I know a lot of you have faced tough situations this year; so have a lot of my friends, family members, and church family. The phone calls, faces, hospital visits, letters, and questions are rolling through my mind as I type this. You know who you are and you’re on my mind.
This year, for many, has been a nightmare and a lot of us are ready for this round to be over. So, this post is for you: For those of you who don’t think you can take one more blow this year. For those of you who have been to hell and back and live to tell about it. Who have dealt with loss. With confusion. With anger. With disappointment. For those of you who see 2010 as a year to forget. For those of you who know 2011 has got to be better than 2010.
This is your time to think about it. To hope about it. To maybe even offer up a typed prayer to the heavens for a better year ahead. For some of you, it wouldn’t take much. It wouldn’t take much at all to spark a tiny flame of hope in your heart… What could light that flame? What’s something you can hold on to–some tiny piece of hope–that would assure you that 2011 is better than 2010?
Type it out here. And I promise you that this little blog community will be praying that our God of Grace reaches down to give exactly what you’re asking for.
2010 was good, but if 2011 never came, I would be ok with that.
I really couldn’t care less about much else in 2011, but I’d like for my wife to come back from Afghanistan in 2012 in good health….mentally and physically.
Sure, there are many other things, but they all kind of pale in comparison.
Very very very pale, Toby. You’ve married a strong one. She’s a feisty fighter!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Mandy…….
Thank you for this….
I SO want to forget 2010.
“This is your time to think about it. To hope about it. To maybe even offer up a typed prayer to the heavens for a better year ahead. For some of you, it wouldn’t take much. It wouldn’t take much at all to spark a tiny flame of hope in your heart… What could light that flame? What’s something you can hold on to–some tiny piece of hope–that would assure you that 2011 is better than 2010?”
I have chosen – CHOSEN – to focus on forward MOMENTUM. I don’t know how I’m gonna come out next year. But I’m gonna push hard to try. I know that it is the Shepherd that goes after the last sheep. So – as much as faith takes action to be activated – I am glad that God knows where I am….
Lord – help me. Help find me. Help me find myself…. help me find you.
Keep your eyes open, Bajan. (& you’re welcome)
Lord, mama and I have had 2 years we would rather not have had since we were married in 1965, 45 years ago. Those 2 years were 1990 and 2010. This year we both had bouts with cancer and my Parkinson has become a little more intense. But, we have still considered it a great year – we were able to share our victories as you took us through our battles. Today, December 30th, we look back and laugh and feel blessed. Thank you. Mama’s 33 radiation treatments this past summer were fun times, we laughed more and had many good moments with medical staff. Thank you for helping us do that. We pray that we shared our friend Jesus with everyone you wanted us to.
We pray we have as much fun in 2011, but please leave out that other “stuff” next year?
Thanks and AMEN, Mama
P.S. Mama is waking up and she needs a kiss.Gotta go!
Amen, Papa. BIG amen!! And I love it that you finished this because you gotta go kiss your bride.
Man. Oh, Lord, You alone know how many times I only made it because of You. The time last month I nearly gave up and You gave me hope. You know my wish, my dream – but I continue to rest in You, to do the footwork and live a life out loud for you and be ready for whatever You will bring. I ask, above all else, that You reveal Yourself to my son, my most lost and wonderful son, who will die soon without You. The moments of grace you rained down on me this year and the times you carried me sometimes move me to tears because I find it amazing you would look to me. Lord, I love you.
I feel strange “replying” to someone’s prayer… But you know me. I reply to ‘em all. Just wanted to say thank you for posting that here, in all it’s beauty and rawness…
What an apt description of my life- beautiful and raw! I have no doubt I am His instrument in all of this, so I trust in His Wisdom for my life, as hard as it seems to be. If I can ever become a true song writer – if I can learn to let go – I know I have a story to tell (sing-HA!).
Sing.
Indeed.
Actually, it has been a couple of long years for me. 2010 did end with a great upswing though. The birth of a grandchild on December 2nd. I’m hopeful that this upswing will continue.
When I was a kid, I learned how to swing like the big kids. And I learned that, right as I swung forward into the bottom of the arch, if I would pump my feet I could swing higher as I climbed up. Keep kicking your feet, Ric.
