I presented this song during our Songwriter’s Circle last night. They provided some interesting feedback, which made me wonder:
What would YOU think about this?
No eternal tone
will sing my soul
without the ietting go.No joy in the pain
by faith sustained
without the letting go.I will bring
this mystery
of letting go.
the letting go.no forsaken sin
taken from my hands
without the letting go.No pardon or peace
within my reach
without the letting go.I will bring
this mystery
of letting go.
The letting go.I surrender.
I surrender.
I’m letting go.
Letting go
for you.
First impression:
Love anything in compound meter (3,6, etc) so I immediately connected there.
It took me about 10 seconds to realize it WAS compound. I think I couldn’t hear the guitar enough. But that’s more of a mix issue.
Tone of song: Generally speaking I connected. I was intrigued by the lyrics on first pass. trying to figure out what you were saying. There is a mysterious vibe about your lyrics in this one. At least to me. Took me to the chorus to “get” what you were talking about. If that’ what you intend then great, if not, I’m not sure.
I felt the chorus was a little awkward.
“I will bring this mystery of letting go”
Something feels kind of awkward about it. I don’t know if it’s grammar or the use of “of” or even the use of “bring this mystery of”
Other than that, I love the bridge(?) – the I surrender part. That almost feels more like a chorus to me.
The verses are solid in my opinion.
Thanks Russ!
I’d call the “bridge” a Chorus. I’d call the “chorus” a pre-chorus or Faux-Chorus (haha) – it’s kinda a head-fake bc the heart of the song is in “I surrender…” but we can’t sing that part without going through the entirety of the verses. At least, that’s what I think.
I’m a fan of the “I will bring this mystery” right now – but I need to walk away from the song for a few weeks, then hit play again – let my ears hear it for the first time. I anticipate more will be clear then.
Thanks for your input. Always!
I’m definitely a fan of the CONCEPT of “bring this mystery of letting go” too
But somehow the realist in me doesn’t know how one could BRING a mystery of letting go. I guess that’s where I trip up a little.
I think the concept of the mystery of letting go is SOLID. It’s the bringing of the mystery that I don’t get. How do you bring a mystery?
Other ways to word?
Like I said before I listened to this several times and the concept of the song (especially in the verses and in the I Surrender part) really resonates with me, it’s just that one line.
Keep it up!
dangit… I’m gonna work on the lyrics. Maybe I can add the “how” to the lines after “I surrender”??
But about the mystery – I thought that was an appropriate description for the verses – that we can’t have something until we let go of something. Left it open-ended so worshippers would put their own lives in the song…
Maybe it ended up too vague.
The second verse, to me, is stronger than the first. In fact, I would use it as the first! (hands >reach> letting go)
I got the chills on the chorus. as it is. Maybe could be stronger. “I will bring”> I think I know what you mean here, but make it even stronger, I don’t know, something like “I will seek”.
Nice to listen to in the quiet-time hours.
Interesting! I’m not emotionally attached to the order of the verses – well, except that I thought the phrase “no eternal tone” was a great lead in – drawing people into the song. ?? I dunno.
I LOVE the idea of “I will seek” – really – even more effective. I may change it to that!!
i love the way you continually risk by putting yourself out there. challenges me.
i really like the song — and the “i surrender” parts are my favorite. so, so good!
i’m with russ on the phrase “bring this mystery of letting go” — maybe it’s just that i don’t understand what it means, though.
Consensus speaks! dangit.
Any suggestions for improvement?
i really like the phrase “mystery of letting go” — it’s the “bring” that seems confusing to me.
I think I wrote this song with you in mind. I think.
scratch the “bring” – I like Probst’s idea of “Seek”
i like “seek” too.
and… really? it’s a “me” song for sure.
yes. really. I think….
you think? hmmm… and here i thought you were all self-aware…
forgetfulness is only slightly akin to unawareness. dangit
sadly, i suffer from both.
i actually like this song.
almost as is.
i’m not a producer tho so i couldn’t really tell you what i feel could be added.
nothing is really missing, though i know there are probably things that could add a lot to it.
like russ, i love compound meters, too.
but unlike russ, i like the “bring the mystery” part. cuz i totally get that.
okay, i haven’t had my coffee yet…some of that was kinda confusing…
i meant to say. “wow, this song sounds great just like it is. i’m sure you could go ahead and produce the heck out of it till it becomes even better, but nothing really sounds missing.”
does that make sense? haha…
The comment(s) were perfect!
