If Jerry Calls, Don’t Answer

We need to know about this advancement in technology. I honestly wouldn’t have believed it if this hadn’t happened to me…

I stepped into the building around 11:20 am, just twenty minutes shy of when I was supposed to arrive for the interview. Of course I spent the past 25 minutes driving through the maze of corporate buildings looking for this place.

I followed the lunch delivery lady to a locked glass door. Lights on. People working. Locked. Rang the doorbell as she mumbled under her breath: “Beware of employers who lock their door like this.” Great…

The receptionist let us in and I filled out a detailed visitor sign-in sheet. Strange.

The company runs automated phone services for many other services/hospitals/insurance companies in the medical field. The technology is top-of-the-line, award-winning, innovative, conversational, based on logic, responsive to the individual. Voice recognition software, blah blah blah.

The job? Transcription. Type out the messages that people leave during this automated call. No problem.

I was interviewed by a woman who was a Ph.D., author, and instructor at one of the most prestigious universities in Boston: “We have human voice models and scripts that are constantly being improved.” “We tell our executive board that we need to use southern accents when calling the south. People don’t want to talk to a New England voice.” “There’s a database of over 1 million names, recorded by a human voice, each representing a person on our client’s call list.” “The voice recognition only really recognizes yes and no answers.”

Only yes or no? Strange again. Why is that so innovative?! Cell phones can do better than that!

During the interview, I took a quick transcription test. Most messages were about prescriptions or doctors appointments. But one was different: “You obviously don’t have a grasp of the English language. I said ‘Why not!?’ As in ‘Sure! Why not!?’ You asked if I’d rather try X medication instead of Y medication. I said ‘Why not!?” If you go as one of your colleagues, they will tell you that this is an acceptable phrase in the English language.”

Why is he telling a computer to ask colleagues about a phrase?

I tried to shake the heebie-jeebies as I left the building. Called Drew to tell him I was certain they liked me and will offer me the position.

I couldn’t help but wonder what in the HECK was going on in that office!? Something wasn’t right. I rehearsed everything in my head. Then it dawned on me and I was shocked. Scared. And a bit skeptical.

The next morning I talked it out with Drew, who hesitantly said it might be possible. But, by the time I heard from their HR department I’d nearly talked myself out of this theory. There’s just now way. But, I asked… just in case.

And I was right.

“Most people don’t realize they are talking to an application because our technology is so good.”

This means they think they are talking to a human. This is good? Good? Companies want you to think you’re receiving genuine human interest, even though it’s automated? Sounds bad to me. Sounds like they are facilitating a false impression.

The next night, I told this story at Bible Study. One of the women in the group nearly came out of her seat. Three weeks ago she received a call regarding some new children’s movies. “Hi Jessica, my name is Jerry and I’m with ……” She spent ten minutes talking to Jerry before he had trouble with his volume and the call was dropped. When she called back, a telemarketer (surrounded by all the telemarketing chatter) re-connected her with Jerry and they started all over again verbatim: “Hi Jessica, my name is Jerry and I’m with ….”

Same script.

Same tones.

Same interaction.

She was floored. She realized she had an entire conversation with a computer who WAS ANSWERING HER QUESTIONS!!!

I asked her to describe how she felt: “Betrayed, deceived, stupid, embarrassed…”

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

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48 thoughts on “If Jerry Calls, Don’t Answer

  1. I’ve never had it happen but I’m so not surprised… one of the trade magazines I used to write for was all about call centers and the technology involved. Back then this was something we thought could happen in the future but wasn’t available at the time.

    I’m sure it’s incredibly efficient, but we did a lot of articles about automation taking the people out of customer service.

  2. Did y’all think it “ethical” to take the automated phone calls this far?

    As far as efficiency & all, the company’s website says that each call cost WAY less than putting a stamp on an envelope – and (obviously) yielded much better results…

  3. That’s flippin scarey! I feel like if technology continues to advance, humans wouldn’t do much of anything, there would be no need to when a computer can do it. yes, it is nice to be able to send emails and keep in contact and I’m all for curing diseases, but thinking your talking to an actually person when its really a computer is freaky. Its like eventually they will be walking around and living lives or something!
    Creepy!

  4. Creepy is DEFINITELY the word for it.

    I would say, next time a company/business/corporation calls you, ask a random question like:
    What’s your favorite Disney movie?
    See if they have problems with their volume then!!

  5. Wow, that is kinda freaky. Signs of the times (and no, I don’t mean “end times” although if that floats your boat…). Guess with every technological advancement there is something we have to give up, in this case, human interaction.

  6. I agree is is unethical not to tell a caller up front that they are talking to a machine.

    Like Gitz I am concerned about the loss of jobs for people without some technical skills. Customer service jobs being replaced by jobs that require training with computer skills, soft-wear design, etc.

    I think I would be more amazed than creep-ed out to learn I was talking to a computer. That is one of the test for Artificial Intelligence. Can a computer program fool a human in to thinking they are talking to another human.

    I am also skeptical by the companies claim that Southerns prefer to talk with a CSR who has a Southern accent. All any one wants is good service. If we don’t get it then the accent spoken will make no difference.

    In terms of the quality of service I have had to many problems talking to humans. I am willing to give computer programs a chance.

  7. Awful. And no doubt in response to the general community outrage at call centre jobs being sent offshore to India &/or the Philippines.

