I’ve been thinking about pain a lot lately. Thinking about my pain. About how I hate facing it. About how others face their pain. About how we want to avoid it. Hide it. Not deal with it.
Granted, I’m speaking in terms of emotional pain. Even though I have known times of intense physical pain- pain so bad that it made me sick to my stomach. I have. I’ve also known emotional pain that brings a degree of nausea with it.
Both can affect me in similar ways.
Both come with their own mix of “impossible.”
Both are hard to face.
I can’t help but wonder which pain is worse: Physical or emotional?
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Nobody wants to hear about emotional pain. We’ll sympathize, to a certain extent, with physical pain, but we are expected to be buck up and bear emotional pain without bothering everybody about it.
People who suffer emotionally are considered weak.
You make an excellent point. One I hadn’t considered yet.
Why is emotional pain considered a sign of weakness? I mean, sometimes we can’t control emotional pain any more than physical pain. In fact, with modern medicine, it’s easier to control physical pain. Even counselors and alcohol can’t make some emotional pain go away. ie: grief.
No morphine with emotional pain (unless you succumb to escapist measures like drugs/alcohol). I suppose I should say no ‘healthy’ morphine with emotional pain. And unless your physical pain is chronic pain, there’s usually a light at the end of the tunnel.
Based on these assumptions/facts, I think emotional pain is harder to bear.
Ditto, Stacey. Ditto
I’d much rather deal with physical pain, the scars seem to fade much quicker. Emotional pain leaves scars that take decades to heal. Scars that affect other areas of our life that we’re not affected to begin with. Emotional pain can cause us to lose trust which then takes much time to be restored.
I’d rather have a 2×4 to the head than someone ever hurt my heart.
This is the EXACT opposite of what someone told me last night. They said they’d rather have the broken heart than the broken body. Interesting.
In my secrets, I’ve been dealing with what the doctors say are cluster migraines. Migraines that literally overlap each other. I’m on day 65. Yes 65. Although, dr’s have no cure and can only just medicate me until the migraines go back into remission; I’d rather be vomiting, hooked up to IV’s, and upped with meds, then be “labeled” with someone with emotional pain. Cuz, like Bernard said it’s labeled as a weakness. How can I be a leader, professional, a mom and have emotional hurts? People will come to your side for the flu or a broken bone. But if I am unstable??
Why do we not sympathize with emotional pain?? wow, what a heart question for me today.
loving you, friend. and praying for you always.
i have to say, despite being able to empathize with the physical, I probably feel more strongly drawn to empathize with those in emotional pain. i think because my mom has struggled for so many years with depression, and i’ve seen how much pain that can cause, it’s incredibly real to me. it’s so intense because emotions often leave us with less ability to choose our reactions than physical pain does.
Oh Gitz. You have no idea the impact you have on all of us.
“Emotions often leave us with less ability to choose our reactions than physical pain does.”
Absolutely profound. Absolutely.
Oh Sara,
Loving you too friend.. Thank you for the prayers..
But mostly, thank you for ALL the insight that you brought in this comment extravanganza, so heart needed and encouraging and eye opening.
You have a great perspective on this, H…. Wow… And I think leaders who show any bit of “weakness” are tainted, at least in the eyes of their followers. Sometimes. But, I’d say that not everyone would ditch the leader that may be struggling with depression or something. I think there are some of us who are ok with leadership that struggles. I hope I’m one of those followers. And, I also hope I’ll be the type of leader who’s not afraid to show the struggles.
me too M… me too
I think that as followers we need to understand that our leaders are just like us and struggle and have moments of depression and pain just like we do. I think we tend to elevate them to a place where we think they don’t struggle and don’t endure pain. Even Jesus dealt with pain physically and emotionally.
I’d rather have a leader that is up front with a struggle so their followers can pray, gather round them, etc. rather than hide their weakness and destroy their ministry.
I agree. And I think it’s important for the followers to know that Christian leaders don’t have it all together. This will alleviate a LOT of misperceptions about what it means to be a healthy faithful Christian.
I totally AGREE and know where you both are coming from. But here’s a point. If I tell my staff day in and day out that I have a migraine and please pray, after the 65 day it would montenous (spelling?) I am open with my leaders and my key personnel and when needed I open the WHOLE story up to others.
It’s important for leaders to be real.
Yes, they’ll have pain both emot and physical; and they need to be open for people to lay hands on them and pray. BUT I also think we need to use wisdom in it too. I think it’s a better story or testimony of God’s glory when they see that you went thru this trial yearning for his robe instead of yearning for people to make you feel good.
I want to be healed like everyone else, but I am also happy that God is refining me in this storm with a little help from the pharmacy. Because I can be a better leader in that.
