thoughts. Really. Sometimes I just go through the song and think “it really needs something, but I don’t know what.” Drew confirmed the bridge’s needs – and y’all are giving great feedback. Thanks!
David: I NEVER EVER EVER write da da da da dum dum dums into songs… Those feel a lot like the “oh baby baby baby” stuff that is just filler. But, yeah, for this song, I liked the lightness of it. Glad to hear you thought so too.
Tam: well, then tell her I said thanks! Then ask her what the “wow” was about.
Is the bridge too long? too wordy?
Whoa and WOW…
What? What is it? ok. I’m getting some strange “wow” feedback…
I’m lookin’ to grow through this, and it helps to know what I do right as much as what I do wrong.
Elaborate: melody? lyrics? reason behind the song? you like daisies? what?
I am really inspired by your pursuit of excellence for EACH song, even when there will be 100+. Your dedication is a great lesson in how to do things for the Lord, not for men. THANKS!
Okay, I’ll lay it out FOR me. My whoa and wow.
Replace Daisy with Heidi or your name, and see where the songs grows.
(Heidi ) It’s ok to want a brighter day.
It’s ok to want to hide until it goes away.
But in the end, it’s what we do with our beginning
that will make us who we’re made to be…
Whoa and WOW!!!
Keep writing girl!!! Love ya!
I like the lyrics to the bridge, but it’s anti-climatic… I would take your voice up some…to give it some dynamics.
Great words though!
I’m a lyric girl…and I love the lyrics!
the lyrics rock! the only bit that seemed odd was
But in the end, it’s what we do with our beginning
that will make us who we’re made to be…
i think the melody can’t handle all of the words… you sound rushed to get it all in and then realize your melody is finished before your words are.
great song…
I’d have to agree with Anna a bit here.
I love the sing-songy way you’re picking, but your lyrics are too loaded and too numerous for this genre of picking style I feel like, except for the chorus–in which case you’ve got less words.
I was playing around with it a little, and I wonder if the melody you’re singing sounds best when you pluck, you could switch the order of the bass note on the first two? So play them in reverse order. When you sing with your bass note as that first A (instead of the D which I think might sound better) it sounds unsettling a little, like you’re waiting to sing up or down on your melody, but you don’t. I hope that makes just a tinnny bit of sense.
I love the lyrics. I think they’re wonderful, I’m just not sure that the style of picking co-insides. Though, Jack Johnson sure gets away with it, so who am I? Not an expert, that’s for sure.
Maybe on your bridge you can add some E minors in there, because those tend to be a chord you can pound and it sounds great. haha.
or, at least change your picking style, or just strum, somethin.
Keep up your great, great work.
Thanks for letting us dissect this. I can’t imagine how much it’s a mixture of disappointment, excitement, growth and fear.
That stupid bridge… Ok. Will give it a facelift! Or strip it down. hmmm…..
“stupid” was not in reference to ANY of your brilliant thoughts, by the way. It was in reference to the melody of the bridge.
no, mandy… not stupid…
just a work in progress – like the rest of us.
Look at you bein’ all nice!
I’m laughing on the inside because I’m so flippin’ thankful for all your insights. Seriously.
I look forward to re-writing the bridge and gettin’ a “well done” from y’all… You raise the bar each time and I can’t help but jump higher.
This is an amazing and stretching challenge.
This song stinks…
Just kidding. Just wanted to help you feel like not everyone was bowing at your songwriting greatness…
It’s a great song. I love it. I love bluesy folk any day and I’d choose to listen to this over some of the pop drivel on the radio.
Problem area for me is the melodic line of the bridge. I’ll explain it this way (to echo what others are saying). It felt very monotone…
Like, it didn’t go anywhere. If there was a way to sing it up and then sing it down as you make the move back to the chorus that would be sweet.
And by that I don’t necessarily mean pitch wise…but more so in intensity and melodic direction. So that the whole phrase takes us somewhere.
