Tag Archives: friendship

The Privilege of Knowing

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I sometimes take my friends for granted. I don’t mean that I take them for granted in the sense that they’ll be there for me… but in the sense that they’ll want me to be there for them.

I don’t think of my friends based on who will come over and knock on my door. I think an even deeper indicator of friendship is that, if I knock, they’ll open the door and let me in. They welcome me into their world.

There are friends who want to know all about me.

Then there are friends who want me to know all about them… In a deep sense. In a real sense. The types who brave the waters of disclosure for the sake of being known. For the sake of sharing. For the sake of connectedness. For the sake of friendship. They are transparent and honest and authentic and vulnerable with me, and that’s what I value most in a friendship.

My friends aren’t just people that I can tell my heart’s secrets to – but they are people who also trust me with their secrets.

Knowing these secrets is a privilege that I don’t take lightly.

It’s a privilege that I treasure.

What do you value most in friendship?

Do you tell your spouse everything?

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When Drew and I started dating, we were both working in youth ministry. We were mentoring teenagers. We were having one on one meetings. We were hearing 17 year old secrets.

And we kept them.

And we didn’t share this information with each other.

That practice continued when we were married. And it also stretched over into our individual friendships, Bible studies, and small groups. I have been in a small group of some sort for years. And I don’t tell Drew the details of what is shared in these sessions. These are grown-up secrets. And I keep them.

I may share with him the bits of information that relate to me, ie: what our Bible study leader taught us. Or what we were studying for that lesson. Or what I realized during our lesson.

The same goes for Drew’s small group experience.

We both mentor some college students now. And we don’t share those secrets either. We even hang out with individual friends, and we don’t share the things that are told to us by our friends.

Sure, sometimes that means one of us doesn’t know if another couple is pregnant. That’s ok. It doesn’t happen often. And when it does, we simply apologize and explain that we don’t share others’ deep information with one another. I think it’s much better to apologize for not knowing, than to apologize for sharing too much.

So that’s how we do it.

What about you?

Do you tell your spouse everything? Or do you keep others’ secrets a secret from your spouse?

I Don’t like Groups

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Ignoring the fact that I don’t really like group activities, I actually decided to hang out with a bunch of fabulous seminary wives on Sunday night.

They just so happened to plan the “girls’ night out” at my favorite local restaurant. How could I say no?

Even though I was ten minutes away from finishing a fabulous movie, I freshened my makeup, grabbed my fashionable-yet-cheap burnt orange purse, and headed out the door in time to meet them.

We went.
We laughed.
We chatted.
We laughed some more.
And then we drove ourselves home.
Laughing all the way. (ha ha ha) (Sorry. I just had to.)

Even though I’ll saw most of these amazing women at small group the following day, the evening was different. The atmosphere was different. The conversation was different. (Did I mention that I don’t like groups? This group experience was… different.)

It was, surprisingly, exactly what I needed.

So, what’s up with you? Had any unexpected surprises lately?

60 to 30 in 10

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What would the 60 year old me say to the 30 year old me?

  1. Make eye contact. It’s more important than you realize.
  2. If he wants to talk to you, be grateful. And listen. And shut up. And listen some more.
  3. Sunshine causes your skin to age more quickly. Sorry darlin’ ~ but it’s true.
  4. You really don’t know what tomorrow holds.
  5. Best friends are best friends. Keep them.
  6. Turn off your computer and read your Bible, even if you don’t want to.
  7. Pray.
  8. You’re doing a good job with the song writing, but you should definitely practice the piano more.
  9. Laugh as often as possible.
  10. Love fearlessly and with much forgiveness.

Inspiration for this came from Sarah Markley, who is one of my dear blog friends. Sarah has the gift of writing. I mean THE gift of writing. She never fails to inspire and challenge me. Thanks, Sarah!

Write Now

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Wednesday, 10.29.08 1:15pm

The seminary cafeteria, though nearly empty, is loud. It’s always loud. There’s a whir of air conditioning or something, which makes a private conversation very easy even when the place is packed at meal time.

Most of the current chatter comes from a half-dozen middle-aged Korean women. I’m not sure why they’re here, but I’m about to find out. One of them is my dear friend Mi-Suk (MEE-sook). My guess is that they are from her church. Even though she’s a full-time student and mom, she is also the women’s minister at a large Korean church in Boston. She is a great woman of faith, and very serious about her ministry. Last year, she and I went on walks every Friday. She was wise and would speak (through broken English) GREAT truths to me. With each walk, I would realize the depth of her words only after our conversation. I would replay the context – the subject matter – what I shared – the story that she told – and then divine revelation would hit. Without fail.

Her friends take an empty table next to me, and soon all the women with hot teas in hand have gathered to chat. I walk over and get Mi-Suk’s attention – interrupting whatever she’s passionately and seriously expressing to her friends. She lights up, grabs my hand, and explains that these ladies are all from her church. She speaks to them in quick Korean – pointing and gesturing towards me – all the while holding my hand in hers. She is thoughtful enough to hit the high points in English so I can understand: “worship leader” – “sermon… Mandy, you were in one of my sermons” – “one of my best friends.”

“One of my best friends.”

I never thought that someone from across the globe would consider me one of their best friends.