Are you happy?
Me: Are you happy?
Drew: Happy…? I dunno. Haven’t thought about it.
Me: You have to think about it?
Drew: (Rubs his head & leans back in his chair.) What do you mean, am I happy? like right now? this week? this month?
Me: (Laughter) I can’t imagine being this disconnected from my feelings. What percentage of the time do you think about your feelings?
Drew: (Blank stare) What do you mean? Like, do I feel my feelings or actually label them?
Me: (Laughing again.) I mean, like being consciously aware of what you’re feeling?
Drew: So… You are asking me about meta-cognition – thinking about how I think?
Me: Yeah. How often are you consciously aware?
Drew: Never! Well….Only when I have a conversation with you!
Me: I can’t imagine not being aware of my feelings.
Drew: Well how do you get out of your own head, then?!
Me: (blink) Didn’t you say you were going to Panera Bread to study or something…? Now would be a good time.
this sounds like a conversation between my wife and i.
hahahaha.
except, reverse the roles.
i think being an artist has a lot to do with it.
but yeah, that “how do you get out of your own head” thing stops me every time too…
Wow – so this doesn’t just happen at my place. Only here, we swap roles…sometimes mid conversation, and then back again. That’s the most fun.
I love this: (Rubs his head & leans back in his chair.) What do you mean, am I happy? like right now? this week? this month?
I get this all the time!!! Ugh. Connect men, CONNECT.
Haha poor Drew. lol! Did you watch Now and Then last night? hehe.
Truth or Dare?
True.
Are you happy?
Not really, I just figured life’s suppose to icky. (s0mething alone those lines)
PS: I made you a surprise!
Ha-ha-ha-ha. . .
What’s that Venus and Mars thing? ? ?
“If the two of you were the same, one of you would be unnecessary.”
This is the funniest thing I have read all week! Truly a brilliant man you are married to!! I love
his philosophical approach to a simple question!!
Great conversation. It’s awesome viewing the fundamental differences between the way different people perceive things.
Hey, were you listening? LOL
It’s a Mars and Venus thing. We’re wired different. Woman are wired to gather berries and be in touch with their feelings. Men hunt mastadons with pointy sticks.
I’ve gotta take Drew’s side here. I *feel* feelings, I don’t *think* about them, certainly not all the time. I can summon up a thought if needed, but my mind is occupied with the best way to bring down that mastadon.
I agree, Mars vs. Venus.
However, I think it is interesting that you infer that women are right for generally a constant awareness of feelings and that men are wrong for generally not being in constant awareness.
I like being not-so-emotional and, as I like to think, less effected by how good or bad my day was. Even if “today” sucked, if I think about it, life is pretty stinking good.
Usually.
Who turned this into a battle of the sexes discussion? For the record: not me. I never mentioned any gender issues in that post. Just a direct dialogue between me & Drew.
Granted, I think this really is the dynamic among the vast majority of men/women…
BUT, I know there are men out there (like the famous Joshua White above) who seem to be more aware of their feelings… As well as women who might lean towards less awareness.
I have friends who fall on both sides of the spectrum.
(Clarification over, please continue with the gender wars.)
ps: Keri -surprises make me nervous!
Preach it, Drew.
While this is probably true of most, certainly there are exceptions … my boyfriend and I seem to be opposite. It’s encouraging to know we’re not the ONLY ones.
that is HILARIOUS.
HILARIOUS I TELL YOU!
Sounds exactly like a conversation between me and Jake.
Sorry boys, but y’all are CRAZY.
Drew: I think you’re very brave posing an ‘are you navel gazing’ question directly to your artistic, melancholic wife. VERY brave. Or something.
Meta cognitive thinking is a great couple ‘o words. I first heard it in psychology class and tend to enjoy using it, though sparsely.
Thanks for sharing. Hehe.
This story made me think of these Harry Potter quotes (for the nerds among us):
“One person can’t feel all that at once, they’d explode.”
– Ron to Hermione
“Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon, doesn’t mean we all have.”
–Hermione to Ron
Who wrote the song “Feelings”???
Barry Manilow, right?
Hmmm…
This pretty much summarizes the last 9 years that I’ve known my husband
I still don’t have him figured out, but I love how we have changed each other. Balance is good.
Now THIS is what I’m thinking:
Would it be better to be in constant awareness, or never aware??
Haha I think it’s hilarious how he made the question so much more complicated and philosophical (:
I think I’m SORT of like that too. It’s not that I’m not aware of my feelings, but I tend to feel so many things at once that it’s hard to sum up or even understand sometimes. I think that’s why I’m crazy.
Constant awareness…if not, how do we know if we’re living real or just going through the motions…???
Men
This sounds like conversations I
havewould like to havethink would be a step in the right direction with my husband. You got 5 more answers out of him than I would have (of my hubby) and also didn’t make him mad at you in the process.sigh
Annie: That was ONE conversation… There’s a lotta water under that bridge. And, don’t forget, the man had to do some head-rubbing just to get through it.
HAHAHAHA, that is awesome….i’m not sure where i’d fall, i’m constantly stuck inside my own head, and then there are other times i’m stuck outside it
Oh and what is your husbands blog URL? Can’t have one without the other
drewthompson.wordpress.com
But, he’s so sporadic that I don’t even pimp him here.
I like to think the trick is to make our minds such a beautiful place we have no need to get out of them. Except to get into someone else’s beautiful mind.
My guess is that men are just as emtional as women, but we be less willing to express ours, as least in American culture. Even that I am sure of.
feelings? what are those things? Drew hit it right on the head!
one of my highlights of our reunion weekend was watching you and drew interact. i love it.
if you want to be happy Mandy – remember…
Ignorance is Bliss!
If you want a life of perpetual suffering – then Constant Awareness of your own feelings – and those of others.
If you want a life of complete and perfect spirituality then Constant ’seperation’ from your feelings – merely observe them and let them pass – just like you are watching a fairly uninteresting tv show with ( human, earthly) you as the main character in ‘your’ life.
Let your body have them but don’t ‘identify’ with them!
That last one is what we find the hardest to put into everyday practice all the time – we become way too ‘involved’ with our own feelings for our own ‘good’.
I suspect that, in terms of total lifetime, Drew is going to be happier than you if things remain as they currently are.
Of course that is up for debate – like if he never sees something ‘important’ coming his way that his feelings might have told him about in time to reverse if he had had constant awareness, like you.
Those things tend to happen to men when they least expect them whereas they happen to women who’ve been expecting and anticipating and worrying about them for years and done little effectively to avoid.
Neither is a perfect way to live in my opinion.
<B
Dang it…I seriously think my husbands name is Drew…I married your husband. Or maybe you married MINE. They are exactly the same. For reals.
“Asking a guy what he is feeling is like a guy asking his dog if he wants to go skiing!” ( Jeff Mack)
You know the dog is keen to go where you’re going but he just won’t be able to handle it at all well!
Scooby-doo might look cute in ski goggles and holding onto ski-poles… but it just ain’t gonna happen in the real world.
The distinction between men and women starts from birth – our society generally is geared to making women focus on their emotions/feelings while making men focus on the practicality of providing for a family, working towards a career.
Typically, women are ‘taught’ to focus on their emotions, while men are taught to focus on their actions.
Break the chains.
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