Drew says that he’d be more worried about our marriage if we didn’t disagree at all. Interesting point. He, and others, really believe that a healthy relationships comes with some conflict. No two people are alike, which means that we will at times disagree with one another.

The secret is in “how” we disagree.

I’ll never forget that day, in my driveway, sitting in his red Honda, and he says that he wants us to learn to fight well. I cringed inwardly. I hate conflict. I want to avoid it altogether. But Drew wanted to make sure that we knew how to have good healthy disagreements.

I’m learning that there are some benefits to disagreements. We have an opportunity to learn more about the other person (who was, thank God, created differently from us), we also get to share parts of ourselves that might not otherwise be exposed. We get to bend and compromise and work as a team towards a shared goal of collaboration and mutual compromise.

And, most importantly, we get to love each other despite our differences.

But, we seem to have distorted views of conflict.

But we need not mistake disagreement for rejection. Or anger for rejection. Or see conflict as a threat of rejection. Its possible for two loving, healthy individuals to disagree on foundational points of life.

Drew likes hanging out with people. I like chilling in the quiet of my home. (surprise)

Drew’s more reformed in his theology. I’m holding my ground as an Arminian. (gasp)

And we still get along. And I still value and respect his pastoral leadership. And his role as my husband.

See? Love reaches over differences, grabs the hand of the person who’s brain is an absolute mystery to us, and says “Even though I think you are weird, let’s still walk together.”

Now go hug somebody today. And tell ‘em that even though they’re weird, you still love ‘em.

(or something like that)