Hi. My name is Mandy, and by the time this year o’ 100 songs is over, I’m hoping to have earned the right to call myself a songwriter.
I’ve posted songs on my blog for a while now… Putting them out there for *scrutiny* was hardscaryrisky at first… Now, I welcome the feedback. I thrive on it, actually. It fills my creative lungs with oxygen. Some of you say “Great song!” Some of you say “I don’t get it.” Some of you say “You put into words what I’ve been feeling.” Some of you say “Leave it the way it is!” And some of you say “Change this, this, this, get rid of that, and add a touch of this.” (Those are my favorite, actually.) (*AHEM*HINT*HINT*) Your input has had an immediate impact on my craft. I… I don’t even have the words to explain how beneficial this process has been for me. How can I say it???
You make me a better songwriter.
(everybody say “awww”)
Now, enough of that.
Here’s the part I don’t tell you:
Thoughts? Suggestions? Feedback? If I could record this again, I’d sing it harder… the vocals are too whispery. It needs some edge. That’s my suggestion to myself! What’s yours?
Come up close and you will see
these words – these sounds – these notes are me.
They pour onto the page like tears
That I won’t wipe away.And with my pen I write it all
from soaring heights to plunging falls.
A rush of words that flow
into a river I must wade…I WEAR MY HEART ON A PAGE
I WRITE & SING & PUT IT ON DISPLAY
Some cry. Some hide. Some never feel a thing.
I WEAR MY HEART ON A PAGEYou flip from song to song with ease
Each entry of my diary.
The secret stories of my life
I tell, but you don’t know.These hidden layers of my heart
Are buried deep within the art
lyric laden music
when emotions barely show.CHORUS
When you hear exactly what I ‘m sayin
you’ll never know just what it means to me.CHORUS
So I’m awake again, and I gotta say – listening to this song straight after my “time with God” (sidebar: isn’t all our time with God??…) brought a little tear.
Agree with the need for less whispery vocals (though I know what that’s like…I live in an apratment too and I’m always thinking more about my neighbours than my recordings). Love the chorus melody, esp the third line.
I’m less into half spoken/half sung like the verses, but you do it so well you’re drawing me in Mandy, esp with the lyric to this one.
Tear? should I be sorry…..? or not sorry? that is the question.
You know, the whole sing/talk thing is new to me, too. But I was aiming for a conversational tone. If you can stand it, then I might keep it.
And yeah, please keep the sing/talk thing – it suits your delivery – and will do even when you redo it with more edge.
I don’t think there’s anything I’d like to see changed in the song itself, though I’m looking fwd to seeing what others think.
I’d better get to work now though…!
Ok. Whew.
And change nothing? huh. Interesting.
Have fun at work. Thanks for the input.
ok. first…its weird critiquing a song that talks about wearing your heart on a page
but i know youre good with it.
i like it all. ive listened to it 4 times now. and the thing that stands out is the bridge. but i cant put my finger on it. i dont know if its the melody or the lyric. maybe the melody there can be switched up more, dunno. almost too similar?
I don’t like the melody of the bridge there either.
hhmmm…… too similar to what? it sounds like something I’ve already written, but can’t figure out what.
i dunno.
this is where some musical talent would really help me.
um. i like the way it flows back into the chorus. so maybe its the transition into the bridge that is catching me. i guess im hearing something more…surprising, unexpected? wish i could put a chord structure to my words to explain better. dang.
guess id “like” to hear something more unexpected… what i meant to say.
I likey… a lot.
I’ve listened multiple times… I think on the verses, the last chord of the progression should walk DOWN to the next chord… not back up to the root. I’m not sure it matches completely with the notes you’re singing where it’s currently sitting.
I didn’t pull out my guitar to check it, so I could totally be wrong.
But girl… I love the roughness of your voice.
Jenni: Thanks! That roughness is called “it’s 8:30am and I don’t wanna disturb the neighbors.”
I’ll work on those chords!
Tam: reworking the bridge on this too. and you know more about music than you give yourself credit for.
When I listen to your songs, I often forget that you’re looking for feedback…I tend to think I’m listening to iTunes.
