About being happy…

Some days I’m happy.

Some days I’m not.

Oftentimes, this depends on how much sleep I’ve gotten, or whether or not there’s any chocolate in the apartment, or if my hormones are behaving themselves.

In the midst of those “no sleep” days or “mad crazy hormonal stay-away-from-me” days, I sometimes remember that there are people in the world who don’t even have time to ask themselves if they are happy, much less pursue personal happiness.

Like war refugees. Or single moms. Or children hauled off into sex slavery. Or dads who have been laid off. Or … well… you get the picture.

So, back to my happiness.

I think, especially as an American, I’ve been brainwashed to believe that I have a basic human right to be happy: “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

But, this is an American promise. Not a God-given promise. And NOT a world-given promise…

Drew and I face some life-changing decisions over the next few months. And, I’ve got to be honest, our “happiness” is on the list of factors. But is that even the right question to be asking???

Sometimes, I think I contribute to others’ suffering by justifying my actions in the name of “happiness.” Justifying my new house plants. Extra time with my husband. My vacation. Wanting to move back home in Georgia. My dream of a screened in front porch… Instead of giving money to charity, helping the widows and orphans, supporting social justice, serving in an area of the country that could use some more Love and morality.

Because, there’s nothing wrong with being happy… right…?

As a human being, I’m entitled, right??

Right...?

If others, who are less fortunate, had the opportunity to have their own screened in porch, or live closer to family, they’d do that, too, right…?

Or wrong?

59. A Minor Experiment

Welcome to one of the weirdest songs I’ve ever done… A few weeks ago I played around on my guitar until I happened upon this interesting sounding theme. Then I asked myself which genre or style of music would it best fit? I didn’t really get an answer from myself, so I decided to experiment with different styles.

This is what came of it:

Which style do you like best?

I’m glad I’m not a movie star.

Sometimes, when I’m watching a movie where there’s a kissing scene (or a kissing + other stuff scene) I think: “I’m so glad I’m not in the movies. I don’t know how they do all that without it going somewhere mentally where it shouldn’t go.”

Do you get what I’m saying?

Anyway. Yeah. I’m SO glad I’m not in the movies. And I’m glad Drew’s not in the movies. Because, seriously, I don’t want either of us kissing some other person – even if there are 4 lights, 3 cameras, and a film crew standing around watching…

Thoughts?

Tell ME what to do.

I used to tell people what to do. I mainly did this when I thought I knew what was best for them, which was – unfortunately – a frequent occurrence.  To perpetuate this bossiness, my behavior was reinforced by others who told me I was good at giving advice… Wise… An old soul…

This had such a huge influence on my life that I planned to go into counseling, to spend all my workings hours telling people what to do. Little did I know, a good counselor actually listens more than she talks. She asks more than she advises. She lets the person make their own decisions.

About two and a half years ago, I decided that I didn’t want to tell people what to do anymore. I  also didn’t want to spend all of my day listening to others’ drama, which – as I said before – is what a good counselor does.

Since I made this decision, my life has been much calmer. But something interesting happened.  I found many internal issues that I’ve needed to address within myself (surprise surprise). I can no longer ignore just how undeniably messed up I am – and how, until I get my own personal life on track, its’ not wise for me to tell anyone else what to do.

Until then, I’m only going to tell me what to do