Comments on: The girls want to know about cohabitation

By: Joy Eggerichs

Joy Eggerichs — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 23:30:32 +0000

I am joining the conversation a year late, but a friend sent me this blog post and I really appreciated reading everyone’s thoughts. Steph said exactly what I wanted to say. As Christians we must live above reproach. And as Indian Lake Papa said we have to consider what we are doing NOW.

Sure we can consider the statistics that cohabiting isn’t the best route to ensure a good marriage, but it seems like even if we are obedient to this rule as a rule, we are missing the whole point of discipline and obedience out of Love for God. We can all be obedient, but if we aren’t doing it out of reverence for Christ and a desire to fully trust and understand why our sexuality is so sacred, then we are just following a rule. It is for our own accomplishment, or man’s, but not for God. It’s the same thing when people ask, “How far can we go physically?” Well, the bible doesn’t technically give the “datings do’s and don’ts” so it’s easy for people to bend the rules if they want to function legalistically and not out of love.

Where is our heart? What are we doing now, as unmarrieds, that shows our trust and faith in Christ’s bigger plan. Can we practice discipline in any area of our life?

By: annie

annie — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 05:59:47 +0000

LOVE all the thoughts here. Can’t add.

By: Cindy Beall

Cindy Beall — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 01:35:46 +0000

HAY-ul no.

Any questions?

By: Mandy

Mandy — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 22:11:40 +0000

I think you did well considering that you were caught off guard.

I think that for one, it gives the appearance of evil. No one else knows what goes on behind closed doors, besides you & God. In addition, I don’t think it is wise at all. Even if you think you have enough will power, living with someone means that you will have to fight that every single night. And it’s not just the bed. There are plenty more opportunities throughout the day to succumb to the pressure. What about while one is showering, or getting ready? These are also things that you shouldn’t be seeing before marriage, but are closer to being within reach if you live together. Just my two-cents.

By: teri

teri — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 00:40:39 +0000

A few thoughts.

I adored the time my husband and I had at the beginning of our marriage learning how to live together! I even refused to unpack anything new that we had received as shower gifts, because I didn’t want to use anything that was meant for both of us, while I lived in our apartment alone before we got married. Nor would I sleep in our (completely unmade) bed. (That was a little extreme, I know!) Anyway, it was a sacred time in life. Just the two of us, learning how to sacrifice, prefer the other over ourself and honor one another. I couldn’t imagine doing that without the covenant. I love that we got to experience those things only with each other.

By: Indian Lake Papa

Indian Lake Papa — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 22:35:45 +0000

I think the #1 solution is – stay close to GOD – now!
Run from any appearance of evil – now!
How are they doing dating – now!

I guess the key word is “now” – what are they doing with sex temptations – now?

By: mandythompson

mandythompson — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 22:14:03 +0000

Steph: Thanks for being so honest. You brought layers into this that I didn’t stop to consider. But it’s true – VERY true… Thank you.

By: kristiapplesauce

kristiapplesauce — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 20:56:53 +0000

It seems to me that it doesn’t even have to be about with sex although I am sure that will eventually become a problem. When I think about living together or spending the night or even taking naps together what starts to happen is “familiar”. Some of the most tender and intimate moments of my relationship with my husband happened before we were married (not sex) but because I was too stupid to keep those moments protected. I allowed him to see me without makeup or when I was sleepy. He saw me in early and late. I didn’t hold much back and yeah, I can say that I held “that” back but really…really I think that those sweet and tender and fascinating moments are the times that we grow and learn and experience each other and “become one”. Not just during intercourse. At least it is for my husband and I and it kinda sucks that we crossed some of those lines before we got married because I was too lazy to go home when it was 10:00 rather then 11:30 or because I washed my face and got comfortable while watching a movie in pajamas. No. No, I don’t think that is wise. Those moments are meant for closed doors and there aren’t many when you are living with somebody…even if intercourse isn’t involved.

By: Steph

Steph — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 20:38:47 +0000

I didn’t comment on the last blog entry about this, but felt that I should do so now…

(I’m a college (single) female, so I TOTALLY relate to the topics you all are discussing!) Cohabitation is a BIG, FAT NO! Why? Well a few reasons… one it gives the APPEARANCE of evil—even if you aren’t having sex—others will not know what doesn’t happen behind closed doors. This appearance can (and I believe 99.9% of the time WILL) compromise your witness. The Bible says to FLEE from even the appearance of sin, and so that should be enough. But I know it’s not! In addition, cohabitation does not protect the heart. The heart is the WELL-SPRING of life, and God commands us to guard this! Song of Solomon charges people to “not arouse love before the due time”. This mandate is found NUMEROUS times in the book, highlighting the importance of the command. Living together before marriage (even if you have the self-control of 1,000 nuns and aren’t engaging in sexual impurity) arouses love in both the physical and emotional sense. (WARNING: I’m about to be blunt!) In this sex saturated world it’s hard enough to not ‘appease’ your desires while living alone. I cannot imagine the how dangerous it would be to know that the person I LOVE and am turned on by is nekked in the next room. Even if I didn’t physically sin… my mind sure wouldn’t be thinking sanctified thoughts.

Can you tell that God’s dealing with me on living a life of purity?! Keep preaching truth, Mandy! I wish I was in your group. <3

By: edfromct

edfromct — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:56:49 +0000

Unless you have some super power living together means sex.

I have lived with four women and never got married. Since none of these relationships lasted that may be a good example of why co-habiting may not be a good idea, at least if you expect it to last.

I do knew several couples who have lived together for more than 10 years, never got married, and have children. It seems to work for them.

I am an atheist, but if I was a Christian than I would use church doctrine and passages in the Bible to show how it is wrong, at least in God’s eyes.

Mandy, better study up on your Bible before your next session.