Category Archives: discipline

It’s not that I don’t like napkins, it’s just that I don’t like *getting* napkins…

Posted on
9

I was standing in the kitchen holding the pickle jar in one hand while twisting the lid off with the other. Time to grab a pickle. I notice there are only two napkins left in the napkin holder.

I hesitate.

I look at the paper towel roll—a worthy but slightly more expensive alternative.

In this weird metacognitive moment, I can’t ignore the oddity of my behavior: standing in the kitchen holding a cold pickle jar while looking back and forth between two pickle-holder options.

Why do I have a problem with getting a napkin??

And then a voice in my head says, “Find out the reason you don’t want to do something that you probably should do. Acknowledge the hesitation and then work with yourself to eliminate or move around the barrier. You can still achieve the thing that you really should do, while cooperating with your hesitations. They are there for a reason, but they don’t have to rule you. Work with yourself.”

Standing alone in the kitchen I nodded to the voice and echoed it with a more Mandy-like inner voice: “Work with yourself. Ok. I can work with myself.”

Seriously. That’s what went through my head. I was paying attention. I heard all of it.

I decide to make it a personal mission to work on eliminating the obstacles hat keep me from doing the things that I really should be doing.

Starting with this napkin quirk.

The first step is to reach for a napkin. The second step accompanies the first: I ask myself what stopped me earlier?

It’s the system. We’re down to two napkins which means I need to replenish the napkin holder and I don’t like pulling napkins out of the plastic napkin pack.

Why not?

They sit at the bottom of the pantry, very close to the floor. Very inconvenient. And I’m an ergonomist at heart and my inner-ergonomist has issues with the bending and digging and trying-not-to-knock-anything-over that is all a part of the napkin-replenishment system.

Ah. I can fix that.

My hands move quickly through the pantr, sliding a few things around to place the napkin pack neatly on one side of a face-level shelf. Pleased. Then I effortlessly, smoothly, gracefully slide a handful of fresh new napkins from the pack. It was beautiful, y’all. I wish you could’ve been there to see the smile on my face.

New napkins go in the dispenser.

Pickles go on my napkin.

Jar goes back in the fridge.

And I sit down at my laptop to encourage you to notice the things in your life that you really should be doing that you don’t want to do. Ask yourself why, then make it a personal challenge to eliminate or work around some of those obstacles. In the end, you may really enjoy the results.

So, what is it? Any ideas of things you should, but don’t wanna, do?

To-Doing

Posted on
5

I’ve had four convos about to-do lists in the past four days.

In one, my friend said she didn’t want to make a to-do list because of how confining and limiting it feels.

In another, I told a rather fluent to-doer that I’m working on pacing my days and these little lists are helping me tremendously.

In another, I asked Drew if he had any extra index card storage boxes because my to-do lists are going on index cards and on the back I take note of meaningful things and quotes and moments throughout my day and I don’t want to throw the card or the moments away when the day is done. It’s all right there on that little card.

In another convo, a friend asked me to help her with something and I wrote it down on my little day-page and she asked me what I was doing and I had the privilege of telling her that I’ve started making weird to-do lists that help me get things done each day because I have so much time on my hands that if I don’t write out things that I want to accomplish I will just fart away the day and get nothing done. And I showed her my index card from the day before, and showed her how I segment morning, afternoon, and evening. And how I have two or three items in each third of the day, and how I have little mini-errand lists as well.

And she could see what items I’d checked off and which ones I didn’t (oops).

And I told her that even though I’m not getting it all done in a day, I’m definitely getting more stuff done than if I had no to-do list at all.

And then I said something really obnoxious like “BAM!! That is money. Right. There.” (Ok. That’s actually exactly what I said. And she laughed. So it couldn’t have been that obnoxious.)

And that is why I like to-doing.

Do you to-do? Do you have a secret method?

Why I have no goals.

Posted on
9

We were walking the circle in our neighborhood, taking in the 72 degree air as a gift — a peace offering of the first day of the year. Easy walk. Easy conversation.

“So, 2012. What’s it look like for you?”

He offered a great conversation starter. But he also reached deep. He wasted no time.

He knows that the start of the new year means the start of new creative goals. He knows about the 100 songs and how projects just come tumbling out of me after that impossible year. He knows I aim to stretch and challenge myself again.

He also knows I’m riding waves of soul-stirring and artist-churning. He’s seen me raked and rattled this fall. He’s seen me dismantle myself and rebuild, day by day, page by page. And he knows much is on my horizon. He can see it.

And I can see it.

I dropped my head at his question, inhaling the courage to face my uncharacteristic answer. I’ve given it much thought, and my heart still asks permission. “Can I really do this?” The question echoes through so many hallways of my life right now. The answer is always yes, but it still catches me off guard.

“I don’t know.”

His eyes lifted from the pavement in front of us and studied my face. I think I surprised him.  I kept my focus on the steps ahead.

