I have a friend who is very active and very influential and very well-known in our community. And she recently brought me a word of advice on making space in life. She was encouraged by a speaker at a conference who talked about white space–a chunk of time in your week that is set aside for yourself and your goals and your emotions and your refreshing and so forth…
And I’ve seen my friend put this practice of white space into her life. And it’s brought with it many beautiful things…
I’m sure you can guess where this is heading: There are some things I need to make space for. I need time to accomplish some important tasks. And I need silence to hear some very important Voices. And I need energy to process and say some very important things.
I need space. To think. To write. To listen. To talk.
So, this is it. Tomorrow will mark the start of two-a-weeks: Tuesdays and Thursdays (Ok. And maybe the occasional Saturday if I just can’t stand it. Dang, this is going to take major discipline to accomplish). That’s what we’ll get around here… Because, even though I value the community built here, it’s time to pull back and create some space. This blog has always reflected what’s churning in my heart, and this change is no exception. As I change, the blog changes. It’s how I stay “real” in this typed-up world. I wouldn’t want you to expect anything less from me.
And, since this typing world has been so beautifully influential in my life over the past few years, I’d love to get some feedback from you. What do you do to create space in your life? And how do you use that space?
Girl, that is a brilliant idea. I am feeling that same pull. The pressure I place on myself to come up with something wonderful to say is straining me. Thanks for sharing and hope you don’t mind if I take this idea or something akin to it.
Take whatever you want!
Hmmm. I’ll have to think about this and get back to you, which is probably not a good sign.
….
First thing that comes to mind, I unapologetically say no.
Someone else gave me the “say no” advice as well, via twitter. She said this space will create a vacuum, and I need to guard what I allow to fill it. Great advice indeed.
Sounds an awful lot like Sabbath to me.
Wellllll sorta…. I’m not actually “ceasing,” I’m just doing other things.
An excellent move Mandy.
As you are definitely aware because of our working relationship at The Chapel, I struggle mightily with the same thing, and am attempting that pulling back thang as well. It is SO hard.
I don’t know how others need to do it, but it just feels like the right thing to do for me. Someone once asked me if I had been born at another time, when would that have been? My answer was sometime long ago when people actually had the time to stop, sit on the porch to just chat and whittle on a stick. Time to do seemingly meaningless and nonproductive things and not be made to feel guilty about it. My life today is so full of expectations by others and even worse by me. If I sit still and do nothing, it feels wrong, even though I know it seems right to do so. We all know time is something we spend (meaning we do not get it back — ever), so we must invest it wisely, but wisely does not always have to be “productive”.
The Bible clearly tells us that Jesus removed himself from the crowds so many times. There needs to be more personal focus by many. Of that I am certain.
Applause, applause to you Mandy …
We don’t get it back, do we?
Thanks for the words, Dennis. Here’s to pulling back!
I have no idea how to do that… thanks for the reminder.
You’re welcome!
i’ve been trying to figure out how to create white space in my world too. i need it. i’m in a season where i am never alone. with me homeschooling the kiddos now it’s all, or…all
don’t get me wrong, i love them with all my heart. it’s not about them. it’s about me…being refreshed, being reflective, having the time to be, at least. alone.
hmmm. quiet. sounds good.
Hope you can find that… somehow. somewhere.
Jake and I just had this conversation last night. Or rather, I sat there hysterical and he listened.
There is not one single thing in my life that I do purely for my own enjoyement. Not one. I am with the boys 24/7….. well, they are at Awana’s on Sunday for 2 hours but I’m grocery shopping or doing something else for the benefit of someone else, instead of enjoying it for me. There is no “me” time in my life. I think that’s why I get stuck on the computer for so long…..once I’m here I stay because I can forget about everything else around me. But it’s still there when I get off…. and always in worse shape than I left it in.
Because of this lack of time for myself, I feel like I’m FAILING in every othe aread. Every single thing I’m doing, I feel this overwhelming sense of failure…. I haven’t been able to come up for air.
SO, our solution….actually HIS solution…. was for me to go to the gym 3x a week, and he’d do what he needed to make sure I go. Why the gym? Because I’m eating like a hog, which is totally what I do when I’m unhappy and stressed. Also because I used to love my gym time, and haven’t had any for 5 years. 5 YEARS. So, starting tomorrow, he’s forcing me to go.
I hope it works, because if not, my other options aren’t so appealing. We’re trying this before I decide to go back on my anti-depressants….which I’ve been off of for almost 2 years. *sigh*
oh… haha… my “white space” I guess would be the gym away from all of my responsibilities and things that stress me out.
Gym time will amp up your happy chemicals as well. I think this is a good plan for so many reasons. And you can pack your iPod with whatever you want. And maybe they have a masseuse or sauna thingy or hot tub that you can just sit in and relax. Girl…. Soak it up. And yay for Jake doing whatever it takes to help you. I love men that wanna fight for their ladies’ hearts.
Do it.
It’ll change your world.
You’re right. Already changed!
hmmm, white space. i will give it a try.
Do! And tell me how it goes.
was thinking more about this today….
I need to have days where I don’t answer my phone. It rings allthetime and it makesmecrazy and it is SO distracting. One phone call can ruin my day, and the phone call could be great… but take up too much time or get me too side tracked.