Ride the upswing as far as it’ll take you.
Mandy, thank you for this…I’ve had so many moments in this year that I felt as though I was the only one in pain, and I appreciate you shining a light and showing me I’m not alone.
Lord, I want to thank you first for the many blessings of this year. The new friends, the mended relationships, most importantly for the gift of a healthy, beautiful son.
I’ve tried not to be angry with you about all the things that happened this year, I know there’s a plan. I wont ever understand, but I will use my experience to aid others in their times of pain. When Chris ended his life on New Year’s Day, everyone around me said they were already ready for next year. I didn’t feel that way, I didn’t want to spend an entire year waiting on the next. Kelly was killed in late January, and I thought my heart would burst from the pain for my family. I wasn’t prepared to give up on the year, even though the loss continued. After all, these things happen. Corbin was born, and I once again was convinced that this year was going to turn out great. Then, three weeks after that miracle, you took my Mama home. I found out at church, my sacred home…and that was when I was ready for it to be over. I’ve lost more people this year, but nothing has ached so deeply.
So, while I know there’s a plan, I ask that you lighten my heart’s load…and you keep giving me sunshine. Each morning, when the sun rises, I’m reminded that I haves brand new opportunity at life. That you have given me another day to live as happily and fully as I can imagine. I have nights where I lie & pray for sunshine, and you graciously answer that prayer every morning.
That’s what I wish for in 2011, lots of sunshine.
I know what it feels like to be so pissed off at God that you don’t even want to think about Him… Not to say my “losses” have been anywhere near the depths of yours. But just to say that I know. I remember that Sunday, and I can only imagine how quickly and extremely your world changed. But you’ve pushed through a lot of pain since then. I don’t say this lightly, Kendra, but something tells me your mom would be proud of you–IS proud of you.
oh 2010, thank goodness your over soon!
2010 brought a lot of life lessons very abruptly in all areas of my life. I know I will eventually grow from and learn from the lessons, but for 2011 all I want is a break from drama, loss, rebellion,broken relationships. I would like to get deeper with God again, make new friends, and my dream for 2011 is to be able to visit people whom I haven’t seen in a long time.
K: I know you. You’ve already grown from and learned from 2010. You just don’t see it yet. Growth happens so subtly that we don’t know it until we can’t “fit” into our shoes/clothes/places anymore… The world will continue to look smaller and smaller for you. And that’s a good thing. Come see me. We have lots of Cheerwine down here.
you know you don’t need to beg me to come with promises of Cheerwine, but its sure is a bonus!
i love that you are doing this Mandy… my prayers are with all who had a rough 2010… may you be blessed with peace, joy, and an opportunity to “breathe again” in 2011… may the pain of 2010 turn into sweet new beginnings of 2011…
Amen Jenny. Thank you for joining in prayer for all of them… A new year brings new opportunities. New relationships. New hope.
Thank u Jenny ((((((HUGS)))))))
I have been holding my breath through 2010 – hoping the pain would stop. You said it right – I want to be able to breathe again. I love that I have this space to unload and leave it at the foot of the Cross through this blog. I don’t know what I’d do without this space….
Here’s for that big long EXHALE.
HOPE! I just hung a cross with that word on it above my desk so I can see it every day. That is what I want to focus on this year. I felt like I was giving up on a lot things in 2010. I was given a box of scriptures about Hope and plan to meditate on those as I look forward to a year where my eyes are focused on Jesus and not on circimstances. In the box is a prayer that I am praying:
Lord, You are keenly aware of any hopes that have been deferred in my life. Help me to put my hopes in You for You will fulfill my longings. Amen
Mandy – thank you for being there – on this blog and at work! Love you!! Denise
What are you doing at work this week???
I ‘hope’ you hung that cross last week!
You’re welcome. I had a dream about us last night. Unfortunately, I was drinking Budweiser early in the morning. And you were driving. Sheesh. What does that say about me right now? haha
Mandy, your heart for your community is amazing. 2010 has been a good year for me in many ways, but hard in others. No big tragedy, just a lot of personal confusion and disappointment. I’m praying for stronger faith, more confidence in the Lord in 2011.
