Say it with me: When you stop talking your heart starts walking.
Again: When you stop talking your heart starts walking.
Monday night — we were both pretty frustrated with each other. The kind of frustration that leads to silence. That uncomfortable silence. You know.
Tuesday — by lunch he’d made me smile. And oh man did he have to work for it because he had VERY little eye-contact from me. Did I mention we work together? uh huh. So it was sorta there. Just lingering. And heavy.
We both knew we had a date last night. And oh man did we need to get past the weird silence.
Tuesday night — I start talking–just dive right in. I had to. It was my turn and it required more than that smile. It required words.
So I slowly told him. And then he told me. And in the hard-hard-hard-listening we were able to better understand the other. And better understand the massive misunderstanding between us. And better apologize.
And by the end of our date night, we were happy to be around each other. And the eye contact was easy.
But it didn’t come without hard work.
Talking. And listening. Without the bridges of talking and listening, our hearts would’ve just been walking away instead of towards each other. Communication. Can there be relationship without communication? Nope.
So y’all say it with me again: When you stop talking, your heart starts walking.
I’m asking myself a few questions today. Actually, just one question. But maybe it’s for you as well: Where/when/how have we passively allowed ourselves to walk, instead of doing the hard work of talking?
SUCH good words here, friend. I hate those silent times. HATE them. But that only makes me more willing to try and get over myself so that I can talk instead of walk. That’s basically the root of it for me. My ‘self’ vs. him, his needs. It would be a lot easier if I weren’t so darned stubborn!
yes ma’am. And I’m a stubborn one too! hahaha
Wow – you mean, that happens to ya’ll too? (grin).
Great advice, although, I”ll have to play on your words … sometimes, I have to go “walk” before I need to “talk”. After a tough conversation at my job on Monday, I literally had to walk away for about 24 hours before I could re-enter the conversation. Had I “talked” before I “walked”, my talking would have been, well, a very bad idea. And now, 24 hours later, all the talking I was doing in my mind no longer needs to be said.
Does that make any sense at all?
Fred:
It makes sense to me. Sometimes, I have to sit with something for a little while so I can get clear on what’s really going on and what the uneasy silence between me and my partner is really about. Once I’m clear, I’m ready to communicate.
Yep. That makes plenty of sense! It took me some time to figure out why I was so flippin’ mad at Drew. But I think time to cool off & gather your thoughts is different from just the silent anti-relational time. ps. So sorry for your tough convo. Really
Mandy,
Great words. Do you think we walk instead of talk, because it’s easier than listening to someone’s heart, perhaps asking for forgiveness, clearly seeing what’s really going on, and/or speaking our truth which means laying it on the line?
I think it depends on the person and the circumstance, Brenda. I think we “walk” when we don’t want to forgive. or when we have been so hurt that we don’t want to be in the relationship anymore. or because we have just gotten tired of making all the effort when it isn’t reciprocated. or because we’re just angry. or because we want to hurt them. There are a lot of reasons, aren’t there? Some are ok and justified. Some are not. It totally depends. But, whatever the reason, the cause & effect process is the same: if we stop talking, our hearts start walking.
Such insight! Thank you for sharing this. It reminds me of something I once heard, “kindness is the only antidote for bitterness”. Kindness, the way God wants it is different than ours. He looks on the heart and asks us to reach out and bless tenderly, with them in mind. Resentment, bitterness and hurt simply melt when we give this way. Thus, kindness is the antidote. Just thought I’d pass that on. It’s helped me tremendously.
Take care and God Bless!
Thanks for sharing, Terri!
Ok Mandy. You totally got me right on the heart with this one. I have been experiencing this this week. But not with a human – with God. I find that even if I slack off praying for one day, I can feel my heart sort of going away from Him. This post was so timely. I thank God for you and this post, Mandy! Much love!
Ouch – right on Papa’s toes.
I have had a struggle with that over the years. I can clam up way to easy and hurt mama. I really have conquered it now, but for years I could do that. We really try to talk and listen better now. What I have done was very hurtful to mama and I asked God & mama both to forgive me.
This is fantastic advice. Difficult to do, but so essential. I needed this.
such good thoughts Mandy, thank you! communication is one of the things i fail at the most and have seen the demise of many relationships as the result. this is a good reminder for me to keep working at it and speaking even when i don’t want too.
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