Tag Archives: friends

Belonging: So, the “cheers” bar in Boston is really big. A lot bigger than the one on TV.

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I’m in a group of women who are on this semi-secret mission to support a mutual friend as she completes a major life task. She invited us to walk beside her, and we’ve become a sort of sorority with secret bracelets and books. (Don’t ask questions. That’s all you’re gonna get outta me. I’ve been keeping this secret for 6 months.)

I’ve also been jamming with a bunch of my favorite girlfriends who have decided to be a bit of a girl-band. It’s like… it’s like pure security. It’s like I can walk into the room and know that I have a place at the “table.” It’s the complete opposite of my High School lunch periods, but that had more to do with me and my issues than any of them. (And I mean that, y’all. I know some of you read this.)

I felt that very same belonging feeling with my group of friends at seminary. We all rallied around one another for foot soakings and bible studies and birthday parties. I miss them…

I want to be a person who can share that sense of belonging with others. To create a “community” around my life. Especially since not everyone has that feeling. But, I know that the more people I invite in, the bigger the group gets. And, soon little groups split off from one big Cheers bar where everyone hangs out, to a two story bar/restaurant with lots of rooms and tables and mini-conversations happening all at once. And not everybody knows everybody’s name. Gah. That’s when my introversion kicks into high gear and I just wanna hole up in a corner of the room with two or three other people and have our own little thing going.

But, instead, I’m going to float between tables–spend deliberate time with deliberate groups in deliberate conversations.

*Here’s to making time. Cheers.*

How do you find that sense of belonging in life?

White Space

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I have a friend who is very active and very influential and very well-known in our community. And she recently brought me a word of advice on making space in life. She was encouraged by a speaker at a conference who talked about white space–a chunk of time in your week that is set aside for yourself and your goals and your emotions and your refreshing and so forth…

And I’ve seen my friend put this practice of white space into her life. And it’s brought with it many beautiful things…

I’m sure you can guess where this is heading: There are some things I need to make space for. I need time to accomplish some important tasks. And I need silence to hear some very important Voices. And I need energy to process and say some very important things.

I need space. To think. To write. To listen. To talk.

So, this is it. Tomorrow will mark the start of two-a-weeks: Tuesdays and Thursdays (Ok. And maybe the occasional Saturday if I just can’t stand it. Dang, this is going to take major discipline to accomplish). That’s what we’ll get around here… Because, even though I value the community built here, it’s time to pull back and create some space. This blog has always reflected what’s churning in my heart, and this change is no exception. As I change, the blog changes. It’s how I stay “real” in this typed-up world.  I wouldn’t want you to expect anything less from me.

And, since this typing world has been so beautifully influential in my life over the past few years, I’d love to get some feedback from you. What do you do to create space in your life? And how do you use that space?

Confession: Facebook messages make me nervous

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A while ago I posted the above “status update” on facebook. Then I had to sit back and figure out why. (Remember my post about how I need to understand things?)

Anyway – I think I came up with a pretty convincing theory as to why. At least, I’ve convinced myself:

One of my many relational flaws is that I’m not so great at keeping up with old friends from other life stages. I really don’t like this about myself. Especially since I so deeply value my friendships. So y’all wonder why I don’t keep contact with my friends if I value them so much? Yeah – I’m wondering the same thing. Add that to the list of things I need to figure out.

Back to the old friends. They’re reconnecting with me on Facebook. And new friends, too. (hey everybody!) And every once in a while I’ll get a new message in my Facebook inbox. And a lot of those messages are from old friends. The old friends I really loved but somehow lost track of.

And when I see a message from one of them, I’m reminded of the fact that I don’t do well in keeping up with friends.

Now I know you’re thinking “But everybody does that. We can’t expect everyone to stay in contact with us all the time.”

Right.

But I think the message might say: “Where have you been all these years? And why haven’t you kept in touch?” or a nicer version of that. Hence the “I did something wrong” reaction.

And here’s the heart of the matter: I hope I’ve never caused someone to feel forgotten. There’s nothing worse than that feeling. I know because I’ve felt it. If you’re reading this, and I’ve caused that feeling, I’m so incredibly sorry. And, I haven’t forgotten you. Not at all. The memories are still there – still treasured.

So, what do y’all do? How do you keep up with old friends from different times and places? And what can/should I do differently?

“I like how your brain works.”

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Every once in a while, someone crosses my mind or my path and I think “I like how their brain works.”

I hardly ever say this phrase out loud, because I know it might make them feel weird. Like I’m spying on their thoughts or something. But I’m not. I just trust that the things that come out of their mouth are a good indication of what goes on in their head. And I take note of the moments in life when I meet someone and like how their brain works.

Like my friend from seminary, Jessica. She isn’t like anyone I’ve ever met. And we have different personalities. But I like how her brain works. Still do. And when I go read her blog (which doesn’t happen nearly often enough) I always think “I like how her brain works.”

I like it because she thinks differently than me. She sees things from a different perspective, and communicates in a different way. And my life is richer. More rich. (Whichever is the correct way to say it.)

So, anyway, in my little corner of the world, I consider that phrase a compliment.

But… would you? Would you be flattered if someone said they like how your brain works? or would you feel … assessed?