Family.
It’s gotta be up there in the level of importance for an adopted child. Right?
So we have to do whatever we can to make sure family is clearly defined in our own lives so it can be clear and strong and holding in the lives of our kids, right?
Family.
It is more than a twisted-branched tree.
It is a reaching across generations. And across DNA. And across personalities.
It is a holding on “no matter what.” And an “I love you” through tears.
It is memories and plans.
It is belonging.
I’m sure, eventually, some DFCS class or Adoption book will help me familiarize myself with the road of “bonding” for adoptive families; but, until I get to those pages, I am writing my own. I’m finding my own words to define family.
And I’m finding my own ways to honor it.
How do you honor family? How do you maintain its importance in your life? Or do you?
My family means so much to me. I always cherish the time that we spend together. Every single member of my family is important to me, from cousins to grandparents to aunts to uncles to 3rd cousins. Yes, I am close with my third cousins!
Third cousins can be a lot of fun, Tay!! Enjoy the time you have with them all before college takes you away.
Mandy, If God didn’t want family, He would not have come as a baby.
With tears as I type this, nothing has been so destructive in our world as the destruction of family. It is the most powerful tool against sin and wrong next to Christ’s love.
If you want to see Mandy destroyed, sin will do that and or destroy her relationships within her family. Especially the closest ones.
I am not saying we can’t survive without our families – but the iurony of that is as our family is destroyed, its usually “family” (God’s family, church family or other family) that we run to. Cherish family, God forbid we destroy it.
I agree Papa. Drew and our head pastor are absolutely heartbroken right now over families that are breaking and broken and broke…. It’s so tough to watch. And the fight is a fight. But it’s still worth having, isn’t it? Drew and I have had 8+ years to work on our marriage before bringing little ones in. I’m believing that, in all the quiet years, we’ve solidified a bond that will stick over the next year of starting a new church and adopting and all the excitement and fatigue and stress that comes with it.
You will do just fine Mandy. Just fine. I am amazed at my daughter. She was a stinker as a teenager. But is now the best mom I have seen. She has 3 children. Ages 5 (Sara made in China), 10 (Sydney made in the USA) and 12 (Blake, made in Russia). She gives each of the children “homework” to do each day. The two older ones also have to read a portion of scripture each day and write out which verse was their favorite. They do this before they play for the day. Its neat! Doesn’t take long, no complaints, its part of their family style. Ihn fact, Sunday morning, Mom & Sydney leave for a mission trip to Arizona to help a school. Sydney raised her trip expenses by herself!
You someday may be doing the same with one of your children.
Family, as defined as the people that make you feel loved, and who support you when you need it, makes life much easier, and enjoyable.
I did not grow up in a close nit family, and you know how that work out, suicide attempt at 18. Not looking for help, stubbornly trying to deal with all my problems on my own, has made my life harder. I have succeed in building a happy life, but I made each challenge harder than it needed to be.
I now have an extended family of friends. I am happier than at any point in my life, and that may be the reason.
The only blood relatives I have left are my 5 nieces. I rarely see them. In my case blood is not thicker than water.
I’m glad that blood isn’t thicker than water, Ed.
Because our family will be reaching across blood lines. I’m hoping that our family can make challenges easier for those young lives that are waiting for hope and belonging. I don’t know how it’ll work, and I’m sure it’s complicated and heart-aching at times, but I still want to offer that to some kid(s) who don’t have it at all… Glad you succeeded — glad you made it.
I find it interesting that Jesus said loving Him would cause division in families. And that we are to follow Him no matter the cost. Yet, in this day and age, we’ve come to believe family is the end-all of life. I think it’s possible to make family a false god. (Unless the Lord is the builder of the house, they labor in vain who build it.)
Most people would say I’ve lost my family. Bad choices for years have
left us struggling to hang on…and in hopes of not destroying everything…we have split apart. But…and it’s a huge BUT…we are still family. We will always be family. Even though we may not have the same home in which we dwell, our hearts are intertwined. All of us love Jesus and all of us want to remain loving toward one another, even though we are not able to live in the same home.
We could choose to snipe and growl and tear one another apart, but it will only result in more damage to our souls…and we need to heal.
So…what is family? Is there anything left without it? In God, yes. He is the father of the fatherless. He is the husband of the rejected bride. He is the one who cares most for the widows and orphans. He is the one who says come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest…
Blood is great, but blood does not necessarily define family. Family has been fluid since the Fall. And thankfully, He gives grace for us to build up, to tear down, to stitch together, to blend as one many different pieces.
I have this plaque on my wall, and it says it best for me:
Families are like quilts: Lives pieced together . . . Stitched with smiles
and tears . . . Colored by memories . . . Bound with love.
i love my family. i love spending time with them. i love to share in the joys and tears. sadly i have some family members who choose to be distant, physcially and emotionally. that is hard. but i make the most of the family i have and the time we have together.
Sometimes I have been the distant one, Jessica… I’m working on that.
On some level, I think that family is simply a collection of people that you’re willing to defend no matter the cost.
Steph! At first I read “that you’re willing to offend” and I thought, so true… Family requires honesty.
Then I read your comment again. haha I guess either could be correct.
When I was growing up, my grandmother sent me a WWII scrapbook. It was filled with photos of my grandfather and many newspaper clippings, including a headline of a GI washing his hair while using his helmet to hold the water — AND it had a newspaper clipping that announced the death of Roosevelt. I was amazed. And I have always remembered that scrapbook.
As the years wore on, I mentioned to one of my relatives that I would love to have to scrapbook when the time came, but I didn’t feel right about asking my grandmother for it. I just didn’t. Not my style. Eventually, my relative mentioned it to my grandmother, who agreed that I would one day get the scrapbook.
One day, the time came. My grandfather had passed. As is so often the case, we went through old photos and some knickknacks they had collected over the years.
I asked about the scrapbook.
But my grandmother, who had just lost her husband of sixty plus years, did not remember the conversation we’d had about it, about my getting it. And when I mentioned it to her, she said, “If your Dad [the oldest] don’t want it, you can have it.”
My uncle, however, was quick to add, “And if you’re Dad don’t want it, you’re still not getting it because it’s mine.”
I was, of course, disappointed that I never got the scrapbook. And even though I believed I was right, I knew also that my grandparents — and even my parents — taught me better than that.
So, instead of being an idiot and making a fuss over the whole thing, I let it go, deciding instead to honor my family — especially my grandmother, who had just lost her husband of over sixty years.
Even if I was right, I’d still be wrong.
So, how do I honor my family?
By remembering the lessons they have taught me: that the greatest gifts a family gives can’t be seen or heard or felt or touched.
And you know what? My sister was adopted. So I’m pretty sure I can say with a great deal of certainty that you and Drew are going to discover the greatest mystery of all — that love is the tie that binds in a way no blood, and no reality, possibly can.
And I will be praying for all THREE Thompsons (more if you guys go that route).
Man, this brings back memories…let me just give the both of you the best advice I got from my parents, not in words or theories, but –
– Just love that child the best you can. And with all your heart.
Do that and you’ll do great.
Yeah, you’ll do great…
“Even if I was right, I’d still be wrong.” — I love that. Might need to put it in a song.
Yep. Sure is. I have to admit, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m really excited to see how this turns out. I just think adoption is awesome; that’s why I love Wendy’s!
And, be my guest. Use it.