I’ve missed out on a bit of sleep lately. Not because of worry, or fear, or anything. It just happens sometimes.
And this week was one of those times.
And, when everything else is quiet and my mind has nothing but space to fill, I start thinking about kids. Kids who are old enough to know that the adults caring for them are not their parents and might not care for them forever. Kids who wonder who they’re supposed to call mom & dad. Who have feelings and favorite colors.
Or I think about those who will be born into a world they can’t understand. And who won’t be able to process their first few months of life. Who’s hearts are beating quickly and quietly, and might soon face a breaking. Who have fingernails and faces.
Then I think about buckets of Favorite Color paint. And skinned knees. And endless bowls of Kraft Mac&Cheese, and tiny shoe laces, and hugs that say “I am yours and you are mine, no matter what the other kids say.”
And then I try to stop thinking. I try to open my eyes and return to reality and remind myself that there will be months of ups and downs and frustrations and questions before …
before the unexpected happens. And the expected happens. And it all happens.
That’s what’s on my mind.
What’s on your mind this week?
i’ve been thinking a lot lately about church leaders who take greater joy in being leaders than servants — and how I can best be a Godly influence for those men (and women).
Brett (I remembered!), I think this is amazing. And something worth thinking about. And then do.
Oooo…I like your thoughts. You’re gonna be a great mom!
When Phat and I first married the plan was to have two kids and then adopt 10 more. God’s plan was a bit different. Now, my thoughts are on how to be a mom to adults. I do have one teenager left, but she thinks she’s an adult…
I’m decorating a new place…where to hang the painting of bluebonnets…do I take all the birdhouses…what color should the dining room be…?
Kinna fun thoughts…if the circumstances didn’t suck. Ah well. The paradox called life…
Wow… Sounds like you have a lot of decisions and responsibilities on you, Red. But, exciting stuff all at the same time!
Beautiful post, and I’ll forgive you for force feeding your kids diabetes causing food.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the future (especially kids, too). Kind of scary. Kind of exciting. Kind of…just different.
Kind of wow.
I gotta a lot of stuff on my mind. I find myself constantly trying to jump ahead of God. I see the possibilities for the future and take off by dreaming of how certain things will work and what projects could be done. Then God pulls me back and stops the plans. He tells me to start taking notes rather than looking out the window dreaming of the next big thing because right now I need to learn and understand before I can dream.
You are definitely a dreamer, Kamrie. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It’s good that you are in “understanding” mode. But don’t let go of those dreams!
You’ll be an amazing mom, I cannot imagine how the lullabyes will sound like when you start creating them
Honestly, I am thinking about being a parent of two adult children and how different they are. My son wants to be a musician and slowly moving on in life and my daughter is barraging through each wall for a doctorate. So polar different but both I raised. So bizarre….
How’s his songwriting going, H?
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Sorry to bombard you with all of this, but you asked!
Today (Thursday) was the big day. Me and my best friend stood in my driveway and gave each other one last hug before she drove off into the unknown. Honestly, in retrospect, I think the anticipation of that moment was what was really killing me. The realization that she is actually gone hasn’t really hit me yet in full force; I haven’t even cried yet. But, I am sure that the tears will come.
My life right now feels like this one big mixture of different and totally opposite emotions. Obviously, I am saddened and I guess kind of numb from saying goodbye to my friend today. Yet, my family is in town for the weekend, so I am full of joy and happiness, espcially because of getting to hold my precious little cousin (whom we affectionately call “monkey boy”). I am nervous but excited about this student leadership position I am applying for. I am kind of scared for my senior year and having to grow up. Oh, and I have a sunburn! Life is wierd right now and i am oh so exhausted, both physically and emotionally. But, honestly, I wouldnt trade my life for anything in the world.
I’ve had to drive away from a best friend before. It was one of the saddest days of my life, Tay…
After reading this, I am thinking about my family. The struggle my parents endured for seven very long years to have children of their own, a time now a distant memory.
I am also thinking about my sister, who has a niece or two of her own — even though none of my brothers have daughters. She was adopted, my sister. We always knew, too. My parents never kept that any sort of secret. Nor should they have, in my mind.
I’m thinking of the day my sister told me that she found her mother, and how she had asked me how I felt about that. “You’re still my sister,” I told her. “We’re never going to lose that. We’re never going to lose those times we had growing up, those memories. That’s what makes us family.”
And I’m thinking about my half-brother, who once heard kids at school say that he didn’t have any brothers. I wasn’t very happy about that. And I told him the ties that bind are thicker than biology and blood. And they are. Still.
I’m also thinking about a question, “What is parenting?” If it were only a matter of biology, if reproduction were the only prerequisite, then nobody would ever make a mistake or need advice. Psychology would be out of business, too, because no child — young or grown — would ever have issues or problems with their biological parents.
And, well, I am thinking about God. He’s got a thing for turning this mad world upside down by caring the most for those nobody else cares about. Orphans, especially. “A Father to the fatherless.”
And I think those bowls of macaroni & cheese…and all those skinned knees…and those hugs that say things words in no language ever can…
…I’m thinking those are the ropes of the ties that bind beyond biology.
I can say that. Because I have lived the knots. And nothing — not divorce or alcoholism or drug addiction or even the best efforts of a few kids (who don’t know any better) on the playground — nothing will ever change that.
Ever.
Because whether we like it or not — and sometimes we can’t bear the thought — families are forever.
Dad.
starting job monday– excited but nervous b/c no matter how glad i am and hopeful and calm i try to feel on the inside, i can’t control my shakes. Mom.
the longest Father’s Day ever.
Dad.
Marley.
my niece’s smile and my nephew’s laugh.
fear that they’ll turn out like me.