We all know better.
We know better than to criticize a man’s wife. We know better than to speak ill of her in public. Around him. Around others.
We know that if we do, we may provoke him. He has every right to defend her. In fact, he SHOULD defend her. By love and by devotion and by the marriage vow, he has a responsibility to take care of his bride. Take care of her image. Her reputation. Protect her from those who may harm her, intentionally or unintentionally.
Whether our statement is true or not doesn’t matter. We just don’t say it.
She is his love. She is his heart. She is his truest companion. He is willing to give his life for her sake.
When we insult a man’s wife, we insult HIM.
But, why do we so quickly forget this when we speak of the Bride of Christ? When we talk about other churches? Our own church? Other Christians?
We should know better.
Great thought. I often tell my congregation, “There is only One True Church in our town; we just meet in different locations.” This keeps my judgment off the Bride as I look at other assemblies not as competitors, but as companions along the way.
Blessings,
Jim
Ooh. I’ve heard that kind of view before, but I read it with new eyes today. Eyes that needed to read that. Good thought!
Mandy, that was GREAT…just great. I needed to read that. Thanks!
Though I’m in full agreement with your statement I’m also inclined to dig deeper into it.
Hosea comes to my mind…when the God Himself “insults” His bride by calling it like it is.
I don’t see it as so much as an insult as a call to repentance.
When the “bride” is acting a fool, I think a little prophetic “insult” is necessary BUT ONLY if it’s driven by a heart of love for the Bride and ultimately poured from a heart of love for God.
That being said, all the gossip, slander, malicious talk, coarse jesting, idle words, thoughtless chatter, etc. have NO PLACE in the conversation TO and ABOUT the Bride.
Yes of course, but God did the talking in that story, and Hosea (the mouthpiece) gave this message to his own “church,” not the one down the street.
And, as you said, it was driven by love. Hosea mirrored this truth in his own marriage.
Personally, I don’t believe there is a “church” down the street. Either we all are the church or we’re not
But I get what you’re saying.
Semantics.
Well, it’s not to me. And not so much to you either if you believe we shouldn’t bad-mouth the church down the street? Why?
Because we’re all HIS. And there wasn’t a “church” down the street in the book of Hosea. The message was for Israel (all of it)!
Hehehe.
I get what you’re saying but, for clarity of point, I’m using the word in a manner that will make the most sense to my readers. In this instance, the word “church” refers to gatherings of Christians in different buildings, in varying denominations, on different city blocks.
In a perfect world, there would be no barriers, theologically or physically, between believers – and, yes, in God’s eyes, we are all His. But I’m not using God’s language to make the point of this post. I’m using man’s.
Let me reiterate that I agree with your post! It just motivated me to dig deeper!
Thank you for reminding me, Russ.
So true, Mandy. Landry and I have had numerous conversations over the pain and destruction this kind of thing causes within the body of Christ. In fact, two Sundays ago, he preached on gossip and slander. And it was tuh-uff. But it needs to be said. Thanks.
girl, I read “laundry and I….” and thought “really?!”
P.S. i don’t have my glasses on. oops. haha!
haha! it happens all the time! in fact, that’s one of his little nicknames from several of our friends. and sometimes…i like to see the questioning take place in their eyes when i say i have to go home to “do laundry”.
HILARIOUS!!!!
Hmmm…
….yes?
This is pretty much spot on with what I thought of when reading the latest on Anne Rice. Claiming that we can be have faith in Christ without being part of the bride of Christ seems to me to be extremely problematic, although I understand that all of us have things that are “wrong” about what we believe. But I really don’t like to hear this crap about “I follow Christ, but I’m not a Christian.” Don’t insult my intelligence by acting like there’s a difference that doesn’t exist. We’re either part of the bride, or we’re not.
As you now know, I have some very similar feelings, I just never looked at it like a man defending His wife.. that’s pretty stinking genius.
It gets to the point sometimes where I don’t even want to turn on the internet. It’s refreshing to read this, and helps me see that breaking my cynicism is possible, and people do think normal thoughts.
thanks.
Andy’s thoughts here: http://crucialencounter.com/2010/07/do-you/
Andy:
It’s all over the internet. And, sadly, some VERY influential Christian bloggers do this. And I’ve always wondered what God thinks about it. From the “let’s make fun of church road signs” to the “look what that stupid pastor said in his sermon” videos… All of it.
I’m not saying their points aren’t valid, I’m just saying what’s the purpose? Is it to rebuke, encourage, challenge, change? And are we going about it in the best manner? And are we speaking with reverence and love and caution, OR are we just after a laugh at the expense of God’s Bride?
i am SO glad i’m not the only one who’s been mulling over these ideas for quite a long time now. i’ve seen some of these influential bloggers do it, and i can’t help but think how little it does for the sake of the Kingdom. we used to have this goofy (but altogether challenging) saying that we used in our youth group in high school (fyi, the yungins thought of it, not the pastor…just to spare him the cheeseball label). we used to call this kind of thing “dipping from the bucket”. all of your actions and words could do one of two things for the sake of fellow christians: pour into their bucket, or dip from it. that kind of thing is definitely a dipping action.
