Tag Archives: seminary

I Don’t Want Any More Friends.

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We’re at the 6 month marker. We’ll be at the end of seminary in December.

We’ve been saying goodbye to our friends since last December, and that’s how it’s gonna be for the next few months. In greater and greater amounts.

I joke that we’re at that “upperclassman” level where we check out from meeting new people. But it’s true. We probably won’t make an effort to get to know the new residents in our building.

We’re at that place where we are clamoring for time with friends that will move in 6 weeks. We’re counting down the months until we have to pack up all our stuff & say goodbye. We’re trying to stay connected with those that have grown to be our friends here.

In this community. In this little Christian society with all its imperfections and flaws. With those who have walked through difficult times with us.

And there’s little time to do much else.

Does this make me a bad person? Cold? Closed off?

Or just… efficient?

I Need a Third Culture

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I grew up with at least a half-dozen country stations to choose from. And at least two Christian radio stations as well. Boston has no Christian radio station. It does have at least three stations in languages I don’t understand, and there’s this new part of me that is no longer surprised by them.

Then there’s a part of me – old and familiar – that comes to life when I listen to Boston’s only country radio station. At the same time, that new part of me that is shoved back to the corner of my mind.

It’s also shoved to the corner of my mind when I’m back home driving my daddy’s pickup truck to my cousin’s house with the windows rolled down and my favorite country station turned up. Everything is easy and familiar… but I feel like only a piece of me is really there.

The other day I was driving down one of the cracked and pot-holed New England roads with a friend, windows cracked, listening to that solitary country station, and chatting about the future. Rachel asked if we were going back to Georgia when we finished here. I told her I didn’t know.

Then she asked if I wanted to go back. My answer, shaky and irresolute, reminded her of “third culture kids” – a missionary phrase that describes the experience of not feeling like you belong back where you started, but don’t fully belong in your present culture. Like you belong in some other culture… a third culture.

I nearly cried when she said those words.

And I drove home wondering if that’s what this indefinable feeling is… this feeling that rises inside me and wants to go to England or Oregon or SoCal or Austin or Hawaii or New Orleans, instead of staying in Massachusetts or moving back to Georgia.

I wondered if I’ve started looking for my third culture.

What do you want?

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  • Chocolate. All the time. I think I’m addicted. I think it may be hormonal. I think chocolate is my catnip.
  • Money for my music. Let’s just be honest around here. I spend a lotta time writing songs, and some of them aren’t so bad. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone wanted to record one of my songs? Royalties. Yes….. Royalties.
  • A vacation. A long one. Filled with NYC and Niagara and Montreal. And lots of time with Drew.
  • Cowboy boots. Or maybe I should say cowgirl boots. Worn ones. Real ones. Cute ones.
  • My own home studio.  Mellow. Warm. Funky. Inspiring. And, most importantly, soundproof.
  • Endless 80-degree days. Need I say more?
  • What’s next. I don’t know what it is, but I want it. I’m excited. We are perched on the precipice of time, teetering… waiting… watching. The moment is rushing at us, but it isn’t close enough to be a clear figure yet. We can’t make out what it is. Just a blur of possibilities. A blur of dreams. I anticipate the day when the blur comes in to focus.

What do you want?

Thanks for the idea, Christina.