Monthly Archives: December 2011

One of my top secret secrets to Happy Holidays.

Posted on
15

Ok.

Remember that post about how I survive the Holiday Blues? Well, there’s one more secret method I use to ensure a Happy Holiday season.

Are you ready?

I can’t believe I’m going to share this secret.

I use the holidays as an excuse to do less.

I know. You think I’m nuts, right? How is this possible when the Holidays are all manic with shopping and parties and gifts and decorations and fudge-making and cookie-eating and Tacky-Christmas-Sweater-Wearing?

Here’s the trick: Since the Holidays are so “busy,” it’s really easy to say “Well, I just can’t do that right now. It’s the Holidays and you know how crazy things are this time of year.”

Case in point: blogging.

Watch this: I’m going to take the next two weeks off from writing here, because it’s the Holidays and we have an abnormally high number of commitments in the next two weeks. But, here’s my secret reason: I need to do some thinking. And writing. And songwriting. And just a bit of Pulling Back and Quieting and Reflecting. (Notice I’m placing this post in the “Discipline” category–because creativity really does take discipline.)

And, don’t you worry. Yes, I’ll pine away for January to arrive when we can all be together again in this corner of the blogosphere–fresh and awake and ready to go. And I give you permission (nay, I encourage you!) to pull back as well. Create some space. Shalom for a bit. Think of all the amazing conversations we might have after taking a few days to quiet down.

I look forward to finding out what might come of this!

Until then, y’all try to stay on the “Nice” list. Thanks for reading. And thanks for understanding when I say “It’s the Holidays.” ;)

Mandy’s Mini Holiday Survival Guide

Posted on
11

It’s 3:28am on a Tuesday morning. I have no good reason to be awake except that it’s a bit hot in my house and my brain is spinning.

Oh and “it’s the Holidays.” There’s that trite little phrase that we all reach for this time of year when everything seems to be out of order in our lives.

“It’s the Holidays.”

It’s that time of year when commitments on our social calendar go up and so do our financial crises. It’s also that time of year when Seasonal Affective Disorder is triggered by less daylight, the love-child of the winter solstice and the time change. Aww, thanks you two. So cute.

And, it’s also time to remember that most semi-depressed people don’t thrive in extroversion or stress.

Which is why I’m writing this post.

Hi.

Over the past few years, I’ve learned how to manage my own moments of depression. And I’ve done a pretty decent job. They’re fewer and farther between. High five!

But, I’ve recently been in a number of convos where others have shared similar sympathies about feeling down during the Holidays. And some of the things I’ve learned might help others as well. So if you find yourself walking on the “Holiday blues” side of life, this Survival Guide is for you. Merry Christmas.

Leave space on your dance card. This means make polite efforts to avoid spreading yourself too thin with social engagements. There’s an unspoken expectation for all of us to hang out with everyone we love during this time of year. And, yes, oh my gosh yes, I love hanging out with friends and family. I do I do I do. Which is why I see them year-round. We don’t have to see all of them all at once.

Keep little routines. A little predictability can go a long way in giving us a sense of stability. Hold on to your morning routine of coffee, blog-reading, and emailing. Or wind down an hour before bed with your favorite book and cup of tea. Or keep that workout schedule to regularly juice your brain with endorphins. Actually, that’s a necessity.

Breathe. Really. Try some yoga or some walking or some laying on your back and staring at the ceiling. Make moments where your brain is slowly inhaling and exhaling life, instead of the constant gasping for breath that can happen when we sprint.

Take your vitamins. Seriously. A daily dose of Vit B, D, and Fish Oil all help in making our brains happier and sharper. Oh, and while you’re at it, hold on to your normal diet. “Really, Mandy? Really??” Ok ok. I will admit that this is crazy difficult, but I’ll also admit that hyping ourselves on sugar for six straight weeks can wreck our inner balance. This is not about the waistline. This is about inner peace and harmony and oh my gosh who needs that much of a sugar high? When possible and polite, eat what you normally would. Your mind will thank you. Oh, and as an added bonus, don’t abuse caffeine either. I’m hearing rumors that too much can trigger some depression stuff. Not happy about this at all.

Accept that “it’s the Holidays.” There are some things we can’t change and we can’t fight, like the shorter days and winter solstice stuff I mentioned above. I also mentioned at that I’m writing this in the middle of the night. I guess you could say that I’m a little out of balance and my brain is doing its flip-flop again and I’ll probably have a “down day” at the end of this week. So I’ll expect a bit less of myself on that day. And I’ll take some of the measures I’ve listed above. See how that works? It’s the Holidays. And we can’t change that, now can we? BUT, we can tell ourselves that it won’t last forever.

Got any Holiday Survival Guide tips that you wanna add?

How to talk to yourself so you can be heard.

Posted on
20

Most of us think we don’t have anything to say. But the reality is that we’ve just stopped listening to ourselves. We’ve stopped allowing ourselves to speak from a deep place. The Deep Place where the soul meets sunshine for a moment of clarity and thought. If we aren’t willing to get quiet and listen, then we won’t have anything to say at all.

You’ll never find real answers if you’re afraid to ask real questions.

And, you’ll never find real answers if you aren’t willing to answer the real questions.

For example, what is important to me?

