Monthly Archives: August 2011

Dear Songwriting…

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Dear Songwriting,

It’s not you. It’s me.

Actually, I’m not sure if it’s me. It’s the colors and shapes and light and shadows.

Can’t you see them? And can’t you see that they have me all confused?

Or maybe I’m not confused. Maybe I just need to clear my mind, free the words, and let them come back to me wrapped in tones and textures. Maybe if my eyes start working, the words will be more distinct and more true and less noisy and less wordy. Maybe I just need a blank space to think in. And maybe I am coloring in that space with things I see everyday.

Maybe.

It’s all running together, and melodies pop out of the energy of the images. I can hear them. And it’s all coming from the same place and it all feels the same in my head–the same as when I was younger and I would draw and paint and draw some more. And my mind was filled with pictures and replications of the world and interpretations of life.

Remember where you came from? That’s where you came from. And I’m convinced that in all this gestation you will grow and you will sing stronger than before.

And you are me and this is me and it’s all me. It’s still me. It’s always been me.

And I still love you,

mandy

HT: Messy Mandy, who often holds a mirror to my mind.

It’s not the fear of failure…

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She reluctantly displayed the first copy of her book, crisp and cold and fresh for me to see. She was a mixture of thrilled and hiding. And  her husband, from across the room, said, “You know what Mandy, she’s not afraid of failure. She’s afraid of success.”

I smiled.

I nodded.

She rolled her eyes.

And my insides said a quiet “amen.” I’ve had the same revelation recently…

I fear success more than failure. I fear the letdown of finally realizing my dreams alongside the realization that they aren’t everything in life. The nothing. The emptiness. The void that sits on the other side of accomplishment. I’m afraid that is what I will find on the other side. I will find that there is as much wanting on that side as there is on this side.

And what am I supposed to do with all that wanting?

So that’s me. That’s my fear. My fear that “success” will still leave me longing.

And that’s me being honest right here, as I take stock of it all in the midst of it all. August is a wild month of beginnings and endings. New seasons and new schedules and new to-dos.

And in the middle of this shift, maybe we can all take a minute and take stock of ourselves and our current fears. Look them in the eyes and say “so what?”

So, what? What are you afraid of? Fear? Success?

Come and rest in my world. Seriously.

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Ian Morgan Cron will be in my world in a few months–starting October 23rd, to be exact. And he will bring his wisdom and words to us. And we will sit and listen. And soak up all he has to say about finding rest and devotion and communion with God, the sort of rest that tired creative souls really need.

And I’m confident that this will be “just what we need” because “we” are the ones planning it. “We” are a group of local creatives who need a bit of a break–a moment to breathe in the salt air of our Golden Isles while words and worship wash over us like waves on our beaches.

We are unapologetically selfish in how we are planning this week, because we know we aren’t the only ones who want this kind of break. We are planning time to meditate. Time to play. Time to pray. Time to sit. Time to sing. Time to listen. Time to eat. Time to rest.

These three days won’t be packed full of sessions and speed and speakers and static and stuff.

These three days will be open… breathing… honest…

If you’re interested, let us know. We’ve got a spot for ya: RefugeSSI.com

 

“The Bravest Moments of My Life”

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I’ve never thought myself brave. Not until yesterday morning, when Sabrina Ward Harrison asked me to list “The bravest moments of my life” and put an open page in front of me with lines and spaces waiting to be filled with my braveries.

There it was–Bravery staring back at me, looking me in the eye and saying: “See? See me?”

And I saw.

I saw how My Bravery subtly wove herself through the scariest moments–moments that were highlighted and starred and double-underlined and then marked with big bold letters in the margins of my memory: Risk, Fear, Pain, Damage, Warning.

Bravery doesn’t come without fear–without the pushing past instead of giving up or giving in. Bravery doesn’t ignore fear. Bravery sees her enemy, acknowledges what is to be done, and Bravery does it. Bravery is unrelenting. Bravery is noisy and forceful and … tall. Sometimes clumsy, but always moving. Always resisting. Always breathing.

Bravery is the pounding of the hammer–not destructing wall and beam and block–but into nail. Strengthening. Holding. Firming. Building.

Bravery is in me.

And in this moment of my life where I am facing a scary-exciting adventure into the unknown world of adoption, I need to remember:

I Am Brave. I Have What It Takes. It’s In Me.

And, bravery is in you.

And it matters not where you write your bravest moments, but I want to give you a figurative blank page. In the comment box here. In your own mind. In your heart. In an email. On the wall of your room.

Wherever you need to write it, take a minute and remember some of the bravest moments of your life.

Healing your marriage when trust is broken.

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“Healing Your Marriage when Trust is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration”

Quite a book title, eh?

You should get to know the author, Cindy Beall.

The story that Cindy shares has proven to me that trust after infidelity is possible. She shows how much time and work it takes, but in the open the pages of her open book, she holds her life before readers in the hopes that theirs will turn out whole and well and peaceful.

Throughout her story, Cindy weaves scripture, reflection questions, and snapshots of other couples’ experiences as well. As an added bonus, she sprinkled in a bit of her own humor and wit:

  • “I turned 40 years old in 2010. Just seeing that fact in writing kind of makes my back hurt.”

Lines like that one show that Cindy’s heart and soul are restored along with her marriage. She regained her love for life and laughter, and she regained her love for her husband. Thankfully, she feels passionate about bringing this restoration to marriages when trust is broken.

And she’s painfully honest about the process:

  • “It was very confusing to love and hate my husband at the same time.”
  • “…a mental battle is going on inside me as I strive to trust my husband more every day. I engage in this battle on a regular basis, and it can be exhausting.”

This book is a powerful tool to be placed in the hands of those who are fighting to keep their marriage together. It’s also a compassionate example for those who are wondering if trust is possible anymore.

Order the book here.

Find Cindy’s Blog here.