“I have no idea what this year is going to be like. And, with adoption on our horizon and these changes in my work and creativity, I hesitate to impose any intense goals over what could be one of the most life-changing years I’ve ever faced. It’s already different. Too much has already changed, and I still don’t know where this going but I’m not about to prematurely define it. It feels strange, this goal-less-ness. But I don’t think I can set any more expectations on this year. All I can do is have a grasp of the next six weeks. And then I’ll look at the six weeks after that.”

He approved.

Exhale.

Ok. This isn’t crazy. This is a good idea. As wandering as it seems, it’s the right way to start this year.

I do feel a bit adrift at sea. But I’d rather see it as a one-woman cruise. I’m not threatened by this lack of planning. I’m going to embrace it. I’m going to walk this year out day by day, week by week, month by month. I’m not going to get ahead of myself but I am going to run wide open as far and fast as I can.

And for this moment, I’ve got January and February in my sights. And good grief, March can wait.

Not haphazard or unintentional. Just goal-less.

What about you? Are you goal-less this year, or goal-full? What’s on your horizon?

One of my top secret secrets to Happy Holidays.

Posted on
15

Ok.

Remember that post about how I survive the Holiday Blues? Well, there’s one more secret method I use to ensure a Happy Holiday season.

Are you ready?

I can’t believe I’m going to share this secret.

I use the holidays as an excuse to do less.

I know. You think I’m nuts, right? How is this possible when the Holidays are all manic with shopping and parties and gifts and decorations and fudge-making and cookie-eating and Tacky-Christmas-Sweater-Wearing?

Here’s the trick: Since the Holidays are so “busy,” it’s really easy to say “Well, I just can’t do that right now. It’s the Holidays and you know how crazy things are this time of year.”

Case in point: blogging.

Watch this: I’m going to take the next two weeks off from writing here, because it’s the Holidays and we have an abnormally high number of commitments in the next two weeks. But, here’s my secret reason: I need to do some thinking. And writing. And songwriting. And just a bit of Pulling Back and Quieting and Reflecting. (Notice I’m placing this post in the “Discipline” category–because creativity really does take discipline.)

And, don’t you worry. Yes, I’ll pine away for January to arrive when we can all be together again in this corner of the blogosphere–fresh and awake and ready to go. And I give you permission (nay, I encourage you!) to pull back as well. Create some space. Shalom for a bit. Think of all the amazing conversations we might have after taking a few days to quiet down.

I look forward to finding out what might come of this!

Until then, y’all try to stay on the “Nice” list. Thanks for reading. And thanks for understanding when I say “It’s the Holidays.” ;)

“She’s going to beat you senseless.”

Posted on
5

It’s date night, and in a surprising twist, Drew and I are both reading. The timer set for 15 minute increments. And when the Model-T’s “Oogaa Oogaaahhhh!!” blows on his iTouch, I laugh, demand that he change the alarm-tone, get over it, and begin a few minutes of sharing what we’ve read so far.

This whole Reading-During-Date-Night-Thing is a bit out of our normal routine, but it’s working for two reasons: 1) we are fostering communication and curiosity and compassion for one another using “Hey, tell me about what you’re reading” as the backdrop, and 2) I just dove into Mandy Steward’s latest book.

So when the Oogaaa sounds, I get to hear about Dragons and Fortune-Tellers (or something like that), and then I tell him about “Tomorrow’s Dreams Today.” And my reports to Drew go a little like this:

p. 8: I won’t spoil the story, but you need to know that when I read through this page, I got uncharacteristically teary. Then the second time I read it I couldn’t help but laugh. So Drew and I laughed. Then flowed the honesty about how it rubbed up against a recent dream-dying day I’d experienced. Beautifully, the Author-Mandy won’t let me sit in my dead dream. She says I have to figure it out. Flesh it out. Live it out. Drew said he liked “this girl” and how she thinks.

p. 14: After marking this page up and down with my own scribbles and underlines, I review things with Drew. We’ve reached her thesis concept, her aim to show us how she lives out her artist-dream in her present day realities. It shakes me. And he wants to know “what is this book about? Is it a memoir? Is it a story? What is it?” I used words like Artist and Faith and Journey and Parenthood and Responsibilities and Creativity but they didn’t feel complete. So I flipped ahead for future pages that would show where she was taking me (don’t tell Mandy). And I read some of the section titles and quotes and questions… And I felt words like Right Now and Plan and Challenge and No Excuses rise up. Oh boy. And that’s when Drew, with an ironic thrill in his voice, said she’s gonna beat me senseless. And yes I did that throw-my-head-back laughing, and resolved to tell you about the first 15 pages of what is becoming my new favorite book.

So I type all that out and then that dang Ooogaahhh starts up again and I read this post to him. And then hear more about the Dragons.

Enough typing. I need to get back to the dream-reading and question-answering and plan-making. And for my people, the artist/creative/dreamer types? Y’all might wanna do your dream a favor and read this book. And please do tell me what you think of p. 8, mkay?

Grab it here.