I hope that conveyed the message that I wanted it to…my mind’s a little fuzzy right now.
Anyway, after listening to it a few times, I do agree that the bridge needs a little work, but I am in no position to offer specifics.
I wanted to highlight a verse or lines that I really liked, but I liked them all. Different things hit me each time through.
Short version of comment= love it!
M: I’m speechless that y’all listen to these more than once. Really. Thatsalotta time. thank you…
Dan: “Asher” – and you’re welcome!
Of course. This is a lot of fun for us too.
“Of course. This is a lot of fun for us too.”
exactly!!
well said, marisa
Ok… this may be totally off, but when you sing the part about “I wear my heart on a page” to me it sounds like a sped up version of “will you break free… will you break free” off of May God Arise.
It’s not the exact same, but that’s what I can’t get out of my head when I listen. Am I crazy?
[ok, we know I'm crazy... I mean am I crazy about THIS.]
“The secret stories of my life I tell, but you don’t know.” That’s an interesting line after you talked about how much recording your music brought back the emotions of the time when you wrote each song.
I can’t decide, though, how I feel about that. Because if I felt what each songwriter feels about every song…well, I’d just be a mess! Maybe I will only wish to feel more about YOUR songs.
Mandy first your voice, is such a wonderful gift.. In all of this feedback do not forget that…
I have like zero musical talent…. I just like to listen, so I will not offer any suggestions.
Peace and love…
PS. I am on listen # 3 of this one…
Mandy, great song. You’re really an inspiration to us songwriters. I love what you’re doing, you’ve already earned the right to call yourself a songwriter.
I liked it. I’m not a songwriter so anyone who can write a song and put words to it gets a standing ovation.
It sounded really good. In my opinion there is nothing to change.
mark – i agree! she is an inspiration. she has inspired me in ways i never expected.
ok. niceness done for the week.
Listening again at the end of the day to see if anything’s changed in my perception. This would be the 6th time I think
Agree with @jclayville (my sushi torturer) that the 4th chord in the intro/verse should step down again – I think you’re doing CBAC, but CBAF would be nice (that might be rubbish, I’m going totally by ear, ok…)
I like the bridge as is…it just sounds like you weren’t completely convinced of the melody as you sang it.
You’ll be pleased to know I was singing the chorus all day in work (esp the third line). It took until our worship prayer meeting tonight to clear it…and now I’ve got it back again 8)
For those of you who’ve returned again and again, I just wanna say a BIG thank you. David & Marisa & Tam & Ckroboth – wow. Seriously.
I think y’all might’ve listened to the song more than I have!
David: Yes. I wasn’t too sure of the melody/words of the bridge. That’s a drawback of trying to do a scratch recording AS SOON as the first draft of the song is complete. Trying to write so many songs has forced me to take less time with each one…
It’s a win/win, I’d say!
But, then, I throw it out there for y’all and you do all the hard work for me.
I can definitely hear some violin and cello in this song. I like the strumming pattern and keep wanting it to break wide open. I realize you’d do this with other instruments, though.
You make me want to play guitar. I’ve tried, but no luck. My mind can’t stop thinking piano keys.
I really like the words. I really like the song. Not sure if that is really great feedback but I like the song a lot.
Take 1 – like it very much. LOVE the chorus. Something about the metre of the first verse is off. I’ll try and pick it up on Take 2. And I keep waiting for another instrument to come in and mess around in the background.
Take 2 – put the emphasis on I for “I won’t wipe away” – or choose where, but put an emphasis somewhere – and wade for “I must wade” – or retain ‘must’ but make it slightly more obvious. I thought wade was a bit tame if this river is your life, as it seems too whimsical to match the rest of the song. Breathe before flow so that your singing echoes the sentiment of water flowing. I don’t agree that the vocals are too whispery. It adds to the intimate feel of the song.
Over all, I’d like to hear more of what your interpretation is of the poem that is the song by hearing a little more clearly where you are placing the emphasis. Another way to do this is to can words for example: ‘and’ “Come up close. You will see.” It adds to the speak-singing. Lyrics are great.
just random thoughts – take the meat chuck the bones