There was a time in my life when I was worried I was losing my mind. In fact, I think I did a little… But one of the strings of sanity I managed to hold on to was that little bit that said: “Mandy, you know you’re slipping. Slow down now and lean on Drew.” I won’t go into the details, but it was tough. If I wasn’t at work, I was at home feeling too overwhelmed to do anything or go anywhere. Getting out took major mental and emotional effort. For the most part I was able to hide it, but on the inside I couldn’t really “cope” with the everyday stuff. I have enough counseling training to know that this is the #1 indicator of something being wrong, which only confirmed my worries.
Once I realized what was triggering all of this, I waited it out. I knew it’d come to an end. And it did. But in the midst, I felt like I was gonna be this way forever.
My biggest fear as a child was mental illness. Namely, ME being mentally ill. That my mind wouldn’t work properly in order for me to deal with life. That my brain would be broken.
Now I know better.
Now I know that I, just like everyone else, am little crazy – and this “crazy” can happen at varying degrees in different stages of life. We’re all like this. It makes us normal.
Some people might think I’m crazy because I can’t sleep in wrinkly sheets. Or because I have to tie my gym shoes to the same tightness before I work out. Or because I can’t stand super spicy foods. Or ’cause I get stressed out at parties. Or that I really really really don’t like surprises – pleasedon’teversurprisemeI’llhaveapanicattack. Or that I have an affinity for going two days without showering. Or that I can’t stand big cities.
You get the picture.
That’s me. That’s the everyday-crazy-Mandy.
What about you? How are you crazy?
Thanks, Marisa, for inspiring this post. 
Yep, you’re WACKO! j/k of course.
I don’t happen to think it’s crazy, but my wife swears I have OCD cuz I CANNOT have numbers on my caller id, emails in my inbox, etc. I don’t care if I’ll need it later, they must be deleted, or at least put in a file where I can’t see them. Usually the first thing I do when I get home is check the phones to make sure all of the numbers are gone and THEN I’ll see if there are any messages. I figure if they needed something that important, they’d say so on the machine….but then I delete that too….and usually forget to relay the messages
. Oops!
I go crazy when things are not where they belong. For example, my family(including me) has a bad habit of just taking off our jackets and shoes and leaving them where they are taken off. Well when coming through the door seeking rest or family chill time, that’s okay. But in the morning when we are trying to scramble to get ready for school it drives me nuts when they are not in their proper home. My girls can sense my fuse getting short and they will run around picking them up and putting them away. They don’t like to see my crazy….
@Pastor_t I have the same issues with Caller Id and email, your reply actually side tracked me to check for numbers and messages.
I also find myself washing my hands often thinking, why? But with a dog and two little girls that go to what I a call a germ incubator(public school) it can’t hurt, right?
Glad I am not alone!
Thanks for stopping by! I’m cracking up that you got sidetracked by Pastor T’s OCDism. Wow.
So can you send your girls to pick up my apartment as well?
Yup.
I HATE (in the strongest sense) when balloons pop. My whole body contracts, cringes, panics. I also HATE static electricity shocks. This lead me to looking crazy when I would exit my car and then not touch the car door to close it and then to open the door I would pull a sleeve down or find a piece of material to put between me and the door handle. It’s horrible. I also hate surprises. Whatever, call me a party pooper, I could care less. I’m fun, just not when a surprise is involved!
JUST KIDDING!
How’d you survive the long static-filled winters in New England???
I have always worried about mental illness too because we have some crazy genes in our family! It is especially scary when you are staring in the face of an actual diagnosis by a professional. In some ways it was a relief so now I know what I am up against and what I have to do to keep it under control. The part I was most scared about is that it would progressively get worse but the good news is this is as crazy as I am going to get!
“This is as crazy as I am going to get!”
You sound like you’re doing better.
Best. Ramsey. Comment. EVER.
Starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!
I’ve been going through some crazy myself, Mandy. I just haven’t been brave enough to be honest about how bad it is, how hard it is. Even now, I’m saying that on YOUR blog, not mine!
But you’re right – we do all have a little crazy in us. And, it will come to an end.
As for a lighter answer to your question – I am very scared of trains. Not because I’ve ever been injured by a train or known anyone who has been injured by a train, but they scare the living daylights out of me just the same!
Sad to hear you’re facing a tough time. You’re not alone, as alone as you feel… You’re not…
Thanks, friend. I’m better now. The last month was rough for some reason, but the clouds are definitely lifting this week!