I agree. I don’t think it’s healthy, leader or not, to constantly and continuously dwell on pain… Leaders acknowledge that it’s there, but don’t stare at it all day. The exemplify the life that moves past it. Moves through it. Moves on. Be real, but not engrossed. Showing the testimony that God can/will bring us through somehow. The real example is how to keep living in spite of the pain.
I think that maybe(from my own experiences) the worst pain is the emotional pain that comes from watching someone close to you in extreme physical pain. I remember my mom telling me before I gave birth to Lizzie that although the pain is intense, God takes you to another place, almost as if you are watching it, but not feeling it. I believe the same happens with the pain of dying. It is those that aren’t taken to that place, I believe, that suffer the deepest pain. I don’t know if that makes sense, considering I am suffering the “pain” of a head cold and am coming off a night of Nyquil, but hopefully you understand what I am trying to get at.
I get you. I totally get you. Thanks for your honesty, Steph.
Even when physical pain doesn’t fade, I’d still choose it over the emotional pain. Not the little things… but the big ones: betrayal, judgement, intense loss… they can immobilize the spirit, which is more limiting than physical immobility.
That being said, both types of pain are inevitable. And both types of pain are ones that can make us grow stronger if we keep ourselves focused on the One who knows all, sees all and loves us through it all.
Totally agree.
I was looking forward to your response more than anybody’s. Thank you for taking the time, friend…
Love you muchly.
Emotional pain by far is worse than physical.
The reason we don’t sympathize more with emotional pain is simple: we don’t want to face our own pain.
Its a viscous cycle, one we need to break in order to move on.
I don’t say this as someone who doesn’t have any emotional pain( we all do) but as someone who has recognized he had some, has some, and will have more. But with Jesus, I will be able to stand in the victory He bring.
WOW.
I predicted the men-folk would prefer emotional pain over physical.
Y’all are surprising me.
i’ve had both intense physical pain and intense emotional pain. i have both. and hands down, i would choose physical hurt over emotional any day.
it’s easier to medicate. (even when that’s insufficient, it feels like i’m at least somewhat controlling or managing it. hmmm…) and it’s easier to understand. (even when it’s unexplainable pain, the i’m more able to grasp the cause/effect than i can with emotional wounds.)
God’s placed eternity in my heart. which maybe explains why heartache feels so deep that it touches my soul. i know emotional pain won’t last forever, but i feel it in that forever-deep part of me.
and i think even with His healing, there are aspects of emotional pain that will linger. always.
That makes a lotta sense. That emotional pain touches the more eternal side of you – your soul.
But, don’t forget, He promises that there will be no tears in heaven. Something to look forward to!
I would say, the worst pain is the one that doesn’t end. Emotional or physical. Pain can subside or disappear when there is “injury”. Both emtionally and physically. But when someone is dealing with chronic pain, it affects everything in life. It changes the person. And very often, it determines how life can be lived out.
So, in this, I see physical pain being worse. Because it may become chronic, but emotional pain always has a chance to heal.
You and Drew would get along just fine. He seems to think along your lines.
Until Tam and I kicked you both in the shins.
Ha. But that pain would go away. So I’d allow that
I agree and disagree. I haven’t had a break from pain in years. Mine fluctuates between really awful and wanting to beat my head against the wall until I’m unconscious. In other words, I have chronic pain.
It is torture and exhausting… but the emotions that come with it are what makes it harder.
It’s the dread of having to wake up the next day, if sleep is even possible. It’s the grief over a life that was dreamed of and lost. It’s the anger over stupid decisions to do things I know I am incapable of, and trying anyway. It’s the sadness of being isolated and alone. It’s the emotional pain that is derived from the physical that can be more paralyzing than the fact I can’t move from the couch.
I’m not diminishing the physical. It can literally make me feeling like I’m losing my grip on reality at times. But the physical causes the emotional … and that is an exhausting toll. It’s when my mind is able to align with my heart so I can make the choice to smile that I start coping. It’s in faith that my emotions are in check… and only then can I deal with the physical hurdles in front of me.
Does that make any sense?
It makes sense to me. Sara, I agree with you. Emotional pain in and of itself is harder to deal with and manage than physical pain. the immediate effects are often overwhelming and completely affect everyday life. But, as you’ve said, the emotional pain you speak of would not exist if you did not have your physical pain. In other words, its your physical pain that is causing your emotional hurt.
Sara, you are special. In an amazing way (not a short bus kind of way
. You have found this balance in life and have taken control of every aspect you can, to live your life with a smile. And its not a fake one. Its real. I am so inspired by you everyday. I’ve watched so many deal with Chronic physical pain and Ive seen it absolutely destroy them. This kind of pain, for most, will never cease while on this earth. I know for me, I would have a very hard time being as brave as you are.
