Comments on: Do you tell your spouse everything?

By: Missy

Missy — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 08:48:05 +0000

I have a friend of many years that I think used to keep our conversations to himself. I am friends with he and his wife and something has changed in their relationship the past few years and he started sharing more with her and she is constantly repeating or asking me about things I told him alone. He has even forwarded my emails to her.

Many of these things are things I would share with her if it came up – so they are not exactly secrets, but if I had wanted them both to know, I would have brought it up when we were together. I have decided to stop confiding in this friend as I don’t feel respected or that I can trust him anymore.

I have brought it up a few times and it still goes on. But not anymore – I have control over this situation – but am saddened to lose this aspect of our friendship.

I have shared things with my husband but after a few times of him doing the same thing and bringing things up to my friend, I stopped sharing with him. All MY secrets seemed to be safe, but he lost his judgement when it came to others. I valued my friends and their privacy so stopped sharing. I guess I am hurt that my friend has not afforded me the same courtesy.

By: Russ Hutto

Russ Hutto — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:09:08 +0000

Something I’ve learned in ministry is that there are some things you SHOULD keep to yourself.

Without going into a lot of details, one thing that I’ve experienced is that if you “vent” too much about even little frustrations, my wife holds on to them a whole lot longer than I do. I’ll vent, get over it, and move on…and she holds on to them forever basically stacking up a mountain of discontent, frustration, and eventually bitterness over stuff that I’ve long since moved on from. SHE takes it personally.

One of the small parts of our move has everything to do with this scenario. We’re moving on from the church ministry job that I absolutely love and have no problems with because I goofed up and shared too many LITTLE frustrations with her. No need for all that.

You might be thinking, “well, maybe your wife should learn to handle things more patiently and better than she has…” and while I’m sure there is a small bit of truth to that, she is THE MOST patient, sweetest, beautiful soul of a person that I have ever known.

It basically comes back to me.

By: Michael

Michael — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 13:44:47 +0000

I keep secrets when I am ask to – most of my friends know I tell my wife everything so if they want it kept from her, they tell me. If they ask me not to say anything – to be on the safe side I generally ask if it is okay to talk about it with my wife. If they say no – I don’t tell her.

On the other hand, I keep my share of secrets. For example, bible study in the AM is a meeting. Many of my life group study material are kept at work to study during lunch. My radio stations are all tuned to secular radio stations but I can tune to a Christian station by simply moving the change with a quick seek one direction or the other, etc. It is not like I hide my faith; I have a bible on my night stand, one in the car, go to church, etc. I don’t know… a secret none-the-less.

By: David

David — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 09:21:10 +0000

Like a few others here, we don’t do secrets between each other. We’re upfront about the fact that we are one, and people know they are talking to both of us if they talk to one of us.

The only secrets we keep are when planning surprise trips or something of that nature. And then it’s not a secret for long anyway.

From a ministry perspective, we pretty much do most things together anyway…so confidentiality issues don’t exist. If they did, we’d likely follow the lead you guys have done. But I can’t see us doing that at the moment. ‘Course God might have different ideas.

By: Peter Park

Peter Park — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 06:03:54 +0000

I think my wife tells me everything, but I am generally a quite person so I don’t share people’s secrets. Unless I feel there is a prayer need then I’ll tell my wife for sure.

By: lynse leanne

lynse leanne — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 23:44:38 +0000

I know i am jumping in kind of late, but we dont share the “secrets” of others. We have both been hurt by people who have abused our trust so we both have a respect for others and their confidence.

We are both involved in Jr. High and High School Ministry, so there are some things we just cant keep secret because of the nature of working with minors, but unless it is a life or death secret we dont share it. if we need advice, we ask without names.

By: Cindy Beall

Cindy Beall — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 14:43:24 +0000

Some people would disagree with you. I, on the other hand, do not.

I keep other people’s secrets a secret from my husband if they ask me to. If they tell me I can share, then I do. After all, it’s THEIR secret, not mine. Plus, to be quite honest, my husband only has the emotional energy to deal with one woman…why would I burden him with the traumas and stories of more women? Ahem.

By: leannthomas

leannthomas — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 03:45:39 +0000

Mandy, this is a good question. Wayne and I tend to tell each other everything, BUT, we respect someone’s desire to keep things a secret. It’s not often, but a few times I have had a friend tell me something and specifically ask me not to tell a soul. I kept that secret, because that’s how I would want to be treated, also. I figure, it’s not my news to tell.

By: Tyler

Tyler — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 01:26:32 +0000

i certainly don’t think one way is wrong and the other is right but my wife and I do try and tell each other everything. Sometimes details get left out but we do our best to make sure each other knows. Now and then I can definitely see a case where the privacy of a friend is more important than making sure your spouse knows everything, but for me, those times are not often. Good question.

By: Mark Thomas

Mark Thomas — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 20:24:06 +0000

Judi and I share basically everything. We withhold accountability stuff that our close friends have told each of us in confidentiality but otherwise we’re completely open with each other unless someone specifically asked me not to tell Judi and the said information doesn’t affect her.

Being in ministry ourselves, we approach what we do as a team and everyone that we mentor and disciple understands that. On the other hand, if I’m mentoring a teenage male and we discuss “guy stuff” and problems that are fairly exclusive to males then that’s something I won’t necessarily disclose to Judi but it’s not really a “secret” I’m keeping from her. If she asks what we talked about I say “guy stuff/issues”.

99% of our friends are mutual friends so we pretty much find those things out together, and neither of us have any personal opposite-sex friends, that’s a huge no-no in our book.