Tag Archives: pain

If all the promises are true…

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“If”… It’s a haunting word, isn’t it? And I bet a number of you clicked on over just because of that one word. And what is Mandy going to say about this big ugly “if” at the beginning of this post title.

Let’s think about God’s promises for a second…

God never promised the redeemed life would have no pain.

In face, He promised the opposite. And if you pay close attention, you will see it’s there:

Death will still be at work, but so will resurrection.

Sin will still be at work, but so will redemption.

…not only that, but it’s also clear that those who do not know suffering do not know the love of God. We will see that we are to take up our crosses to follow Him. We are to know Him as Paul sought to know Him, by fellowship in His sufferings…

And, if God’s promises are true, and if we tell Him we want to know Him better, then we are fools to call ourselves victims when a season of suffering falls on our souls.

I have been that fool.

And, in some ways, I still am.

What if we actually said it…?

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What if we actually told God that we didn’t like the direction our lives have gone in? What if we told Him that, in order to avoid all the crap and pain that we find ourselves in, we were going to figure this out on our own? What if we told Him that “His way” just wasn’t working out for us?

There exists, out there in real (but hidden) corners of Christianity, a group of individuals who are familiar with the road of suffering. I had a chance to talk to a member of this group recently. She said she’s never felt more free in her faith than when she actually owned up to the fact that she did not like the path that was laid out for her. If suffering was what God intended for her to walk through, she did NOT like His will for her life.

She didn’t want it.

Read: A good Godly devoted Christian woman did NOT want God’s will for her life.

So she told him.

I’m realizing that maybe I’ve been punishing God for a particular circumstance in my life, even though things seem to be dreamy right now. Yes I’m back home and loving it. Yes I’ve got an amazing ministry at a church. And yes I’ve got some unbelievably awesome new and old friends. And yes I love being this close to my family again. And yes I have a tan. What else could a girl ask for?

But this one thing has left me heartbroken for quite a while. Years, actually.

My brain says God doesn’t necessarily want this for my life.

But my heart says He’s the only One who could fix it. Prevent it. Do something about it.

And my heart is winning the argument. And misbehaving. My heart is silent. Punishing. Withdrawn.

If I’ve already pulled away, my friend says I need to tell God that I did NOT sign up for this and I really really don’t like it and I don’t want it.

She says good will come of it.

Although, I can’t imagine what, other than a Spiritual spanking for talking back. Right? Won’t I break the number one rule of Christianity if I own up to my un-surrendered, maverick heart? Aren’t I doing the unthinkable?

Pick your pain.

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I’ve been thinking about pain a lot lately. Thinking about my pain. About how I hate facing it. About how others face their pain. About how we want to avoid it. Hide it. Not deal with it.

Granted, I’m speaking in terms of emotional pain. Even though I have known times of intense physical pain- pain so bad that it made me sick to my stomach. I have. I’ve also known emotional pain that brings a degree of nausea with it.

Both can affect me in similar ways.

Both come with their own mix of “impossible.”

Both are hard to face.

I can’t help but wonder which pain is worse: Physical or emotional?

If my life was perfect?

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Yesterday, Ed left this as his #1 Christmas wish:

Keep my slightly imperfect life slightly imperfect.

I read it three times, just to get what he was saying. I have to painfully admit that I couldn’t agree more. This is so important, both in awareness and in gratefulness. Since college, I’ve faced enough imperfection in myself. Not to mention that my life over the past year has been much harder than I’ve even begun to let on in this blog. If I were writing the perfect story of my life over the past year, things would be VERY VERY VERY different right now. I’m ready for 2008 to be over with.

But, at the same time, I know that there’s an upside, a benefit, to all the imperfections I’ve had to face. I’m aware of the fact that imperfect is MUCH better than perfect. What would I be if my life was perfect?

  • Spoiled
  • Weak
  • Prideful
  • Selfish
  • Bored
  • Condemning
  • Weak
  • Ungrateful
  • Weak
  • Spoiled

Yeah. That about sums it up.

What about you? I don’t think any of us would be dumb or bold enough to claim perfection, so chime in: what would you be if your life was perfect?

how do you deal with pain?

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wednesday was a weird day for me. i had three conversations with three of my favorite people about how much each of them is hurting.

each is hurting in a different way… for different reasons. and, each of them loves the Lord dearly.

a few questions came up (mainly in my head): does pain mean we are far away from God? does it mean that He’s not around? does it mean we are in sin? does it mean something is “wrong” in our lives?

aside from all these questions, there’s one thing i know -> one thing that i’ve had to realize as i’ve dealt with the pain of being away from loved ones for the past year and a half -> just because we feel discomfort, that doesn’t mean we are distant from God.

what about you? how do you deal with pain? how do you handle life’s heartaches? where is God when it hurts?