Id take the emotional pain, cause it has a chance to heal.
You’re right… some of the emotional wouldn’t be here if the physical didn’t exist.
I think the point we’re maybe all missing in this discussion [me included, until right now] is that both types of pain bring growth. And that growth, in the end, is the thing we often wouldn’t trade.
When people tell me they couldn’t do what I do, my response is often, “You just haven’t had to prove it yet.” After writing that post for (in)courage yesterday, what I wish I could go back and add as an answer to may questions is that WE DON’T HAVE TO KNOW THE WHY. So many are saying that they can’t see the good coming from the pain. My answer is that it’s not our job to know. It’s God’s. It’s just our job to trust that, whether we see it or not, he brings beauty from the ashes. Maybe it’s not supposed to be beauty in my life. Maybe it will bring beauty to someone I’ll never meet. My job is simply to trust Him. To go through the physical and emotional pain and embrace the peace of knowing that He is taking care of it.
It requires surrender, and that’s hard. But surrender isn’t giving up. I haven’t given up on healing. I haven’t given up on the idea that I might get worse. I’ve simply given up on the idea that I have any control over it… and then idea that I WANT any control.
It’s not about how bad the pain is. It’s about how good our God is.
wow. I inworship’d a couple times in there just for you, Brent…
Amen! And I consider the “inworshipping” an honor
I have to say that I’m going to defer to you as the resident pain expert.
Whatever you say goes around here, even though we’ll let Brent share. He doesn’t come around often, so I’m gonna try not to run him off!
Thanks Mandy
ANYTIME!! hehe
Hey Brent, You may not catch this… but I read your comment along with everyone else’s here. This one sticks out:
I actually have come to accept that my emotional pain may never heal in this world. It will, baring a miracle from God, remain with me much like debilitating, chronic physical pain remains with others. If God would allow it, which of course he doesn’t, I would trade in this emotional pain for the worst physical pain out there. In this sense, my emotional pain has helped me understand Jesus’ sacrifice a little bit more.
I prefer physical pain. Though, each month, when I have intense physical pain, I do curse Eve.
But! Guess what?! There is a Healer, and He can fix both the physical AND emotional ailments life brings! Not only can He, but He does!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(i’m a DORK.)
Oh Steph I so sympathize with the monthly physical pain.
GITZ:
(Starting a new string here)
Why don’t you want control anymore?
1. Because I never had it in the first place. I had an illusion of it that made me feel like I had some sort of power. I couldn’t see it then, but I see it very clearly now.
2. Because I don’t have His wisdom… I don’t have His all-seeing eye that knows how the world works as one great entity. Which means I don’t know what is best for the greater good. I’d love to be healed, but not if it means that some other life will be worse off because of it. Only He knows the answer to that.
3. Because my life is more peaceful. Because I don’t have angst over MY choices anymore. I still have choices to make, but I place them in His hands. And I know that if I go with what I truly believe He wants from me, then I’ll get through. Even if it’s a stormy path… He’s got it under control. He’s in the center of the storm. I’m safe. Difficulties in life are nothing compared to the peace of knowing He has it all taken care of.
4. Because I trust Him.
(Thank you for continuing this convo – and forgive me for being so blunt…)
How do you trust Him, if He could’ve stopped this from happening to you?
You know, that question makes me think of Job every time. Everyone talks about Job like God did something horrible to him. God didn’t do it… he just didn’t stop it. I don’t think God did this horrible thing to me… He just hasn’t stopped it. But He loves me, He comforts me, He brings me goodness in the midst of the trouble.
How many times has a parent let a child make their own mistakes? And still provide the love and comfort and goodness to walk the road with them? It’s what a loving parent does.
The thing is, we screwed up the whole perfect-world-garden-of-Eden thing because He gave us the gift of free will to choose for ourselves. He could have made us want nothing else but to serve Him, but that lacks love. Because love is a choice. He loves us, and all He wanted in return is for us to choose to love Him back by being faithful to Him.
Free will put my life in this position. And still, all He wants from me is to choose to love Him and be faithful to Him. Some see that as too much… to give up control in order to love Him. What they don’t realize is the freedom that comes from loving and trusting Him.
I trust Him, because long before the choice was before Him to take away this disease, he earned my trust by hanging on a cross. Enduring pain I can never imagine because He loves me beyond condition. It’s not about keeping score of what could be done for whom… it’s simply about love.
I think free will plays a huge part in my disease:
Read this post: http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com/2009/01/free-will.html
And then this one: http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com/2009/01/spiritual-gifts.html
They should answer it better than I’m doing here…
I guess another way of saying it is this: I trust you. You’ve done nothing specific to earn that trust… I simply do because I love you. It’s part of the deal. I’m quite sure I will make a decision you will disagree with someday. Perhaps you will make one I disagree with. But you will have your reasons, and so will I. And because I love you, I will continue to trust your heart.