Re. sentence one: I’ve had a few tough years recently. Thankfully, 2010 wasn’t one of them. But the significance of turning a new year hasn’t been forgotten by me. So these people in my community stay close to my heart right now… Very close. I remember what it was like to wish for a better year.
And I’m praying that God gives you both of those things in 2011… I’m pretty sure those requests line up with His heart for you.
2010 :
* My wife wad diagnosed with an immune system disease and spent many weeks and month in the hospital.
*I missed 90 days of work.
* My little boy thought that the hospital was his home.
Pretty sad yes.
But :
*my wife is in remission.
*I have been given a raise and a bonus for the work I did while I was at work.
*My son has learned to pray for those who are sick ( he literally lays hands on them and says ” in Jesus name be healed” not bad for 2 and a half)
*And most important we were together and growing in Christ through all of that.
God blessed me greatly in that time. I can only ask he give me the wisdom and courage to bless others in 2011.
Thank you for your heart and encouragement .
Love the but!! LOVE the but!!!!! I’m so thankful that your family has been strengthened through all of that. Illness can make or break us.
2010: The year of tenth anniversaries —
1. U2′s All That You Can’t Leave Behind.
2. The election of 2000.
3. Y2K and The End of the World.
4. The last year we had peace (aka: the year before 9/11).
5. The year the U.S. Supreme Court actually ruled that votes don’t count.
6. AOL ruled the Internet, which is now “completely over.”
7. Land lines would always be necessary because they were safer than “portable telephones”.
8. Cells were microscopic — and biological.
9. A mouse was something you tried to kill (and still is, if you ask me).
10. The federal budget was balanced (though some say that depends on who was holding the calculator).
Is it just me, or did we have it better ten years ago…?
Well, outside of the joys of technology, we may have had it better ten years ago. (I’m all about killing mouses/meece/whatever, as well!)
it’s been a year where my desire, my dream, and my calling were going to be fulfilled…or so i thought…within days it was all shattered by dishonest church leaders…the men i was supposed to respect, follow, and trust…and had been…
then i turned my back on a lot of things that i have held to in my life…there was a point where i never wanted to listen to another church leader…i never wanted to sing another “church song”…i really had no desire to sit through any service at any church…
God has shown me that i don’t need a church building nor a staff position to lead people in worshiping Him…He’s shown me that the object of my worship should be Him and ONLY Him…and that He is more than WORTHY of it!!!
God has reassured me that in His time these things will be fulfilled…i just need to be faithful in my waiting…i need to follow His leading…i need to use the opportunities that He provides for me now, with EVERYTHING i have…i need to trust God to deal with others and not hold on to any wrong that is done to me…He has reminded me that i have plenty of my own wrongs to deal with!!!
it’s a year to forget…and a year to embrace…at the same time?!?
Wow Jon Mark. That’s one heck of a year you’ve had. I’ve seen a number of friends be sadly disappointed by church staffing drama… It can be incredibly disorienting–unspeakably disorienting. I think you can both embrace and forget, all at once. Embrace the growth–the new faith–the connectedness to God outside of His church. And also forget how completely fallible we (church leaders) can be… Forget the pain. Embrace forgiveness. Hope. Trust in God.
I believe that though grief comes from many sources, it touches the same place in all our souls. Your pain is just as deep as mine, and I know you can totally relate to that raw, “this sucks”, helpless feeling. “Pushed through the pain” definitely feels like a fitting description of how I’ve spent the past few months. Whether I liked it or not, life continued, and I had to keep up. I appreciate your kind words, and I do hope she’s proud of me. She let so many things hold her back from achieving her dreams, and it always saddened me to watch her ache for more, but be paralyzed by the fear of the unknown. I’m determined to live with reckless abandon now, to stop worrying about failing and give my aspirations a chance to see light. She always wanted me to just go for it, and now I am:)
I intended for this to be a reply by the way:P
Thinking about this last year stresses me out and makes me feel ill…. I just hope 2011 is the most boring, calm year ever.
I watched Eat, Pray, Love the other night… and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I totally want to do all of that (minus India, that part didn’t look fun. ha!) just for the peace and calm it seemed to instill. But seriously, looking at my life, that won’t be feasible for at least another 15 years. haha!
Well, maybe you can read the book and it can take your brain/heart to places you want your whole-self to go…? The book is excellent. The movie is just a taste of what you’d read. (at least, that’s my two cents.)