Yes, I do believe I should do that…..
I really think the constant mental assaults demanding my attention have really done something to my brain. I’m serious. I think the inability to concentrate, and the constant necessity of ignoring stimuli has broken my brain. I’m finding more and more ways to stop those distractions from being constant, but it takes REAL effort on my part. This new blog season is one of those changes.
I unplugged my phone last night. It rang SO MUCH… literally, finish a call and put it down, it’d ring again. This happened about 4x in a row and I finally let the machine get it…only for it to be someone asking to do to something RIGHT THEN because it was CRUCIAL and time sensitive. I *might* have started cursing like a sailor as I went to do this thing, then called them back, then unplugged my phone. I forgot about it until this morning after breakfast. haha! The first person who called after that said “well, you must have plugged your phone back in, been trying to call.” hahahaha! Awesome.
Wow girl. yeah. You gotta let the voicemail & answering machine do its work sometimes. I’m notorious for screening calls. Especially on Sunday afternoons & Mondays. Those are my hangout or hideout days.
Yes…. I have a problem not NOT answering my phone. I’m on that sucker within 3-4 rings no matter where I am in the house. It’s terrible. I used to let it always go to VM but then I hated calling all those people back. ha! If I could turn it OFF so I can’t hear the ring or the message being left, that would help actually. Hmm…. maybe switching to JUST a cell phone would be good……
wait, was that “not NOT” right? or not right?
oy.
I gotcha.
oh, and I agree…. the CONSTANT does make your brain fritz. Sometimes it’s so much that I can’t for the life of me process one thought without struggling. And I can never finish anything in one sitting b/c of it.
An entire day devoted to NO internet, NO computer, NO phone, NO television… I wonder what that would be like?! haha! Oh how sad that that is even a question.
I spent 48 hrs internet-free last week. It was beautiful.
I’m deeming Thursday and Friday my computer free days…. lets see how painful this is and how long it lasts! ha!
Oh wow!!! yeah girl. Two whole days? I’d suggest like a 5 hr stint or something to start.
Can’t wait to hear the gasp when you come up for air on Saturday.
It’s a great concept but I honestly don’t know how to do it… My friend and I were talking today about wanting more balanced lives… But I just don’t think it’s possible at this point in my life at least… I feel stuck… How do you just declare a white day??? Not being negative or sarcastic… Truly want to know HOW??:):)
How? Well, for starters, I had to realize that I couldn’t do everything. And if I tried to do everything I wouldn’t do anything well at all. And that’s worse than just doing a few things. The world doesn’t “rest” on my shoulders (no pun intended). And, from there, I embraced the concept of Sabbath–true Sabbath–that’s about ceasing from striving. Of course, I still cook and sometimes clean and all that. But, I don’t have kids, so I admit my “white space” is easier to come by. It won’t be as easy when I’m a mom. And it probably won’t be a whole day. Maybe it’ll just be a few hours of beach time one day a week. Or a tiny chunk of songwriting time every morning. Or a hot bath with a memoir three times a week once the kids are asleep… Or all of those things thrown together in some form to make me feel balanced. But, I have to be ok with saying “no” to some things in order to say yes to this.
My friend, mentioned in the post, is a mom AND entrepreneur. Her kids are at preschool/elem-school age, which makes her white space monday-mornings a bit more possible… But, she wasn’t able to find/make white space until she gave up. She gave up on trying to do everything and be the best at everything. She believed the conference speaker who said that sometimes it’s ok to have a mess in the house or have dishes in the sink or have a few less projects going. So, now her monday mornings mean doing whatever she wants for a few hours. But doing it for herself.
Some people would dismiss this concept entirely because it’s “selfish” and the world needs us and we have to do all we can for it. I don’t think that’s selfish. Is inhaling selfish? Or eating? Or sleeping? Nope. We can’t live if we don’t do these things. But, somewhere along the way, resting (the one spiritually mandated act on the “take care of yourself” list) has been set aside.
Might I go far enough to say that God, in His infinite wisdom, knows that we will be of better use to this world if we take a moment for our minds and hearts and bodies to recuperate. We take a moment to rely on Him to get things done. We cease striving. We admit that we can’t (nor should we) do everything. We’re not God.
Granted, if you’re not a Christian, then you can dismiss a good chunk of this argument. But, well, it’s not all spiritual. Some of it is just practical.
Geeze. I hope you come back to read this. I think it’s longer than the original post.
Thanks for stopping by Lindsay!
I love that you read Mandy!!!! ;o)
and clearly my “computer free” day is taking a few minutes off while daddy gets boys ready for bed. *ahhhhh* haha!
Bran: Who’s the “you” you’re talking about reading? Do you know this Lindsay?
ha! Yes. Tam does too.
Ah cool! She seems like a great person. Not sure how she wandered over, but I’m glad she did.
I linked this post up on FB.
Well thanks ma’am!
Wait. Isn’t it no-net friday?
haha! Yeah, not the smartest thing I’ve ever decided on a weekend before our MOPS meeting. Thursday was a planning meeting, which meant follow up emails after, and Friday meant the same. SO, I still stayed off of FB which is my biggest addiction.