I don’t know His reasons. But I love Him. And I trust His heart.
Wow, Gitz. Just wow. The analogy of trusting/loving me even though I may not make decisions you agree with. I’ve NEVER thought of it like that. But ….. well …. wow.
Thank you for talking this out. Really. I’m asking for so many reasons that aren’t anywhere NEAR close to being discussed on this little blog. And I’m asking for the sake of people who aren’t even around to read this blog. But they are in my life. And they have questions. And heartaches. And it’s tough.
Your words – your struggle – have again and again helped others understand how to deal with pain.
Thank you. Love you so much!
Going to go read your blog posts right now.
Sara this right here: “Everyone talks about Job like God did something horrible to him. God didn’t do it… he just didn’t stop it.”
AWESOME.
God didn’t CAUSE Job to lose everything. God didn’t ALLOW Job to lose everything because of a lack of faith. In fact, just the opposite. IT WAS BECAUSE of Job’s faith that God allowed Satan to take everything of Job’s except his life away. Oh how that flies in the face of so many teachings that say your sick because you lack faith.
God in His perfect will (within the realm of Eden) never wanted to see you afflicted, but He has allowed it and He’s using it for His glory. To touch peoples lives. To show the world that a woman who is unable to leave her home because of chronic pain He can still use, so us who are not afflicted can see that He can use us also.
I am truly inspired by you.
Thank you, P. Since I did the guest blog yesterday, I have gotten SO MANY emails from people telling me not to believe the lie that God would want me like this… that He would leave me like this. That THEIR God would heal me if I would believe.
I know they mean well, but the God I love wouldn’t deny me healing because I didn’t ask the right way, as so many are trying to tell me. I have asked Him to use my life, good or bad, for whatever He needs. I believe He loves me enough that if I could better serve Him healthy, He’ll make me that way. If that doesn’t happen, then I can serve Him best as I am.
Either way, I don’t need to be made whole. I am whole in Him. I haven’t surrendered to illness, I have surrendered to God. So many can’t see the difference.
There’s such an important difference. I’m trying to learn how to apply that in my own life.
this is why i love you. well, one of the reasons why i love you.
Emotional pain is so much worse. Like Gitz said, as horrible as chronic pain is, it’s the emotional aspect that makes it truly tortuous. On days where I can physically get off the couch, if I can’t do so emotionally, what difference does it make?
Even though I’m still going through the diagnosis process for my chronic pain, at the end of the day, I know that one way or another, it comes down to biology. I can’t say the same for emotional pain. If I want to know the cause, I have to examine my heart.
Sometimes, it feels like those emotional hurts stem from the core of who I am. And that is so much harder to face than biology.
“On days where I can physically get off the couch, if I can’t do so emotionally, what difference does it make?”
dang girl… has anyone ever told you that you’re an old soul?
You’re the first
I love you Marisa girl…
I love you too.
Praying for some relief for you!
Totally was just shaking my head as I read the same line Mandy referred to … you are so dead on point. I hope they get the biology part figured out for you soon.
Thanks, Gitz!
i agree i agree i agree!
me three!
I have experienced intense short term pain, and now have to deal with the typical aging stuff, kness and shoulder, but no long term debilitating pain issue. From what I have experienced I would much rather deal with physical pain then the emotion pain of my childhood.
I think we can have more control over emotional pain. No matter how bad our depression gets, there is always the hope we can renew our spirit. There are several debilitang, painful, diesases for which there is no cure.
The worse condition I have ever had is a broken heart, starting with that 7th grade vixen Margret.
Oh Margret… Those names starting with “M” – trouble!!!
I love all the insight in these comments…amazing!
ive had both emotional and physical pain my whole life, in some way, shape or form.
growing up… i was physically abused, with scars on my body that remind me of it all daily. i was also emotionally neglected and abused.
the emotional was way harder for me to deal with. that was, to me, personal. thats how i saw it.
today. i live with lupus. yet, i deal with anxiety now from time to time. i dislike the anxiety way more.
i just dont like my mind messed with. i have to have my mind in tact. and when i am emotionally distraught, i feel out of control. that, to me, is so much worse.
I think it must be different for each person. For me, the emotional pain is the slowest healing… the longest pain-giver of the two. It’s my chronic pain. I don’t have a chronic physical pain with which to compare fairly. I’m going to soak in this thread later tonight. Thanks Mandy.
I would have to say physical pain (and believe me I have had my share) is easier to bear than emotional pain. I breathe through the physical pain while it seems that I tend to suffocate through the emotional pain.
The answer might depend on which one you are facing at the time.
Well hello!!!