Here’s to a boring year for ya!
I have heard that the movie barely grasps the book….
It’s like a thumbnail of a picture. The movie is one of the few “made from a book” movies that actually stays true to character and plot and form. I was impressed with that element, as I get all frustrated when a movie takes liberties with the author’s creation. But, not so with Eat Pray Love. I was very impressed with how accurate it was. But, yes, only a fraction of the content of the book.
I am so happy to see 2010 go! My hope for 2011 is a healthy, happy, bring home baby! Our daughter was stillborn in March of 2010 and I have spent the rest of the year trying to put the pieces of my broken heart back together and trying to gather the strength to cling to my faith.
Lord,
I trust that you know the desires of my heart and I beg for you to align my will to yours. I also believe that we need to be specific in what we ask from you, well, Father, I want a healthy baby in 2011. I want to get pregnant (naturally) and carry a child, your child, for at least 36 weeks and I want to give birth to a healthy baby. I want to bring that baby home and to raise it in your ways. I want that baby to out live me by many years. Lord, I am thanking you NOW for the year 2011 and I know that no matter what….YOU will show up in a big way. Thank you for all of the lessons that 2010 brought our family and thank you for our Angels that left my body too soon. You ways are perfect and good (even if I don’t always see it or think so!). I love you, Daddy!
Britt: Reading your words and prayer bring a flood of emotions and memories to mind… More than I can begin to type in this comment box. I know you know that you’re not alone in your losses. And in your desires and dreams for a family. And you and I are both among the ranks of women who have not yet achieved that desire. I’m so thankful that you can pray such a prayer at the end of such a year… Keep clinging, as I will too.
honestly, i don’t see any hope of things getting better any time soon. 2010 started off as the most joyous time of my life. . .just gotten engaged, happily planning for my future, completely in love and loved. then suddenly, without warning, my beloved walked out. no explanation. just up and left. i have lived and continue to live in the valley of the shadow. and the situation continues to get worse, not better. i know God is good and i cling to that with both of my hands. . .i allow Him to carry me, but right now i have no clue how He is going to work this out. the Lord has made it clear to me to wait for my beloved but he is so cold and doesn’t even know how to face the pain in him. instead, he is ‘throwing rocks’ at the ‘dog he really loves’ to try to just make it go away and not deal with his hurt or true emotions. it is awful. and everytime it appears that there is some healing, my legs are knocked clear out from under me again. our wedding date was 1.1.11. . .so 2011 will start off pretty ugly. i know this isn’t pretty, but my heart is breaking. . .yet believing God is good. . .and i’m not sure how they both are residing in my soul. . .
Holy cow, Lauren. What a nightmare you are facing this weekend…. I’m so sorry to read about your loss. I can’t imagine what you are feeling right now. Actually, I can. I can imagine the unquenchable pain of losing the love of my life. I can imagine it. And I can’t think of much worse than that potential ache.
But to know that your heart is simultaneously breaking and believing? That is, in itself, a miracle. A crazy testament to the power of God to work in us, walk with us, through things unimaginable…
thanks mandy. . .im crying at your comment because most of what i have heard today is just ‘pick yourself up by the bootstraps’ by friends i know in real life who are very (understandably and justifiably) frustrated with my beloved. it was balm to my aching soul to come and remember that this is a huge deal. and it is okay to ache and not be ‘okay’. thank you for your prayers. . .i am certain the prayers surrounding me are carrying me. . .
Lauren: If I’ve learned anything through the past few years, I’ve learned that pain is pain. And grief is grief. And there’s no way around it. We can only go through it. Your friends know you–and your circumstances–and they will [hopefully] have your best interest at heart. Hold on to the ones who can walk wisely with you through this, and trust their words and wisdom and advice. Our friends often say the hard things in very soft ways. Listen closely to them.