I have a rub fetish. Usually this is satisfied with the lining of a jacket or a string or something small…but okay, this is really sad, but the top of my favorite blanket fell of in the wash a few years back – like the satin, so I kept it and now I just rub that. Just at night though because it calms me down like when I was a kid – even though I have been making sure I have had blankets with satin tops on them on my bed for 20 years. Dang it. I am in the crazy club too…huh?
You’re the president.
I can’t catch a baseball/softball without seriously freaking out. A football is fine. Basketball, no problem. Tennis ball flying 100 mph? No worries. But a baseball scares the tar out of me.
In high school, playing baseball with my youth group, was about to catch a fly ball. Hit the top of my glove and then went straight into my eye. Shattered my glasses and gave me a huge cut under my eye.
That was well over 10 years ago. And to this day I shy away from playing baseball. If I actually do, every time I’m about to catch the ball, my whole body goes into panic mode and for a split second I loose track of everything. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over, as much as I tell myself it shouldn’t freak me out anymore.
I have an aversion to flying balls for the same reason. Only I wasn’t wearing glasses. And I wasn’t even trying to catch the ball. I was the tee-ball shortstop drawing in the dirt with her shoe. And then – WHAM.
No more sports for me, sir.
I’m too crazy to reveal.
It’s normal for me, but you would freak out if you really knew!
I must say, I am honored.
Where to begin on my crazy…
I have to walk on the right side of people. HAVE TO. Some people have gotten used to it…but I’ve been known to make a few people spin in circles trying to follow where I am as a get in the right place.
And ohmygosh no surprises. I don’t show excitement well (assuming the surprise actually excites me as opposed to making me nervous), even when it’s really there. So it’s best for everyone if we avoid such situations.
My list of craziness is infinite.
I love the honesty that you bring to this blog! It is so refreshing. I have a huge aversion to velvet. I can’t stand to touch anything that is velvet or remotely similar to velvet. Something about the feel against my skin gives me the heebie jeebies and causes me to cringe.
MEEEE TOOOOOOOOO! I can’t do velvet either. It’s like going against the grain. ewwww….. Do you have a blog we can check out? Thanks for stopping by!
Hey! I know that I am the last person on this planet, but I do not have a blog yet. I really want to start one, but I am fearful and don’t know where to begin. Any hints for someone like me that is a newbie??
You’re probably the wisest on the planet as well!
I’m totally crazy. I’m even medicated for it.
And the shower thing….I TOTALLY get that. In fact, I currently identify with your entire first paragraph.
Oh, you know that whole thing about stepping on cracks on the sidewalk….I can’t do it. And if I mistakingly do, I have to make sure my other foot steps on a crack as well….to keep it even. You know where each square of the sidewalk ends and another begins….basically the lines in the sidewalk (the ones that are supposed to be there)…I avoid those, and look like an idiot when I do.
I may regret revealing that.
We already knew you were a bit quirky!
Your mom’s the president.
I’m not obsessive about this, but I do find that I like to even things out [like Brandy with the cracks in the sidewalk]… if I scratch my right ear, my left ear will feel weird until I scratch it, too. Stuff like that.
Or when I curl my eyelashes I count how long I hold the curler on it so that I hold it on the other eye the same amount of time so they curl the same.
And I like to act on things IMMEDIATELY. I’ll get an idea for how to arrange something or organize something and I want to do it right then. Or if I get a gift for someone a week before their birthday, I don’t want to wait until their birthday for them to open it. I can wait to open a gift to ME, I just want whoever I’m giving a gift to to have it right away. I just get excited about stuff like that. When I moved into my condo it was unpacked and decorated the very next day, with everything in its place.
I also like organizing/preparing projects more than actually doing them.
And I hate walking on rocks/driveways/sidewalks in bare feet.
And I think being tickled is a form of torture.
You like organizing??? Can I HIRE you?
You wouldn’t even have to pay me, I like it that much.
the similarities continue to increase, and so does the creepy factor.
♥ you!
that was for Gitz.
I was wondering… Glad to know the creepy violin music wasn’t playing for me!
I KNOW! [are we on for im-ing Lost tomorrow?]
(And suddenly my blog becomes a chat room!)
YES WE ARE ON!!!! I can’t watch it any other way now!
And yes Mandy, your blog is now a chat room. It’s where all the cool peeps hang out.