    Admittedly, I’m not a big fan of someone who has clearly never been to Australia telling me about the wonderful weather we’re having…I can look up that surf report web page perfectly well myself…but I think this computerised nonsense is definitely much more humiliating.

    These are probably the people who keep ringing but never leave a message. When it was a human, they at least used to leave 20 seconds of the random chatter going on around them…

  8. It’s creepy because it is unusual and unexpected – not what we have become ‘used to’

    However….

    it’s going to become more and more ‘familiar as we go even further than this. In Japan there is already a man who has made several ‘versions’ of his daughter, each one becoming more and more ‘realistic’ to the stage where currently the robot looks almost identical to her and responds in a way that is barely different (but still just enough ‘inhuman’ for us to be able to tell that either it is a robot or a seriously ‘wrong’ little girl) to the way a ‘normal’ 10 year old would.

    He and others will not stop until we will, in some circumstances, be unaware that we are not actually talking face to face with a non-human being – even down to touching them.

    Our future is being created today – robots will work for and ‘with’ us in our everyday life.

    I just hope it is not in my lifetime – i have a feeling the people who already fail to have any humanity when dealing with actual humans will have even less when dealing with maybe half a world who are run by batteries.

    That’s a world i am not looking forward to – not at all.

    <B

  9. that’s sooo weird!

    thanks for spending quality time with my blog :) hehe I typed a paragraph reply for ya on one of them. oh and the boy…i can’t stop thinking about it/him/us. sigh. i really wanted to share, but didn’t want him to stumble on it and get embarrassed, so i tried to not be too specific about him…and when I asked him for some more time…he basically said, i’m sorry, i’m not ready to pursue anyone right now. and his letter was pretty direct. what a weekend! phew.

  10. A few weeks ago, I read an article that briefly mentioned that pretty soon, they won’t even need us to interact with our PCs the way we do now. I wish I could find the article again, especially since my mind can’t grasp how that would really work, but nonetheless, quite scary.

  11. Okay. So that sounded hideously arrogant. A computer can be programmed to accept linguistic responses, that’s no surprise.

    But if I say, in my serious monotone, “My grandmother just dropped acid and kidnapped a bus full of penguins so it’s actually been a pretty easy day around here.”

    Only a human being is going to know how to respond to that.

  12. Besides, when I phone call from someone I don’t know, I always start the conversation in a shiny, happy, sing-song voice. For example…

    Telemarketing Computer Posing As Human: “Good evening, MRNor. How are you doing?”

    “I’m fantastic, but I’ll get better. But, hey, since we’re on that subject. How many Telemarketing Computers Posing As Humans does it take to change a light bulb?”

    [Distant sound of circuits frying.]

    “One. But it has to be while you’re eating dinner.”

  13. And besides, like Ray Bradberry was once asked, “What will we do with a character like Superman when humans go to Mars?”

    And Ray Bradberry said, “He’ll be waiting for us there.”

    Humanity can never outrun our imagination.

  14. By the way, if you think computers posing as humans is something, you should see the movie, “What The [Bleep] Do We Know?”

    You’ll find out that quantum physics has discovered that you never actually touch anything; the atoms in one object simple push aside the atoms in another object. And it is that force we feel.

  15. In fact, not too long ago, scientists split a photon and ran each half along six miles of fiber optic cable. Amazingly enough, each half followed the exact same pattern as the other half, even though they were separated by miles.

  16. Oh my….Nor you are my hero, i’ve always wanted to hijack a blog but never had the gall to for fear of being banished. There i said it. And Nor, i understood about 90% of what you wrote, does that qualify me for geekdom?

    Now lets all say hi to the CIA and NSA who are most likely reading this b/c the word hijack has been written multiple times. =)

    Now to actually comment on the blog, tech is only gonna get worse/better from here, multiple cores, new storage devices, fibre optics becoming the norm in everything, etc, etc, etc. Strap on your seat belts people, its gonna be a fun ride…did i mention i like cars where the only computur controled function is the fuel injection? aka anything built 1992 or earlier. =)

  17. Mandy: You can probably look up Buddy Hacket on YouTube to see how funny he is. (When you do, be glad I didn’t tell you the potato joke!) But, yes, I am okay. Of course I’m okay. Why-ever would I not be okay…? :???:

    Zach: Sorry. You need to understand 100% of what I have said to qualify for GeEkDoM! I’m not worried about CIA or the NSA. They know the difference between hijacking a blog and…Well, that other crap.

    I don’t think Mandy would ever banish me. I’m just too much fun. ;)

    As for cars, I prefer good-ol’-fashioned MUSCLE. When cars were made with mechanics and industrialization–NOT computers.

    That includes the fuel injection. Cause, like, computers just make cars look so dern fuelish!

  18. Haha!! Nor made me laugh!

    Um. Phone machine. Yes. Creepy. I like the idea/suggestion up there ^^ that they shouldn’t do that without telling you you are talking to a machine. It would be ethical if they warned you. Of course, then probably most people would hang up right away. But … still, then you don’t have people feeling sub-human (even though they’re the human one in the equation!) And on the reverse side, then you may get people marveling – “Can you believe what they can make computers do?! That is amazing! It’s like I’m talking to a real person!” That seems to be … quite a bit more ethical. Although – I’m sure most of the world would agree that talking to a live person is the better option all around. :)

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