As for the weekend? There’s no way to stop it. Tomorrow will be a hard day, but next Saturday [hopefully] won’t be as hard.
lauren, you’ll be in my prayers this weekend.
thanks cori. . .
as I was reading everyones comments, this tim hughes song [when the tears fall] came to mind:
I’ve had questions, without answers
I’ve known sorrow, I have known pain
but theres one thing, that I’ll cling to
you are faithful, Jesus your true
when hope is lost, I’ll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, I’ll call you healer
when silence falls, you’ll be the song within my heart
in the lone hour, of my sorrow
through the darkest night of my soul
you surround me, and sustain me
my defender, forever more
when hope is lost, I’ll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, I’ll call you healer
when silence falls, you’ll be the song within my heart
I will praise you, I will praise you
when the tears fall, still I will sing to you
I will praise you, Jesus praise you
Through the suffereing still I will sing
although most of my “suffering” this year was self-induced, it needed to happen so that I would stop tantruming and just rest. and be okay. and learn a very painful lesson about grace. and subsequently find myself at the foot of the cross, in desperate need of a saviour. I can sit here at the end of “the year that didn’t need to happen” and recognize that there is great hope. hope for a sinner like me. hope for a deep and meaningful relationship with my creator. hope for my life to be more. the road is going to be messy and dirty, but I am not alone. and for all of what 2010 was…Jesus, thank you.
Wow, Cori. That’s a lot to take in. Thank you for posting the words to that song! And I think a lot of you will join in calling this “the year that didn’t need to happen…” unfortunately.
It was a hard year for many reasons, none that come as a surprise to God! I’m longing for a renewed peace and intimacy with God in ’11. Please pray for me. Bless you for your willingness to lift me up
xo -Robin
Robin: So many people have read the comments here in the past two days. Know you’re being prayed for.
2010- could be jotted down as the WORST year of my 44 year old life
Lord, I have to rhyme or reason why my husband of 21 years is losing his life to dementia at the age of 53, it’s hard to figure out what lessons I need to still learn from all this. BUT I CLING to HOPE. Hope that will bring me not just out of this, BUT THE
MY DANG LAPTOP!
…. Hope to share and keep living. Create new relationships. Love You ever more. Allow 2011, to be the year of HOPE>
I know you’ve had a hard year. And I can’t even begin to fathom how difficult the next few years will be with your husband, H. But I know you as a woman of strength, and patience, and hope… Yes, definitely hope. Keep living, friend.
heidi. . .gosh, i am so sorry. . .so sorry. i have worked with many patients with dementia and i will certainly keep you in my prayers. . .praying for moments of clarity amongst the confusion. . .moments to remind you of your love. ((hug))
clarity….
I like it. And I think you’ll get it.
i do too.
Ya know, all, I HAVE to look at 2010 like this – I made it. With the help of God, and those around me (who, quite frankly, I don’t lean on enough, I am always worried about bothering people, HA!!) – with music and the humor of others – even Mandy and others listening to my beginner attempts at songwriting (hey, got to start somewhere) – it ALL mattered. 2010 was hard in many ways, VERY very hard and what made it hardest is not yet done. It will spill into 2011 and maybe beyond. But, I am alive. I breath and have an income and a roof and food in the fridge. I have friends and family and most of all, a God who saved me from the pit. My faith grew, my trust in Him grew (makes no sense with all that went on, I know) and my belief in His bigger plan grew – and most of all, my desire to be one He says ‘Well Done, good and faithful servant’ to grew, as well.
and, after all, that IS the point of my life. To worship Him now, with the rocks and the Saints, with my actions; and in person when my time here is done.
May you ALL find – and FEEL – His Blessing on this day!!!!
this new years was hard for me (as most of them have been in recent years)… i so badly want to hope things will change, but it’s as though i can’t. i’ve had the “things can’t get any worse” thought before and then somehow things found a way to get worse. so trying to hope that this year will be better than last feels futile. the disappointment just adds to the heartache, ya know?
i’m not sure what it would take to make me believe. peace maybe? or closure? a new dream/vision/future? all of those seem just as scarce as hope though.
2010 was… a paradox of extremes. It began with the onset of unexplained physical dibilitating pain. Proceeded through challenges of finding alternative health solutions, finishing grad school, and starting life overseas. But I’ve never known such joy in seeing God come through and bring dreams to life. I look to 2011, with confidence in God, even if the world ends up shaking arond me.
To those with a difficult and painful 2010: I pray God meets you, whether it is to weep in His arms or He lifts your head and strengthens your legs to take another step forward in His grace (maybe both).