Thank you. Interesting that you “get that” about the mystery stuff… Which way to go? Which way to go?!
Can you elaborate on how one would “bring a mystery?”
I’ve got some ideas. Just not enough!
I’ve been listening to one soundtrack non-stop for the last month. This is the first song not on that soundtrack that I’ve listened to in its entirety…and more than once
I really like it. Love the “I surrender” part as well. And I love that it begins and ends with “No eternal tone…”
Thanks Marisa!!! I feel honored that I helped you pull away from that soundtrack with my song.
I enjoyed the song Mandy, especially the very stirring finsh.
I agree with Russ and Alece that the chorus seems a little awkward.
The phrase “letting go” is used to end every verse. It’s in the chorus twice. It might sound more interesting (?) to change the third line “of letting go” to some other description of the theme of the song.
I agree. Now, to figure out what that phrase may become???
Maybe it s verbage, wording thing that these commenters are seeing.. but like I strongly said last night.. I LOVE THE CHORUS… The mystery of letting go.. I SOOOOOOOO connected with that, please don’t let it go.. especially since it’s what came out of you initially. Ile go to bat for that line. I think there could be a minor reworking that would enhance he song without changing the words.
Minor reworking? Any suggestions?
Thank you for your defense.
These guys are amazing to give me feedback – and usually everyone agrees on what is “wrong” with the song… This time is suprisingly different. Mixed consensus. Interesting.
What if you tried singing:
“And I will know the mystery, of letting go, when i let go.”?
Just a suggestion. LOVELY song!
Nice idea Jose! I’ll scratch that down as a possibility… Thanks for stopping by.
I liked this a lot.
Thanks Keri!!! Love you!
Sounds a lot, I mean a lot, like something that Jennifer Knapp would write. I think the melody may almost BE something she wrote, not sure
Maybe it’s just that you sound a good deal like Jennifer. That’s a compliment 
Chord progression bothers me, though, it’s too predictable. It sounds like a chord progression that begs for a song to be written over it, but it also sounds like a chord progression that a million songs have been written over.
In other words, I feel like the lyrics are more special than a generic chord progression conveys. It’s a song about mystery. Get some mystery in the music.
Now I feel like I’m insulting you, so forgive that, but as a songwriter, I know it’s easy for folks to say “HEY THAT’S GOOD” to keep from “hurting your feelings”. Pretty sure you get some of that, but I think you’re a strong girl and you can handle something constructive. I hope I’m appropriately constructive
—goes back to hole to avoid flaming arrows of death from Mandy’s fans—
Bernard: Don’t worry about apologizing for giving me what I asked for.
Feedback is MORE than welcome here, and at the end of the day, I still hold writer-privilege – so I don’t have to do what y’all tell me to. 
I agree – the progression is simple – although I’m not sure if that’s a major major distraction. I wrote this as a corporate worship song – and those (chordally and melodically) should be “simple”. Even having said that, I’m going to think through other possible progressions/modifications that could add some texture and mystery to the tone. The way I see it, it could only improve! Any suggestions?
With the intention of it being a public worship song, obviously you want it to be easy to sing and easy to remember, so don’t go all augmentedly diminished sixth, or anything, but you might find some inspiration for a little more mysterious sound in an alternate tuning or even just changing keys.
I guess the G to D/F# (assuming my ear is right) is what sounds most “tired” to me, and it’s right on “mystery”, where I think the one “odd chord” in the song should be, to emphasize it. Keep the prog the same everywhere else, but that’s the spot that needs color.
I’ll sit down with a Bm or Am (instead of D/F#) and see what happens!
Thanks for taking the time, Bernard.
How about making it the minor 5, instead of the major 5 (0f that chord).
The 5 of your scale in the key of G is D. Make that chord a minor instead of the typical major.
G to a Dm sounds pretty mysterious and non-normal…that is unless you sing the revelation song all the time. That has the same I to v move.
It’s actually one of my favorite chord progressions. It’s just hard to find the right places for…Jennie Lee Riddle seemed to nail it!
BRILLIANT YOU ARE!
See? THIS is why collaboration needs to be on my calendar asap.
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