I like this phrase – and it makes a lotta sense
if the criticisms about the bride of Christ are coming from the bride herself… is that still insult?
or is it loving accountability by christians seeking to present to Christ a pure and radiant bride?
i criticize myself at times in my marriage, and my wife’s not offended. i want to objectively look at my life and at our relationship, so that i can be the best husband possible. i think it should be the same for christians in the church.
ooooh good points!
“Is it loving accountability by Christians…?”
For the sake of everyone involved in a conversation of criticism, I hope it is loving…
mandy, i should clarify that i was thinking about the kind of criticisms i write and/or read. in all honesty and fairness, yes, i do see a lot of unproductive and hurtful criticism of the church done by “members” of that body.
Ahh, gotcha. I do think there’s a place for cautious and prayerful Godly exhortation that is meant to build up and not tear down. Full of tact and grace and love and patience and understanding. Where unity is preserved, and understanding is pursued.
hmmm… interesting.
The book I’m reading right now (The Virgin’s Lover – about Queen Elizabeth) had a part in it last night where a mans wife was being criticized. He stood up for her in a way that suggested he would KILL the person talking badly about her. But in this book, this same man wants a divorce from his wife and truthfully he cannot stand her. She annoys him, she isn’t what he wants anymore (he wants the Queen!), she doesn’t meet his expectations anymore….he is disappointed in her as his wife. I remember thinking “WOW, to have such a negative view personally of his wife, he is still careful not to disgrace her publicly and to make sure that no one else does either.” I found that amazing. While the book is historical, there are fiction elements, so maybe he didn’t REALLY do that, but still….. in those times, publicly honoring your spouse was a big deal. And now, it’s a rare person who honors their spouse 100% of the time even in flippant comments, and it’s a rare Christian who never speaks ill of “the church” or any church for that matter. Myself included. *sigh*
i love philippa gregory books! although she didn’t write them in chronological order, if you go to her website she has them listed in for you. the constant princess was really good (about katherine of aragon).
yes, I actually have that book on my shelf, yet to read it though!
Mandy – thanks for writing this today. Realy convicted me to not only guard my own tongue in the times when I’m frustrated – i.e. if I’m compelled to speak – to speak and lead with the love of Christ above all others or just keep my yap shut…
…and also to guard my heart and mind from what I allow to speak to me. Comments like those you’ve described are in wretched abundance. Not only do I want to guard myself my family, my friends from that kind of division, but I want to be courageous to rebuke it as well. As always, appreciate your writing. blessing to you!
You’re welcome, Joel.
thanks for seriously making me think this morning. sheesh.
it’s really easy to be critical, isn’t it? especially when you’ve grown up in it.
love you friend!
i’ve been wondering when i’d see this post. and i’m still so challenged by this poignant mental picture…
Well said, mandypants…. (I like it, but I feel like I gotta ask permission to use it – can I?)
Yep – thanks for asking.
Just credit me as the writer, with a link to the blog.
Well thanks lol I’ll take that as well … but I was really asking about permission to use that nickname
It felt like it was a special one btw u and Tam lol and I didn’t want to overstep 
lolol
But like I say – thanks for the permission to use it. Of course I’ll credit and link – I always do!
Wow!
I think it is healthy to analyze how we not only talk about our church and other churches, but how we think about them. I am pretty sure Jesus reads my thoughts and sometimes, isn’t happy. It’s like, I should have just said it.
Didn’t he talk about this somewhere?
I just watched a message yesterday by Perry Noble at Newspring in Anderson, SC. The title of the message was “I Heart My Chuch.” Have gave an excellent image of a bride walking down the aisle, and how no one in the crowd turns and boos & hisses at her. We’ve done that with Christ’s bride.
Granted, we aren’t perfect, we are a bunch of hypocrites, we are selfish, but we are still His bride.
Dang, he stole my blog post.
Bernard: Why do you suppose someone would “follow Christ and not be a Christian”?
[jumping in]
Christians have given Christ a bad rap…
thank you! i have felt guilty about suggesting a church other than my own to someone. not that i don’t love my church, but the other seems more like a fit for them.
I think it’s ok to say something like that. Especially if your reasoning is that it’s a better fit for them. We’re all in this together.
Take it one step further: HONOR the Church. I think it’s pretty easy to not say anything bad about something or someone. I wish we’d – instead – speak life and call life out of Her – have eyes open for Her potential – keep a look-out for where She’s not only RIGHT, but potentially ‘right’ in a way that could have a profound effect. If God’s in Her, then everywhere – in every place that He is – we will see some fruit, and sometimes as simple an act as pointing it out brings fresh life.