This question, and the heart behind it, in my opinion, aligns itself to the will and heart of God.

He also asks people to start viewing those they are dating as someone’s wife, whether mine or a different guy. With that in mind, what should I do? In other words, how would I want my future wife acting physically in a relationship with another guy?

1. Don’t touch anything covered twice.
2. Stay vertical.
3. Do not kiss for as long as possible. Once you start, it’s downhill from there.

As a society we are edge dancers. We dance on the edge of life. If the speed limit is 70, we go 72 hoping NOT to get caught. If we’re on a diet w/ only 1200 calories a day, we’ll cut an m&m in half to reach, but not go over or dialy calories.

When we’re driving down the road & we start feeling the flub, flub, flub of the rumble strips on the side of the road, we know we’re getting too close to the edge. We are still far from going over…but still have those rumble strips to catch our attention.

We each need to set limits, or rumble strips, for ourselves & have accountability to someone. When you’re in the middle of a relationship & you get flooded w/ feelings, you need warning signs that *wait* this is one of my rumble strips…I’m starting to head in a direction that I don’t wanna go…stop…slow down…take control

(And I have to note, Mandy – you’ve pulled out pretty much every single guy to comment on this one!)

Ummm… from my perspective … I have several ‘views.’

1) ‘too far’ is subjective and individual. Someone else’s boundaries will never fly in the moment.

2) for a girl – BE PICKY on the guy you choose. I cannot stress this enough. Their boundaries will become your boundaries in the heat of the moment. If they have a decent understanding of what boundaries are, and an understanding that they are to be respected at all costs – you have a treasure. This is THE MOST important thing. (At least from the sex standpoint. Salvation is the most important overall.) See, what happens in the moment, is that guys are the most susceptible to ‘going too far.’ Their drive for it is POWERFUL. And as women, it is created into us (see Genesis) to want to give in to him, and to enjoy that he needs us that much. If there is not an agreement between both people that they will, at all costs, respect the other person’s boundaries, firstly because they are the other person’s boundaries, and secondly because what they’re waiting for is WORTH waiting for (even as excruciatingly hard as it is), then ‘too far’ will be reached.

3) how you were raised seems to be the single greatest thing that will determine your boundaries in the heat of the moment. Sometimes what you ‘decide’ in your head cannot match the patterns you’ve lived.

4) I think respect line-crossing is quite probably the greater issue than the physical line-crossing. The only reason to hold back is out of respect for someone. Respect for your own body, respect for his, respect for God, respect for your families, respect for what marriage is designed to be, respect for your future relationship. The physical boundaries my husband and I crossed before we were married – in many ways don’t even make a blip on the radar for me now (he was my only boyfriend, it should be said – baggage from other relationships is a whole other ball of wax), but the disrespect … yep, that still gets me. Not that it can’t be healed … but that was the weightier issue.

And finally … what boundaries I would set right now, knowing myself (which as I said before is subjective, but just in case it helps someone): Being alone, with no one around is the single biggest and easiest to fix thing in setting boundaries. People around = most people won’t ‘go for it.’ Nobody around = might as well be a bedroom. So … limit to some degree, or ‘off limits entirely’ one-on-one time with no one around. This doesn’t mean chaperoning … but it does mean public places, etc. In a public place no one will bother you nor know who you are – but the presence of people nearby will discourage the ‘bedroom’ feel. Actually, that’s probably the biggest thing. We had to limit French kissing … Hm. That’s all I’m coming up with at the moment.

And I will say (since you’re talking to gals) – IT IS WORTH IT to find a guy who cherishes you as the weaker vessel. I can’t tell you how loved I felt – how taken care of and esteemed I felt – whenever Ben would respect my boundaries. I felt like a princess. Like he was my knight in shining armor, protecting his lady. I know it sounds silly … but I did. That feeling … priceless.

That’s my 2 cents! (might be more like $1.50)