When five feels like one hundred…
I knew this day was coming, but I didn’t think it’d happen so soon.
In fact, I’ve done a number of things to prepare for it. And now, even though I’m way ahead of schedule. Even though I have a handful of half-written songs that I could pull from right now. And even though I have some song ideas in the back of my mind that I really believe in.
Even with all that, I’ve hit that place in 2009 where the mere thought of writing (what will likely be a really crappy song) makes me want to cry.
(And, let’s just be honest, everything makes me want to cry right now.)
My heart pounds at the thought of typing this: I don’t want to write.
I don’t want to. I don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t.
I think it’s the swirling spinning stormy combination of all the excitement in my life. blah blah I’m not complaining. I genuinely AM excited about life and what’s before us. I just need a nap. A nap that’ll last about 4 days, because, well, there’s a lot going on. (This is the part where I remind myself that “negative stress affects us in the same way that positive stress does.”)
I’ve got 5 songs staring me in the face. FIVE. And the 95 behind me are doing nothing to contribute to any creative momentum I once had…
The pen feels heavy.
My brain moves like molasses.
These 5 feel as impossible as the 100 I started with.
5 to go.
Piece of cake, right?
My advice…take the rest of Nov. off. Rest. Be thankful for the 95. Don`t write. Then, finish the last 5 in Dec. when you`ll need a break from packing and everything else.
Do you know how nervous that makes me? The whole idea of putting it off ’til my life is in even more chaos? I’m not saying it’s a bad suggestion… I’m just saying the thought of checking out for a week & a half just freaks me out.
Tempting, though. REALLY tempting…
funny. i was gonna suggest the same thing.
Yes, but you did a whole album in one day, so you know that you can do five songs in a month. And you’re not the type to just procrastinate and not finish this project. You’re not at a loss for ideas, you’re just burned out. Understandably, since you have almost six weeks left, but only five songs. It’s just my two cents, but I think you need to give yourself permission to put everything away for a short amount of time.
Do you know how hard that permission is? I think I’d rather write 5 crappy songs… But, I don’t think it’s possible for me to write at all right now…
JR: interesting. I like you both.
Yes, I do. That’s why I suggest it. The permission is necessary. A true break can’t happen unless you give yourself permission to take it. There’s a time to push through, but there’s also a time to rest. What does Drew think? Often, our men know what we need better than we do!
He says I should write them all this week & then blow the entire month of December. Tempting…
Both ideas are tempting.
How about trying a lullaby? Since you’re already feeling tired maybe the words will come easily? And who doesn’t love a dreamy tune that can help us all get some rest during this crazy time of year. Nothing deep, just lovely and sleep inducing. And they are legit too – don’t your remember Billy Joel’s famous lullaby (Goodnight, my Angel)? And I know there are many more. Or not…
Hey. Thank you, Ingrid! I think one of my half-songs is a lullaby, actually.
Maybe write a funny Hector song about writer’s block so you can get your frustrations out, and that will leave you space for the ones just waiting to burst out…
…. I’m digging this…
Have you got one done yet? Only four left right ??
nope. sitting steady at 95
Two done now only three to go ?? (smile) I don’t think procrastinating (taking a break) is the answer. God has the answer. This time – right now – may be when He knows you are at your best – in Him – really search your soul Mandy. The prayers that He has answered for me – that I remember the most – was when the answers seemed so distant.
But I don’t think I’m at my best, Papa…
Papa will pray for you tonight with mama. We will pray that above all things that you see Him working in your life – whether writing or not – make that your #1 desire. Love you Mandy!
Thank you Papa & Mama
Piece of your granny’s poundcake that is…
haha
It’s the final-stretch-of-the-marathon-fatigue.
Only problem is, no-one’s staring down behind you about to take over if you let it slip. No one’s even close.
However…my advice would be…try not to take a break for the next week, because I’ve been in the “I’ll do it when I need a break from X” place, and it just doesn’t happen. We need a driver. Completing the goal is very often that driver, but when there’s no-one else there with you, fatigue sets in…
My advice…
1. write about writers block – the heavy pen, the molasses brain. Seriously, at least half your blog posts are song seeds
2. the lullaby idea is really sweet too. A twist might be to write it for Drew or something, rather than a child like most of them are.
3. I join with Gitz – can’t get enough Hector
4. A song called 99 is essential to all the great songwriting canons
5. I gave you a (hopefully) cool idea for a Christmas song. The reason I like it for you is primarily that a male wrote Breath of Heaven for a woman to sing. You could write a song from Joseph’s perspective, written as a female, but for a man to sing – the companion piece.
I do believe that’s 5 songs
Too easy, right? You’re welcome
haha. thanks.
I’m not at a loss for ideas. I’m at a loss for completing those ideas.
But, thanks for more ideas – and for agreeing with Gitz.
I second this. Notion. The wall. If you need some funny creative inspiration I recommend Run Fat Boy Run. It won’t win an oscar, but there’s one scene in it at the end where he hits the wall. I love it.
Actually, this might not inspire you to write at all, but it is a good scene. Ha.
I have no idea why I put a period after second.
Go Mandy, go! You can do it! I believe in you! You are in the single digits. You are gonna make it! Yeah for Mandy!
Here are some sets of rhyming words that might trigger some melodic genius.
Green
Mean
Spleen
Serene
Tureen
Kah-ching
Spiraling
Galloping
Trailing
Following
Hair pick
Cows lick
Picnic
Traffic
Morphatrick (made up words totally count)
Porous
Chorus
Bore us
Taurus
For us
Jeer
Spear
Hear
Fear
Cheer
Love ya, cuz. You are SO going to do this.
Thanks cuz!!! although I’m going to have to look up some of those words you used…
i’ve had writers block for about a year…. i feel ya.
i’m sure your’s wont last so long.
i do know stress is the enemy of creativity… so, sarah might be on to something.
but, holy cow…. you wrote 95 songs this year. that’s completely amazing.
“stress is the enemy of creativity”
I think you just answered all my questions. Right then & there. Thank you.
Only because I love you…I am willing to say this: These songs are not about you! You know that…you’ve shared that with me. The stress comes from OUR circumstances. Though you are the writer, these songs are not yours. They are for others…because they are for others, take time to shift your perspective a little. There is a 15 year old boy fighting for his life in Florida – some kids he knew poured alcohol on him and set him on fire, families are struggling with loved ones killed, kids are being taken and sold into slavery…oh, and I met a man on Saturday who had his leg blown off in Iraq. Your songs are for them…you know this! Be still and know that He is God. Psalm 46:10…yes, my beautiful friend, you are stuck…but, what if today was your last day? Take a breath and read “The Noticer” by Andy Andrews….then pick up your pen…then, I give you permission to slap me!!! I love you…I REALLY, REALLY do!!!
Ducking your swing,
Resting with you,
Lisa
To answer your question, if today was my last day? Then I would’ve worked 7.5 hrs. Recorded vocals on my lunch break for a song I’m demo-ing to the publisher man. Gone to the gym after work. Cooked dinner. Gone to a worship committee meeting at my church. Come home and double-checked that I had everything ready for worship at our chapel service tomorrow. Then collapsed into bed. Barring an unforeseen miracle, today will not be a songwriting day. If today is my last day, then I’ll go down in history as the woman who wrote 95 songs in 10 1/2 months.
The “take a breath” is the thing I’m desperate to do. THAT is what I need. Inhale before exhaling, right?
Will look up that book. Thank you for referring it. Love you & hope you and your beautiful family are doing well.
Mandy, I believe in you. I believe in God IN you. I believe you can do this.
i’m proud of you, my friend.