(Does that make me cool, too?)
the coolest.
There is good crazy, doing something you want, or feel you need to do, even though everyone else thinks it’s an insane idea.
There is bad crazy, the kind you are talking about in your post, that can make us just curl up into a ball and cry.
I have know both. Mental illness runs in my family, actually it gallops.
My grandfather committed suicide, as I tried to once. My father had a nervous breakdown and spent the last years of his life sitting on the sofa staring straight ahead at nothing.
Given this background one of the things I work very hard at is to recognize when the bad crazy is coming and to start finding a way to get past it.
The only time I get stressed out now is driving on the highway. I can deal with back roads and city streets, but when I get on the highway, and that first car cuts me off, or starts tailgating me, my monster comes out of his closet.
Sad to read this, Ed… Real sad. Maybe you should stay off the highway!
when landry and i go walking together, he has to stop and wait on me at least three times so i can tie and re-tie my shoe laces until they’re the same tightness. huh. glad to know i’m not the only one.
super loud noises make my head spin and practically throw me into anxiety.
talking on the phone for more than about 8 minutes drives me batty.
aaaand…if i’m feeling too exhuasted to brush before going to bed, i lay there for about ten minutes until all those images of the little plaque monsters (like from the old listerine commercials) make so crazy i have to get back out of bed and brush my teefers. i’m sure it’d be easier to just do it, but when i get that sleepy i’m not exactly logical.
OH OH OH!!!
I’ve never met another shoelace weirdo! Can I hug you?!?!
i know! me neither! i seriously almost squealed i was so surprised to read that.
We should start a support group. I’m not OCDish, but I also can’t stand wrinkly sheets… and I LOVE heavy blankets. I wonder if it’s all related. I wonder if I wasn’t swaddled enough as a baby. ???
heavy blankets are like a reassurance that soon, you will be warm and snuggly.
(maybe i should look into the act of swaddling when i decide to have kids…)
A few weeks ago I told someone that I’m such a high-maintenance sleeper that I’d absolutely LOVE to be swaddled even now as an adult. Hmmm… Might try a really tight sleeping bag soon.
Hmmm…what do I want to admit here…
I’m hyper-sensitive to rib jabs. For years, my (in)voluntary reflex was to whack whoever had jabbed me. It took (takes) A LOT of self-control (self-counselling) to choose that I had control over this reflex and to stop injuring people.
I do the shoelace thing too…which is one reason I try to avoid wearing shoes with laces…
On a serious note, there’s a history of some mental illness on my dad’s side. It’s helped me recognise the difference between normal crazy and crazy crazy.
Yep. And there is a difference. Basically: how far over the line is someone wandering (and/or lost)…
I don’t mind messiness if all the items in the room are lined up just right.
Yep, you’re one of the crazies.
sounds like my husband. he hates a mess but as long as the mess is pushed up against a wall and straightened, he’s totally at peace with it.
I’m in customer service and have to shake hands with at least 20 people a day, and I am little OCD about it.
I rate their handshakes especially women, if their palms are wet= nervous or just went to the bathroom lots of Purell!!
lays hand in mine= insecure
firm = strength
breaks my hand= macho and a complete Idiot
and so forth, I go all day rating people on their handshakes call me crazy…
Oh I do have plenty of Purell standing by!
I can’t wait to shake your hand!
Aren’t we all just unique? Slightly crazy too.
I am better living in our older imperfect house with all it’s flaws. Our IA house was new and for 4 years I obssesively cleaned my floors (could the 100lb drooling dog have anything to do with that?)and noticed every mark/ding on every wall as I passed through.
Now – I am blissfully unable to distinguish new flaws from the old – they just run into each other. I know it’s clean – even when it looks dirty.
I now have other obssesions….
Me to my girl… Me Too!!!
I don’t like loud anything, I don’t want it quiet, just don’t yell!
I don’t like to take showers every day.
I like to get things done and check off my list.
I really like to organize.
I really, really dislike when my husband is away.
A fellow shower-skipper. Ahhhh… I’m not alone in this world.
im all shades of crazy. so much so, i dont even know where to start. it just seems….normal now.
yeah ah-huh
That kind of crazy you talked about, I’ve had my own struggles with it. Thanks for your honesty.
I’m so crazy I’d go crazy if I wasn’t crazy, which is crazy but sometimes crazy is the only sane response to crazy.
Um. Yessir.
sigh.