  • love
  • friendship
  • conversation
  • creativity
  • family
  • vulnerability
  • acceptance

What things are important to you?

These are the things that are word-worthy. That mean much to us. That are breath and life and living. Those things should have words. Words on pages that may never be read. Or in secret conversations in the late of night that fall between you and your love or you and your God or you and your friend. By all means, give them words.

Words cannot be words without breath. And so life cannot be life without breath. And faith cannot be faith without breath. What is it if it has no breath? It is dead.

Give your truth breath. Speak it. Say it. Offer it to the ears of the world. And to the ears of yourself. Declare it. Write it down. Breath it out to someone else. Make it real. Make it alive. Make it full of breath. Put your breath–your exhale–in it and send it on it’s way.

We cannot live our realities if we are denying them. We cannot live out our pursuits if we are being silenced. Surround yourself with people who don’t silence you, but who cheer on your voice. Bring them into your world and let them speak their words to you so you can find your own voice. Get used to the sound of your voice and let it be the vessel you use to declare truth and love to the world. What are we without our own voices? mute… lifeless… messageless…

Don’t mute yourself. Amplify yourself. You have something to say that’s worth saying. Say it. If it’s worthy of words, give it words.

Give it words.

You are who you are.

Posted on
22

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” – E. E. Cummings

Artist.

The plan was for me to take some time to carefully and intentionally explore my creative side–the one that reaches deeper and further back than the songwriting side. Me and my preacher-man made this decision about 6 weeks ago and I thought the creative season would start in January, but nope. I accidentally chased a few rabbits down a few holes and I didn’t mean to tumble into all of it so quickly–tumble into myself so quickly–but here I am and I’m drinking the potion and holding the key.

Artist.

And with all the tumblings into this reality right-now, every time I turn a corner there’s a new story that I have for Drew and he shakes his head and says “God is all over this”. And he’s not the only one saying that. And that part is just the weirdest part of all of it, because if you knew how poorly God and I have been getting along lately… If…

Artist.

So here I am. Down this hole. And everything looks different but familiar. I can’t explain it. Not yet. It’s one big batch of secrets–tucked in my back pocket where most people don’t know I’m carrying them around. And I mentally pull them out sometimes to get my bearings again, my bearings in this new world and new season. Or show them to someone who needs to see.

Artist.

And so I’m leaning into this new world, as The Messy Mandy would say. I’m living into this. I’m growing into this. And it involves paints and brushes. It involves words and colors. It involves writing and singing and teaching and making and meeting and maybe even selling.

But, more than any of that–more than all of that–it involves Who I Am Now merging with Who I Was Then and there’s nothing but an explosion of life and beauty surrounding me. And I’m so scared that this isn’t going to last, but it might. And my hands are full and I don’t know what to do with all of it. And the close people that are watching are starting to use the word “artist” around me and when they do my insides squeal like a little girl. I remember her–I know her–The Little Girl that once held 2Bs and Cray-Pas and paint brushes. And the thing that really shakes me is this–and this is the biggest secret and I think I’m going to tell you anyway–when I look at myself in the mirror, I see an artist. And, with all these years of self-wrestlings and askings and hopings and diminishings, I can’t help but wonder if that’s who I’ve always been.

Artist.

Somebody could’ve warned me that adoption triggers “The Pregnancy Panic”

Posted on
22

It’s December. Just a few days into the month. And any day now we could get a letter saying that the State has approved us as adoptive parents.

Maybe we should throw some sort of Letter Party to celebrate. Celebrating is good.

And then maybe we’ll get some official news about some kid or kids out there who need parents.

And then we will want to know more about them and maybe get to maybe meet them.

And we might really get to do this adoption thing. It might be time. It’s December. She said we’d get a letter in December and it’s December which means it’s time to expect the letter and then all the rest will maybe fall into place sometime soon in the next few months or years or something.

It’s time.

It’s time.

it’s time…

oh my gosh are we sure we want to do this and what are we doing trying to adopt and have we lost our minds thinking we can jump from zero children to maybe two children who are old enough to talk and tell us that we are not their parents and we cannot tell them what to do–even though we love them and they are stuck with us because the state says so and the court says so and their edited birth certificates say so?

and what if they both get screaming mad at the same time and what if it happens in the grocery store when it’s me versus them and all the people that can hear them crying “you’re not my mama you can’t tell me what to do!?”

and what if they hate everything I cook except for all the nasty processed foods that Drew and I have sworn off and don’t want to bring into our house because no human being can thrive off of boxes of “it’s the cheesiest” for long before their bones bend and their brains break??

and if we’ve lost our minds then surely our parents think we’ve lost our minds and how do they get any sleep at night when they know from experience that our whole world is going to flip over and we have no idea what’s coming and no way to prepare for it and definitely don’t know what we’re doing or else we would’ve thought twice about this?!??

So I tell myself that this must stop–all this mental madness and heart-pushing panic. It has to stop. It’s unfounded (maybe) and it’s unreasonable (maybe) and it’s late at night and I’m just having an episode where the chemicals get upside down in my brain and it’s better if I just stop listening to myself and try to fall asleep and then I do fall asleep and I’m having a wonderful dream about journaling with colors and papers and glues and letters and words and images and then Drew climbs in the bed and steals one of my (many) pillows and it wakes me up and

yes

it starts all over again.