Monthly Archives: March 2011

Are you still Breathing? (Song: Fallen Garden)

Posted on
23

(Link, if player doesn’t appear.)

Some days I have to remind myself that this molded dust and clay holds life. And not the “oh wait, is my heart still beating?” kind of life. But Life. Capital L. Life.

Some days it just gets boring. Or frustrating. Or impossible (Don’t go all Mt. 19:26 on me. You know what I mean. It just feels impossible.)

And in those days I try to remind myself that this is just the way Life is lived right now. All dusty and messy and fallen. And the only true test of knowing whether or not I’m Living is if I’m Breathing.

Not breathing in the breath of lungs. But the Breath of Life. That is what we were given in The Beginning. And that is what will sustain us until The End.

If you are looking for signs of Life among your days, look for Breath. Look for the sacred inhale and exhale. And if you can’t find it–if you can’t locate that sacred Breath, then turn your face to Heaven and just Breathe. Let that inhalation be a prayer–a prayer that you will see Life…

Fallen Garden – Mandy Thompson, 2011, ASCAP
We all walk this fallen garden:
shrouded vines and signs of
life in lingered shadowed death.
Betrayed and dismayed by our own knowing,
we only wanted something–
hungering for the betterment.
And we search for all the secret reasons,
sifting through each season.
Ever changing, never rests.
In our searching, we will walk this garden,
struggling for perfection.
Every breath a breaking in.
Our walk will wind and wander farther.
Though lush it still is lacking,
reaching for the consummate.
Scraped by sword and scene of angels.
Never ceasing dreaming:
what was then and what is best.
But we hope for all the secret reasons,
sifting through each season.
Ever changing, never rests.
With each morning we will walk this garden,
striving for perfection.
Every breath a giving in.
And we know that at the end of seasons
we will find the reason.
All is well and all at rest.
Until then, we will walk this garden
held by His perfection.
Every breath a breathing in.

Get out.

Posted on
28
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Even with the door shut I can hear the wind whirring and buzzing and swirling outside. But it’s not normally that easy. Most days I have to stand in it to hear it. To hear the quiet around me that helps echo back the words that are in my own soul. Today, I can hear it from inside.

But only because I made a conscious choice to listen. To stop the noise and listen. And what I heard today? Get out.

Just like that.

Get out.

Get out of the noise and clamor (don’t you love that word) of everything that’s drowning out my own thoughts. Get out into some wide open spaces, meadows, that have no rush of cars or people or conversations, but only have the slow stir of the breeze around me. Get out into these wide spaces in my own life and let myself think. Let my soul breath some clean air. Get out of the stale. Get out of the stuffy. Get out of the noisy.

I haven’t written a song in a while. And on more than one occasion, I’ve had the distinct thought that there are no more songs in me.

None.

Because right now I can’t hear any.

So I’m going to get out… Get quiet… And listen. Maybe it’ll be the beach. Maybe it’ll be the back porch. Maybe it’ll be the little nook in my kitchen where I have a clean shot at the coffee pot and bird feeder.

But I know that my soul needs to get out very very soon.

Where do you go to get out?

**Note: I wrote this over the weekend. Yesterday, I did exactly what I mentioned here. I pulled away for some chunks of time. And, you know what? I wrote a song. And it may be one of my best. Maybe… Maybe I’ll sing it for you soon and you can tell me if it is.

Mirrorizing

Posted on
10

After that discussion a while back about one thing we’d change about ourselves, I got to wondering how other people see me. You. Us.

They don’t see that tiny reddish pore on your forehead that decided to start the day by protesting its own existence, because they’re too busy taking in the “eyes smile skin hair jawline nose size face” look of us. They are taking in the big picture stuff, not just the tiny details that come and go. We’re the ones who notice the details, because we’ve already grown accustomed to the rest of our features.

The same holds true for our personality. Often, all we notice are our flaws. But that might not be the first thing people see in us. Most often, it’s not.

So, here’s the challenge for today (maybe every day should have a challenge, but that would be way too challenging for me right now):
Go stand in front of a mirror, literal or figurative. The mirror can be asking a friend to describe you in 5 words. Or flipping back through your own blog posts and sent emails to see what comes out of your own words. Or studying your dayplanner to see what it says about your choice of time commitments. Or review old to-do lists. Or see what sort of decor you prefer in your house. Or whatever. Just find something that is a representation of who you are, and take a hard look at it.

Look at “yourself” for at least a minute, with observant eyes just like someone who’s never seen you before. Look beyond the exterior, to your soul–your character and personality. Look until the picture becomes fresh and not just something you see all the time. Don’t just stare mindlessly. Really look… Find something there that you don’t notice–that you don’t really “see” anymore.

Then come back here and let us know what you saw.

Hi. My name is Mandy. And I’m a pseudo-productive.

Posted on
26

audio embed, because that’s how I wrote this entire post–while getting in the car and driving to band practice…

I would much rather spend my time making lists & downloading the latest list gadgets than actually marking things off of said list. I find that to be psychologically satisfying and I think I read an article about it — about how we can actually fool ourselves into thinking we’re getting something done just by saying that we’re going to do something.  I think the same holds true–the psychological satisfaction–in saying that we’re making a list. And the actual making of the list is false productivity (pseudo-productivity).

I am a pseudo-productive. And I’m telling you, I get my list made and I’m really excited about it, and I think it’s going to be fabulous and it’s going to make everything better and make my life more productive and more impacting… and then I will just sit on the couch and watch Alias. That’s not the way to get anything done. But that’s how I do things sometimes.

So, my list-making efforts are inspiring, but they aren’t necessarily productive. So I wanna challenge you, as you maybe continue to move on: We are two months into our goals for 2011. And, let’s be honest, some of you may have already forgotten that we even have a goal.

I, for one–this year–am not doing so great in keeping my goal. And I’ve found that even trying to be organized–trying to have a streamlined process–a streamlined approach–is not getting me where I want to be in these songs that I’m trying to write. So, I’m still trying to work on the process and I’m lacking in creativity and I’m lacking in inspiration a great deal right now which is kind of frustrating. I don’t know. I’ve got to get back in the groove and I don’t know how to do that…

So I’m wanting to call us into this–call us to be diligent. And don’t just make a list. Don’t just say you’re going to do something. But actually mark it off. Get it done. Make something happen. And let’s all meet those goals that we’ve been making.

Yes? Shall we?

Yes. We Shall.

(So… What do you think of the audio version of this post?)