I might even think about throwing in a DIFFERENT strum pattern or maybe even just strummed downbeats and gradually add in some rhythm as you make it to the chorus.
And, I’m only hearing this out of the left side of my head phones. Did you record in stereo?
I agree with the comments about the bass line. I might play the home note first and then the 5th on the first chord and the third chord as well. Not sure though, you might get too much of an oompah sound that way…
I love this song
Okay…I love the name Daisy for it, because it coorelates between a child and a flower in a field..
and I love visualizing that:)
So KEEP Daisy there:)
I think I was confused on which was the bridge…but since there wasn’t any major difference from the rest, perhaps the bridge should be more distinct, louder and with more to it musically…I don’t know, its like reading a story, the part at the climax, and then the falling action reaches to the end of the song from there.
What do you think?
I love daisies. This song feels like a warm late summer afternoon spent in a field dreaming and talking with a daughter or girl-friend. Lovely. I agree with others on the bridge, lyrically I think it’s the most powerful part, maybe melodically it just needs more “oomph”? And keep the “da da dum”s! Perfect.
Can’t wait to re-write this bridge!
Prolly gonna chop the lyrics down, bring in a diff back beat, and climb in the lyrics… We’ll see where this goes!
LSOF: You’re the first to mention the double meaning in Daisy. It’s totally intentional.
i love the “dah dah dah”s. (i can’t seem to dislodge the musical term i know exists for that from the recesses of my brain…) i sense the “big step”ness of that for you and i think it works perfectly here.
Mandy: I think its a writer thing lol.
Just so you are not confused. Don’t take out daisy, I was just visualizing my name in it and then it incredibly spoke in my life..
DANG! I’ve already re-worked it with “Heidi”…
hehehe just kidding!
I think I’ve got a new melody…. oooh… let’s cross our fingers!
Al: Yes. I sat there and thought: I hear dada’s, but that’s SO not my style. Decided to keep ‘em because they fit the whimsy of the song.
LOVE the chorus.
agreeing with the others about pulling back on the wordiness of the verses. (and maybe reworking the melody on the verse too only a little).
i like the name daisy. i really do. if we have another girl someday…
nice… now write one for a boy & choose a name for our son [we need some help] and dedicate it to him (hey, you’ve got til June)
good comments so far, so I’ll just say keep up the good work and can’t wait to hear the final product
I listened to this right when I woke up (ok, when I finally managed to get myself out of bed) this morning, and it struck me in a way I can’t really describe…probably because it was exactly what I needed to hear.
Listening to it again, the same holds true.
For some reason, the word “scatter” really resonates in my head.
la de dah dah dah was the MOST FUN surprise in this song.
I’m saying this with the preface that I know NOTHING about songwriting… but it didn’t feel too wordy to me, because I like all the words; it felt like the third verse was the only place it got jumbled… but that felt more like a rhythm problem than a word problem?
i like this song.
la de dah dah dah was nice. made it feel light, not heavey; child-like without sounding childish.
makes me think of a little girl in her white sun dress with a little dirt on her face standing in the yard outside the house with that single tear from each eye streaked down her cheeks after she’s done something wrong and expects to get in trouble for it. and daddy’s standing there to forgive here mistake and love her and these are the words he would want to say to her if he thought she’d understand it… words he’d want her to hear later in life when the mistakes are bigger.
don’t touch the lyrics. just make the music video. and make it in the sticks of south georgia.
definitely a sweet simple, powerful message. Yes, the bridge is a little weird. The lyrics are great, but to me, it doesn’t change enough from the verse….(didn’t you just tell me that?)
I would totally rework the melody on that part. But that’s just me.
hmmmmm I love this. A lot. A lot a lot.
I can’t wait to HEAR it since I didn’t listen tonight. It’s nearly 2am and I’m in my room and I don’t want to chance waking kiddos.
But I love the words.